Are we wrong for not allowing the kids to attend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm from a culture that welcomes kids at weddings, even small ones. The entire point of getting married is to have kids, otherwise you could just live together for ever without getting married. Kids are a cute delight, and everyone's happy to see them. They are a symbol of hope and guiding light into the future.


But you're the bride and you can invite whoever you want.

Lol no

Most people on Earth think like this. You're the outlier.

[Anonymous]

You can invite anyone you want and exclude anyone you want.

But I do think that weddings are about joining families and kids are part of families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can invite anyone you want and exclude anyone you want.

But I do think that weddings are about joining families and kids are part of families.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do whatever you want but that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences to these decisions. If it’s more important to you to keep it kids only, then do so but it may impact your relationship with your family and only you know if that’s worth it.

Yes. I know Anglo-Saxons are very into child-free weddings (British, Americans, etc), because apparently they can't fathom having elegant, sophisticated affairs with mini-people... but really it makes them look like constipated try-hards. Continental Europe does weddings with kids very well, so do Asian cultures, and we're not talking backyard wedding with barbecue.

But if that's above what you can muster, well, your guests will just have to make a choice.

Oh get off it. I am Indian and love our big festive weddings with kids but this couple is going for a different vibe and that is totally their prerogative.

I agree the 12yo shouldn’t be invited and any family members who make a big deal out of it are bonkers. The 12yo can even stay home alone in a pinch. OP, you can go the extra mile of locating and offering up babysitters. Or, don’t and everyone will forget about this controversy in a few days. Don’t cancel your plans!

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're wrong.
But you're calling the shots, for once. Interesting how people use that power...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do whatever you want but that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences to these decisions. If it’s more important to you to keep it kids only, then do so but it may impact your relationship with your family and only you know if that’s worth it.

Yes. I know Anglo-Saxons are very into child-free weddings (British, Americans, etc), because apparently they can't fathom having elegant, sophisticated affairs with mini-people... but really it makes them look like constipated try-hards. Continental Europe does weddings with kids very well, so do Asian cultures, and we're not talking backyard wedding with barbecue.

But if that's above what you can muster, well, your guests will just have to make a choice.

Oh get off it. I am Indian and love our big festive weddings with kids but this couple is going for a different vibe and that is totally their prerogative.

I agree the 12yo shouldn’t be invited and any family members who make a big deal out of it are bonkers. The 12yo can even stay home alone in a pinch. OP, you can go the extra mile of locating and offering up babysitters. Or, don’t and everyone will forget about this controversy in a few days. Don’t cancel your plans!

It's their constipated prerogative, I totally agree!

Your guests are rolling their eyes, but you won't make lifelong enemies, OP, don't worry - your event is not that important.
Do whatever the heck you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm from a culture that welcomes kids at weddings, even small ones. The entire point of getting married is to have kids, otherwise you could just live together for ever without getting married. Kids are a cute delight, and everyone's happy to see them. They are a symbol of hope and guiding light into the future.

But you're the bride and you can invite whoever you want.

Tell me more about the bolded. If a couple's child tragically dies are they supposed to crank out a replacement child? If a couple has infertility issues and can't have kids should they get divorced? What if a couple doesn't want kids but needs to get married to get the other's health insurance - is that okay? What if a couple gets married and THEN changes their minds and they don't want kids after all - do they have to go ahead and have some or should they just get a hasty divorce?

[Anonymous]

OP, there are 2 I-have-no-identity-without-my-kids PPs who are hammering the thread. You are having a small dinner. You invite who you want. I think it's the giant celebrations with a band and dancing that kids can be a wonderful part of. But definitely not a small dinner.

Sorry there are people who care more about themselves than celebrating your marriage. All they have to say is Congrats, enjoy. We have no ability to get a babysitter, so we can't join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm from a culture that welcomes kids at weddings, even small ones. The entire point of getting married is to have kids, otherwise you could just live together for ever without getting married. Kids are a cute delight, and everyone's happy to see them. They are a symbol of hope and guiding light into the future.

But you're the bride and you can invite whoever you want.

Tell me more about the bolded. If a couple's child tragically dies are they supposed to crank out a replacement child? If a couple has infertility issues and can't have kids should they get divorced? What if a couple doesn't want kids but needs to get married to get the other's health insurance - is that okay? What if a couple gets married and THEN changes their minds and they don't want kids after all - do they have to go ahead and have some or should they just get a hasty divorce?

The people who say the only point of getting married is to have kids don't like their spouses and would rather be divorced.

[Anonymous]

I got married over 20 years ago and had a no kids wedding. We provided a sitter. I now have kids, I love my kids, but I do not think that every event must cater to the fact that I have kids. Those that crow about their kIdS aren’t thinking about you and your day.

[Anonymous]

PP again. My sister has been married for a decade and they aren’t having kids. My SIL too. Not everyone marries for breeding purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm from a culture that welcomes kids at weddings, even small ones. The entire point of getting married is to have kids, otherwise you could just live together for ever without getting married. Kids are a cute delight, and everyone's happy to see them. They are a symbol of hope and guiding light into the future.

But you're the bride and you can invite whoever you want.

Tell me more about the bolded. If a couple's child tragically dies are they supposed to crank out a replacement child? If a couple has infertility issues and can't have kids should they get divorced? What if a couple doesn't want kids but needs to get married to get the other's health insurance - is that okay? What if a couple gets married and THEN changes their minds and they don't want kids after all - do they have to go ahead and have some or should they just get a hasty divorce?

The people who say the only point of getting married is to have kids don't like their spouses and would rather be divorced.

OK, so what's your explanation for some form of marriage cross-culturally existing in every society? I mean, it seems kind of funny that this is basically a universal human institution, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

You aren't wrong but not everyone has access to a trusted sitter or child care. We'd be fine with it but we'd decline or only one of us would go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm from a culture that welcomes kids at weddings, even small ones. The entire point of getting married is to have kids, otherwise you could just live together for ever without getting married. Kids are a cute delight, and everyone's happy to see them. They are a symbol of hope and guiding light into the future.


But you're the bride and you can invite whoever you want.

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Your wedding, your choice.

Hold the line at no kids, period.

But accept that some people won't come.