They live in troll land. I don't know anyone like this in real life (nor would I want to). Their responses to this thread are so unbelievable that they can't be actual people. So the rest of us, including OP, can just carry on. |
Grandma in law is also not invited to any of those events, or to your bachelorette party, and yet it would be offensive not to invite her to a milestone life event like the wedding. The 12 year old is a valuable member of this family, that’s why they all think it’s a travesty. |
In one post it's just a party, in another it's a travesty! Such flip flop! Such drama! |
So you agree that not all parties include every one every time? Good to know. Value isn't assigned by how many events you get invited to as seen with Grandma In Law. |
+1,000 |
My sister and a cousin had a no kids wedding w/ a babysitter upstairs (these were weddings out of town for most family) - both times babysitters were terrible and most siblings and cousins were upstairs or outside dealing w/ kids and then brides were bummed people they wanted to celebrate with them were not in the reception. I did the same thing and many friends from college spent the wedding running up to their rooms to check on the kids - 27 years on I would prefer to have had more time with people who were important to me than the perfect adult atmosphere but i was adamant about the no kids at the time |
That’s correct not all parties include everyone but there is significance to events. It’s not offensive to not include your out of state sibling to your kid’s birthday annual party or your weekly book club, but it is offensive to exclude them from a family Thanksgiving dinner. It is bizarre that this has to be explained. |
What is offensive is in the eye of the beholder. The people hosting the event are in charge of how they want to celebrate their milestone. Maybe they want just nuclear family, maybe just parents, maybe everyone with whom they share a drop of blood, maybe everyone they've ever met, maybe it is meant to be a quiet adult affair, or maybe they want a wild rumpus. The point is that it is their milestone, their celebration, and their budget. Gracious people -- invited or not invited -- respect their wishes and make their own decisions about whether or not to attend. Not gracious people choose to take offense because they think their own wishes come before the people whose celebration it is, and look for ways to retaliate. The fact that OP has a family that includes such ungracious people doesn't mean she needs to sacrifice her own milestone to unreasonable demands -- and appeasement of ungracious people usually just sets a precedent for continuing and increasing demands. When it's not your celebration, the right thing to do is to let it be. When it is your celebration, you'll get to invite whoever you wish. |
DP - Why? I don't understand how it's "offensive"? If you arent offended at not being invited to birthday parties, why would you be offended for this particular party? |
No, I didn't. Having to find childcare for the entire weekend was a challenge and I was bummed to fly to a "destination" without her because she really would have enjoyed it and it sucked to use up one of my few free weekends not getting to be with her. She would have had a lot of fun at the wedding. |
That's just your opinion. In a kids mind the wedding is pretty low in priority. I never have Thanksgiving with my out of state sibling. We don't even think to invite each other to our separate dinners. You sound like a nut pretending that your made up on the fly rules are adhered to by anyone other than yourself. |
Then you just say no. And take your kid on vacation. This isn't hard since you don't really care about the wedding on its own. |
Are you divorced or something? There are 52 weekends a year. |
+1 It sounds like you didn't want to be there but felt some sort of obligation. Next time, send a nice card wishing them well and decline rather than going and being bitter about it. |
You couldn't have taken her to the destination and found a sitter to watch her for the hours of the wedding? That way you would have still gotten to enjoy the destination and the couple would have still had a childfree wedding. Theres so many options, people just refuse to actually look into them |