Friend attending a Bar Mitzvah party -- gift?

[Anonymous]

Our non-Jewish boy is attending a Bar Mitzvah party of a friend occurring several hours after the ceremony (which he is not attending). Is it customary to bring a gift?

[Anonymous]

Yes it is definitely customary to bring a gift. It is not customary to attend the party without attending the service unless there is a very specific reason why (which I make sure the parents were aware of). You will get a number of different responses about what the gift should be. I think if this is just a classmate of your child it should be a more generous birthday gift size..could be a gift card, a check or something more personal. If they are family friends, I would be more generous. Some families seem to have a multiples of 18 tradition which I never heard of before DCUM..I think it is good luck (?)

[Anonymous]

We did $36.00 cash for my kids friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It is not customary to attend the party without attending the service unless there is a very specific reason why

It was suggested by the host we not because of the long distance from us and the span of time between the service and party. We can, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It is not customary to attend the party without attending the service unless there is a very specific reason why

It was suggested by the host we not because of the long distance from us and the span of time between the service and party. We can, though.

If it was the host's suggestion..then it is clearly not a problem. Your child might enjoy seeing the ceremony if he has never been to one though. $36 is appropriate for a friend gift (imo).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did $36.00 cash for my kids friend

Is there a significance to this #?

When I was growing up, as a guest we'd always buy a gift card for the kiddo.
Generally more than a birthday, less than a wedding.

[Anonymous]

If the child isn't going to the ceremony, can you have a Jewish friend explain to them way the day is so significant?

I was able to have good talks with my friend's mom about why they had certain traditions and I treasure that she took the time to explain her faith to me.

[Anonymous]

In Hebrew, the same characters are used for letters and numerals, so words also have a numerical significance (adding up the numerical value of each letter). The word "chai," which means "life," has a numerical value of 18--so gifts are sometimes in the amount of a multiple of chai (18, 36, etc.). I imagine it will mean a lot to the bar mitzvah boy that his friend traveled some distance to celebrate with him--kudos to you for making the effort!

[Anonymous]

He should attend the service.