How do you cope with a husband who hates his job

[Anonymous]

It's been very stressful lately. My husband dislikes the work he does tremendously-he often feels down about the situation, thinks he is a failure, etc.. He has tried working for a different company but the problem is he is doing the same type of work and it's the work itself he dislikes, not necessarily the organization he works for. We can live for a couple of years on my salary so I've told him to seriously think about another line of work, perhaps go back to school for another degree. The problem is, he doesn't seem to know what type of work he would like to do. It's the same old story and I'm so mentally drained constantly dealing with this issue. At times, I feel guilty because I have a job I like and with a good salary. If anyone has been in a similar situation, how did you cope?

[Anonymous]

I am not in the same situation, but one similar enough that I can sympathize. My husband is a PhD who truly hates writing his dissertation and in fact, may not be able to complete it. On the other hand, I have a career in a field similar (although not identical) to the one he is studying that is very successful. I love my job and believe that I am good at it. It is really a challenge to allow myself to feel happy about my job and proud about my accomplishments around him. But... I decided that I shouldn't stop dong that, because that would be bad for our relationship. The nice thing is that he is generally happy for me.

One thing that came to mind when I read your post is that maybe your husband would benefit from meeting with a career counselor. Or... alternatively reading "What Color is Your Parachute" and doing the related workbook. I don't tend to be into self-help books, but I have heard very good things about this one for people trying to figure out the right career path for themselves.

Good luck to your whole family!

[Anonymous]

I have read "What color is your parachute" and I also read "The Four Hour Work Week".

My DH on the other hands, hates the line of work he is in, mostly because he doesn't like people, and deals with customers all day long. He has long term goals, and it includes a career change. For now he is going to work his well paying job, and then take classes during his off hours, to work towards his goal. He actually stole my goal career to be his, and we plan to go into business together in the next couple of years, when the kids are a bit older and in school.

[Anonymous]

I may be in a similar situation as you as I feel as though my husband is always complaining about his work. He has transitioned through about 3 jobs in five years due to lay-offs and the "feeling of impending termination". We are both in the same line of work and my situation has consistently been differnent. I, too, hold back from talking about work, partially because I don't want to "rub it in" and partially because we do the same job - I just "get it".

So - to make a long emotional story short, I finally realized that part of the complaining / bitching is just in his personality. I am optimistic, he is pessimistic. This translates to how he communicates about most anything - it is just highlighted with the work thing because it is his most frequent topic of conversation. I started realizing about one year ago that I worried less and listened less and also said, "I don't want to talk about your work because you always sound unhappy". I don't know if that necessarily changed him, but helped me handle my anxiety about any job loss and my anxiety about "how can I keep my husband happy". I don't know if that makes sense...but it has helped me...maybe it is partially his personality?

Ya know what - maybe you write a goal timeline....something along the lines of "ok, you have to do this job for blah blah year and then we have enough money for you to go to school to change career blah blah". I know it sounds sort of simple, but if the discussion stops and action is taken, you may feel better.???

[Anonymous]

Maybe he should see a career consultant who can help him determine the type of work that might make him happy.

I believe there are several compositions in the archives for the Main List for career consultants.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. My DH's disenchantment with his career has become a major problem in our marriage. It makes him angry and dissatisfied with himself, which causes him to be very moody. It also has made him angry at the world, which he sometimes takes out on me by being unreasonably angry with me about petty things. It stresses me out because it makes me always worried about money - he not bringing in enough, my being responsible for bringing in more.

We are in counseling. I urge you not to avoid talking about it, as the pp suggested. I did this for a long time, because he never wanted to talk about it and I didn't want to stress us any more. That just created a lot more hurt between us, because we weren't dealing with our feelings. Frankly, I think my DH (and maybe yours, too) needs individual counseling to deal with his work issues. That isn't happening yet, but at least the marriage counseling is a start.

[Anonymous]

Not to alarm you, but you may want to consider his job dissatisfaction as a symptom of something "deeper" and not the cause of unhappiness. don't avoid it. If he is a pain in the neck, let it be known. good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to alarm you, but you may want to consider his job dissatisfaction as a symptom of something "deeper" and not the cause of unhappiness. don't avoid it. If he is a pain in the neck, let it be known. good luck

was just about to say that.. sometimes as people we tend to hide behind other things.. it cud be deeper.. ask him to look within.. he might need some time alone and away from home.. no one can hate thier job that nuch..

[Anonymous]

My husband went through classic burn-out with his old career. Part of his job was human resources and that's what killed him - dealing with people's problems. He started working on his own business idea at night. After a few months he quit his job and now has his own business. I was terrified. He is so very happy now, passionate about what he does for a living, loves being his own boss, and he's pleasant to live with. What helped him was to make lists of what his dreams are, different business ideas that could help him reach his dreams, and the steps involved to get there. He did hire people to mentor him as he was learning how to do his new business. And he joined associations that have local meetings, which are almost like support groups as well as a business resource. I hope your husband is able to get through it as well as mine has.

[jrkeinath]

I've been there, it's not fun. It's hard to be supportive (even though that's what you need to do) when someone is in a situation which is frustrating and ultimately impacts your whole family negatively. My husband is an attorney and after living through 3 different jobs, small practice, large practice, government, he finally followed his heart and is working in politics. So we made a major move here. He's never been happier. Support your husband, encourage him to find what he loves and go for it. In the long run he'll be happier once he finds something he truly likes.