20 years Older

[Anonymous]

DH is 20 years older. Everything changed from when we first started dating. 2 kids in and I'm so ready to throw in the towel! We do absolutely nothing these days. I'm not sure the last time we went to the movies, or really enjoyed being intimate. He always finds an issue with my friends or family, and I'm truly unhappy, but don't know what to do. I don't feel beautiful anymore. He doesn't compliment me. I just feel stuck. These years I will never get back and he already had these years to enjoy! I feel so lost, no friends, no family.....

[Anonymous]

This is why you don't marry older men.

There is something wrong with someone who wants someone who is lacking so much life experience, IMO. Sorry OP. That sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't marry older men.

There is something wrong with someone who wants someone who is lacking so much life experience, IMO. Sorry OP. That sucks.

I'm understanding this now! Do you know how bad I wish that I could be doing what folks my age are doing? It sounds pretty dumb! He belittles everyone that's my age... I always tell him " just give them 20 more years to get to where you are". He is starting to make my life miserable. Such a hypocritical asshole! Who sits and monitors what someone eats? Like literally will tell me that my yogurt has 10grams of sugar and the yogurt he eats has 6grams so I should eat the brand he eats!!!!!!


Another rant: the other day we were headed to an appointment. The building that we needed to go to is located on an one way street. He misses the turn to go into the parking garage and Instead of circling the block he attempted to backup to go into the garage. The police stops him. My insurance and registration was actually on the table at the house because I was in the process of switching insurance. The police didn't ask for the insurance or registration. He simply told him -"you know you aren't suppose to be backing up- go around the block". Do you know he started to yell at me because the paperwork was on the table.....vs he acknowledging that he shouldn't have been trying to back up a one way street???? The police wouldn't have stopped you at all if you wasn't doing something wrong. He can't acknowledge his own faults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't marry older men.

There is something wrong with someone who wants someone who is lacking so much life experience, IMO. Sorry OP. That sucks.

I'm understanding this now! Do you know how bad I wish that I could be doing what folks my age are doing? It sounds pretty dumb! He belittles everyone that's my age... I always tell him " just give them 20 more years to get to where you are". He is starting to make my life miserable. Such a hypocritical asshole! Who sits and monitors what someone eats? Like literally will tell me that my yogurt has 10grams of sugar and the yogurt he eats has 6grams so I should eat the brand he eats!!!!!!


Another rant: the other day we were headed to an appointment. The building that we needed to go to is located on an one way street. He misses the turn to go into the parking garage and Instead of circling the block he attempted to backup to go into the garage. The police stops him. My insurance and registration was actually on the table at the house because I was in the process of switching insurance. The police didn't ask for the insurance or registration. He simply told him -"you know you aren't suppose to be backing up- go around the block". Do you know he started to yell at me because the paperwork was on the table.....vs he acknowledging that he shouldn't have been trying to back up a one way street???? The police wouldn't have stopped you at all if you wasn't doing something wrong. He can't acknowledge his own faults.

You sound like you are still young. Do you make your own money? Could you look into getting a divorce?

I'm sorry OP. I know you're in a tough spot...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't marry older men.

There is something wrong with someone who wants someone who is lacking so much life experience, IMO. Sorry OP. That sucks.

I'm understanding this now! Do you know how bad I wish that I could be doing what folks my age are doing? It sounds pretty dumb! He belittles everyone that's my age... I always tell him " just give them 20 more years to get to where you are". He is starting to make my life miserable. Such a hypocritical asshole! Who sits and monitors what someone eats? Like literally will tell me that my yogurt has 10grams of sugar and the yogurt he eats has 6grams so I should eat the brand he eats!!!!!!


Another rant: the other day we were headed to an appointment. The building that we needed to go to is located on an one way street. He misses the turn to go into the parking garage and Instead of circling the block he attempted to backup to go into the garage. The police stops him. My insurance and registration was actually on the table at the house because I was in the process of switching insurance. The police didn't ask for the insurance or registration. He simply told him -"you know you aren't suppose to be backing up- go around the block". Do you know he started to yell at me because the paperwork was on the table.....vs he acknowledging that he shouldn't have been trying to back up a one way street???? The police wouldn't have stopped you at all if you wasn't doing something wrong. He can't acknowledge his own faults.

You sound like you are still young. Do you make your own money? Could you look into getting a divorce?

I'm sorry OP. I know you're in a tough spot...

The yogurt scenario sounds pretty dumb, but that's what came to mind at 4am. Early 30's.. I've reached out to a lawyer since we do have children together. He is the provider...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't marry older men.

There is something wrong with someone who wants someone who is lacking so much life experience, IMO. Sorry OP. That sucks.

I'm understanding this now! Do you know how bad I wish that I could be doing what folks my age are doing? It sounds pretty dumb! He belittles everyone that's my age... I always tell him " just give them 20 more years to get to where you are". He is starting to make my life miserable. Such a hypocritical asshole! Who sits and monitors what someone eats? Like literally will tell me that my yogurt has 10grams of sugar and the yogurt he eats has 6grams so I should eat the brand he eats!!!!!!


Another rant: the other day we were headed to an appointment. The building that we needed to go to is located on an one way street. He misses the turn to go into the parking garage and Instead of circling the block he attempted to backup to go into the garage. The police stops him. My insurance and registration was actually on the table at the house because I was in the process of switching insurance. The police didn't ask for the insurance or registration. He simply told him -"you know you aren't suppose to be backing up- go around the block". Do you know he started to yell at me because the paperwork was on the table.....vs he acknowledging that he shouldn't have been trying to back up a one way street???? The police wouldn't have stopped you at all if you wasn't doing something wrong. He can't acknowledge his own faults.

You sound like you are still young. Do you make your own money? Could you look into getting a divorce?

I'm sorry OP. I know you're in a tough spot...

The yogurt scenario sounds pretty dumb, but that's what came to mind at 4am. Early 30's.. I've reached out to a lawyer since we do have children together. He is the provider...

You are still young, OP. Plenty of time to restart your life, find a job you love and someone who will treat you well. Remember how you're feeling and how constant this is. If he tries to lay on the charm, stay dedicated to what you know in your heart.

Go ahead with the divorce proceedings, and document, document, document everything you can. Even a personal diary can be submitted in court. These little incidences do matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't marry older men.

There is something wrong with someone who wants someone who is lacking so much life experience, IMO. Sorry OP. That sucks.

I'm understanding this now! Do you know how bad I wish that I could be doing what folks my age are doing? It sounds pretty dumb! He belittles everyone that's my age... I always tell him " just give them 20 more years to get to where you are". He is starting to make my life miserable. Such a hypocritical asshole! Who sits and monitors what someone eats? Like literally will tell me that my yogurt has 10grams of sugar and the yogurt he eats has 6grams so I should eat the brand he eats!!!!!!


Another rant: the other day we were headed to an appointment. The building that we needed to go to is located on an one way street. He misses the turn to go into the parking garage and Instead of circling the block he attempted to backup to go into the garage. The police stops him. My insurance and registration was actually on the table at the house because I was in the process of switching insurance. The police didn't ask for the insurance or registration. He simply told him -"you know you aren't suppose to be backing up- go around the block". Do you know he started to yell at me because the paperwork was on the table.....vs he acknowledging that he shouldn't have been trying to back up a one way street???? The police wouldn't have stopped you at all if you wasn't doing something wrong. He can't acknowledge his own faults.

You sound like you are still young. Do you make your own money? Could you look into getting a divorce?

I'm sorry OP. I know you're in a tough spot...

The yogurt scenario sounds pretty dumb, but that's what came to mind at 4am. Early 30's.. I've reached out to a lawyer since we do have children together. He is the provider...

You are still young, OP. Plenty of time to restart your life, find a job you love and someone who will treat you well. Remember how you're feeling and how constant this is. If he tries to lay on the charm, stay dedicated to what you know in your heart.

Go ahead with the divorce proceedings, and document, document, document everything you can. Even a personal diary can be submitted in court. These little incidences do matter.

Thank you so much! It's becoming hard to suppress these feelings. Hard to share with most because they are looking to judge etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't marry older men.

There is something wrong with someone who wants someone who is lacking so much life experience, IMO. Sorry OP. That sucks.

I'm understanding this now! Do you know how bad I wish that I could be doing what folks my age are doing? It sounds pretty dumb! He belittles everyone that's my age... I always tell him " just give them 20 more years to get to where you are". He is starting to make my life miserable. Such a hypocritical asshole! Who sits and monitors what someone eats? Like literally will tell me that my yogurt has 10grams of sugar and the yogurt he eats has 6grams so I should eat the brand he eats!!!!!!


Another rant: the other day we were headed to an appointment. The building that we needed to go to is located on an one way street. He misses the turn to go into the parking garage and Instead of circling the block he attempted to backup to go into the garage. The police stops him. My insurance and registration was actually on the table at the house because I was in the process of switching insurance. The police didn't ask for the insurance or registration. He simply told him -"you know you aren't suppose to be backing up- go around the block". Do you know he started to yell at me because the paperwork was on the table.....vs he acknowledging that he shouldn't have been trying to back up a one way street???? The police wouldn't have stopped you at all if you wasn't doing something wrong. He can't acknowledge his own faults.

You sound like you are still young. Do you make your own money? Could you look into getting a divorce?

I'm sorry OP. I know you're in a tough spot...

The yogurt scenario sounds pretty dumb, but that's what came to mind at 4am. Early 30's.. I've reached out to a lawyer since we do have children together. He is the provider...

You are still young, OP. Plenty of time to restart your life, find a job you love and someone who will treat you well. Remember how you're feeling and how constant this is. If he tries to lay on the charm, stay dedicated to what you know in your heart.

Go ahead with the divorce proceedings, and document, document, document everything you can. Even a personal diary can be submitted in court. These little incidences do matter.

Thank you so much! It's becoming hard to suppress these feelings. Hard to share with most because they are looking to judge etc.

I'm sure you will get a lot of hate on here from angry men and women who are sure they know best. If only everyone had the luxury of not having to deal with abusive people, maybe we could all be so reproachful and condescending towards abused people for wanting to get out!

Please, don't let it bother you. When a woman decides she wants to get a divorce, she gets a lot of shit thrown at her, especially lots of judgement and hate, even from other women. But you have to just stay strong. Remember that there is a sisterhood of women who have been there and WILL support you. We live in a society that puts a relationship's success/failure almost entirely on the woman's shoulders- she is expected to bend herself and put up with whatever, whereas the guy is allowed to not help with housework, be disagreeable, etc- and it's just "men being men". It's gross.

But the great thing is that you can choose whether you want to put up with it or not. And you can choose whether or not to listen to people on here who are cruel and/or have a chip on their shoulder. ANd my advice to you is: dont! Remember your worth, and don't let anyone denigrate you or make you feel bad because you have remembered your worth, no matter how many mean words they say.

Good luck OP! You have at least one person who is rooting for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't marry older men.

There is something wrong with someone who wants someone who is lacking so much life experience, IMO. Sorry OP. That sucks.

I'm understanding this now! Do you know how bad I wish that I could be doing what folks my age are doing? It sounds pretty dumb! He belittles everyone that's my age... I always tell him " just give them 20 more years to get to where you are". He is starting to make my life miserable. Such a hypocritical asshole! Who sits and monitors what someone eats? Like literally will tell me that my yogurt has 10grams of sugar and the yogurt he eats has 6grams so I should eat the brand he eats!!!!!!


Another rant: the other day we were headed to an appointment. The building that we needed to go to is located on an one way street. He misses the turn to go into the parking garage and Instead of circling the block he attempted to backup to go into the garage. The police stops him. My insurance and registration was actually on the table at the house because I was in the process of switching insurance. The police didn't ask for the insurance or registration. He simply told him -"you know you aren't suppose to be backing up- go around the block". Do you know he started to yell at me because the paperwork was on the table.....vs he acknowledging that he shouldn't have been trying to back up a one way street???? The police wouldn't have stopped you at all if you wasn't doing something wrong. He can't acknowledge his own faults.

You sound like you are still young. Do you make your own money? Could you look into getting a divorce?

I'm sorry OP. I know you're in a tough spot...

The yogurt scenario sounds pretty dumb, but that's what came to mind at 4am. Early 30's.. I've reached out to a lawyer since we do have children together. He is the provider...

You are still young, OP. Plenty of time to restart your life, find a job you love and someone who will treat you well. Remember how you're feeling and how constant this is. If he tries to lay on the charm, stay dedicated to what you know in your heart.

Go ahead with the divorce proceedings, and document, document, document everything you can. Even a personal diary can be submitted in court. These little incidences do matter.

Thank you so much! It's becoming hard to suppress these feelings. Hard to share with most because they are looking to judge etc.

I'm sure you will get a lot of hate on here from angry men and women who are sure they know best. If only everyone had the luxury of not having to deal with abusive people, maybe we could all be so reproachful and condescending towards abused people for wanting to get out!

Please, don't let it bother you. When a woman decides she wants to get a divorce, she gets a lot of shit thrown at her, especially lots of judgement and hate, even from other women. But you have to just stay strong. Remember that there is a sisterhood of women who have been there and WILL support you. We live in a society that puts a relationship's success/failure almost entirely on the woman's shoulders- she is expected to bend herself and put up with whatever, whereas the guy is allowed to not help with housework, be disagreeable, etc- and it's just "men being men". It's gross.

But the great thing is that you can choose whether you want to put up with it or not. And you can choose whether or not to listen to people on here who are cruel and/or have a chip on their shoulder. ANd my advice to you is: dont! Remember your worth, and don't let anyone denigrate you or make you feel bad because you have remembered your worth, no matter how many mean words they say.

Good luck OP! You have at least one person who is rooting for you!

I truly thank you for your kind words. They are much needed!

[Anonymous]

This isn't about age, it's about incompatibility. If you're in your 30s it means your DH is in his fifties. My DH is 14 years older than me and in his 60s now, and wouldn't do a single one of these things - if anyone's likely to nag, it's me. So if you're in a bad place, look at the actual issues. Sounds like you either need counseling, or you have to decide to do the only thing you control - staying or leaving.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like DH has hit the cranky 50s. He's realized, he's a but past his prime and it's only down hill from here. He's taking it out in you rather than putting in the work to get to a place where he can be his best 50 year old self.

Gently suggest a physical. Could be low-T.

I 'm sure he wasn't like this when you married him, even if you were a starry-eyed twenty-something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don't marry older men.

There is something wrong with someone who wants someone who is lacking so much life experience, IMO. Sorry OP. That sucks.

I'm understanding this now! Do you know how bad I wish that I could be doing what folks my age are doing? It sounds pretty dumb! He belittles everyone that's my age... I always tell him " just give them 20 more years to get to where you are". He is starting to make my life miserable. Such a hypocritical asshole! Who sits and monitors what someone eats? Like literally will tell me that my yogurt has 10grams of sugar and the yogurt he eats has 6grams so I should eat the brand he eats!!!!!!


Another rant: the other day we were headed to an appointment. The building that we needed to go to is located on an one way street. He misses the turn to go into the parking garage and Instead of circling the block he attempted to backup to go into the garage. The police stops him. My insurance and registration was actually on the table at the house because I was in the process of switching insurance. The police didn't ask for the insurance or registration. He simply told him -"you know you aren't suppose to be backing up- go around the block". Do you know he started to yell at me because the paperwork was on the table.....vs he acknowledging that he shouldn't have been trying to back up a one way street???? The police wouldn't have stopped you at all if you wasn't doing something wrong. He can't acknowledge his own faults.

You sound like you are still young. Do you make your own money? Could you look into getting a divorce?

I'm sorry OP. I know you're in a tough spot...

The yogurt scenario sounds pretty dumb, but that's what came to mind at 4am. Early 30's.. I've reached out to a lawyer since we do have children together. He is the provider...

You are still young, OP. Plenty of time to restart your life, find a job you love and someone who will treat you well. Remember how you're feeling and how constant this is. If he tries to lay on the charm, stay dedicated to what you know in your heart.

Go ahead with the divorce proceedings, and document, document, document everything you can. Even a personal diary can be submitted in court. These little incidences do matter.

Thank you so much! It's becoming hard to suppress these feelings. Hard to share with most because they are looking to judge etc.

I'm sure you will get a lot of hate on here from angry men and women who are sure they know best. If only everyone had the luxury of not having to deal with abusive people, maybe we could all be so reproachful and condescending towards abused people for wanting to get out!

Please, don't let it bother you. When a woman decides she wants to get a divorce, she gets a lot of shit thrown at her, especially lots of judgement and hate, even from other women. But you have to just stay strong. Remember that there is a sisterhood of women who have been there and WILL support you. We live in a society that puts a relationship's success/failure almost entirely on the woman's shoulders- she is expected to bend herself and put up with whatever, whereas the guy is allowed to not help with housework, be disagreeable, etc- and it's just "men being men". It's gross.

But the great thing is that you can choose whether you want to put up with it or not. And you can choose whether or not to listen to people on here who are cruel and/or have a chip on their shoulder. ANd my advice to you is: dont! Remember your worth, and don't let anyone denigrate you or make you feel bad because you have remembered your worth, no matter how many mean words they say.

Good luck OP! You have at least one person who is rooting for you!

Male here: I do not advocate staying in an abusive relationship at all. But if women file more than two thirds of divorces in the US it seems to me there something fundamentally wrong. Not this relationship in particular

[Anonymous]

We had no kids, but I went through this shit with a similarly older wife. Particularly the bit about slamming my friends and pooh-pooing all the things I wanted to get out and do; the part that really annoyed the shit out of me was that none of those things were "immature" activities, they were just things she didn't want to do. Wound up with nothing but her friends and people from her age group, sitting around on our ass, not doing fun things. And it wasn't like we had kids to get in the way of going out and doing stuff like concerts, live music, etc. The sex completely dried up and what little bit I got sucked; however, the crippling insecurity about age difference made for constant insane jealousy.

Get out sooner, rather than later, while you're still youthful enough to enjoy some fun. Get with a peer, and make them meet you halfway.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I'm your husband's age (early 50's) and no way am I that "old".

You sound as though you are talking about a difficult elderly dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't about age, it's about incompatibility. If you're in your 30s it means your DH is in his fifties. My DH is 14 years older than me and in his 60s now, and wouldn't do a single one of these things - if anyone's likely to nag, it's me. So if you're in a bad place, look at the actual issues. Sounds like you either need counseling, or you have to decide to do the only thing you control - staying or leaving.

This. You two sound basically incompatible....like you don't like each other very much,