s/o Does it mean something when men choose someone totally different from mom
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Anonymous
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Physically, personality-wise, career-wise, culturally, value-wise, I am MIL's polar opposite. We don't even find the same things funny and our fashion sense is dissimilar. It is pretty striking. DH couldn't have picked someone more different if he deliberately set out to hunt for his mother's opposite. MIL actually seemed to take it personally when she first met me and we have never warmed up to each other. DH is very close to her, which makes it all the more noteworthy that he chose someone with literally nothing in common with her.
Do you think it means anything when a man or woman chooses someone who is the antithesis of their opposite sex parent? If you chose someone totally different, why? FWIW, DH will admit he didn't want someone as dependent as his mother, but that is the only conscious departure from his mother that he acknowledges having made. |
Anonymous
| Dont over think it. |
Anonymous
It is MIL who called attention to it early on and has continued to do so over the years. I knew we were different, but I didn't notice just how completely and utterly different until she kept bringing it up in a resentful kind of way. Now I can't help noticing and wondering myself, especially since I have a son I am close to. |
Anonymous
His sisters are exactly like his mom physically, personality-wise etc and we might as be from different planets. |
Anonymous
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OP, I am in the same situation. Trust me when I tell you that our DHs *absolutely, positively* made the decision to marry opposite their mothers on purpose. Whether it was conscious, subconscious, or otherwise - is for a professional therapist to decide.
My SILs are identical to MIL. My DH really needed to get away from it. I will leave it at that. |
Anonymous
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OP, I am in the same situation. Trust me when I tell you that our DHs *absolutely, positively* made the decision to marry opposite their mothers on purpose. Whether it was conscious, subconscious, or otherwise - is for a professional therapist to decide.
My SILs are identical to MIL. My DH really needed to get away from it. I will leave it at that. |
Anonymous
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They can still be working out "mommy issues."
Agree with PP don't overthink it. |
Anonymous
Is your DH close to his mother and how does his mother feel about you? I think what confuses me about the situation is that MIL is DH's best friend apart from me. |
Anonymous
I encourage DH to call his mother, but DH often refuses. I try to persuade DH to include and involve our children with MIL - MIL is not very interested. I encourage a happy relationship with MIL. The problem is, MIL is kind of depressed, so any warmth or pleasantries are often rejected. MIL is not very supportive or positive. I am not close with her, she is not open to change, growing or people who are different. I try to embrace change, growth and new and different people and things at every opportunity; and I especially encourage this with our children. My MIL is the type of MIL who tries to "fit in" with her bridge group (for example) by complaining about her DIL (me - DH's brothers will not marry, presumably). Consequently, SILs children are the be all and end all, as far as MIL is concerned. MIL is very much into distinguishing me as the "DIL" and SILs as the "daughters", in a negative fashion. I believe this is mostly because the SILs are so much like MIL, in every way I can think of. I am well aware that there are MIL types, perhaps depressed like my MIL, who are more than willing to lash out at DILs on this board. I am hopeful there there are more nice MILs than not; and that I will always be a positive force in my children's lives. |
Anonymous
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I choose people very physically different from my father because I don't find my father's "type" attractive. I also tend to like guys who are less religious and who have a darker sense of humor than my dad. I do like guys who like history, and that is like my dad.
I think it's healthy when people choose partners who are not like their parents. And understandable when they choose partners who are a bit like their parents. 
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Anonymous
....depending on their relationship with that parent, of course. I see no point in choosing an abusive spouse (who is much like an abusive parent one had growing up). |
Anonymous
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Sounds like he chose someone different on purpose, then.
I'm not much like my mil, but I like her. I can spend time with her and chat with her. We just are different. And I don't overthink "why" often - I don't think his mom had much to do with his taste in women. |
Anonymous
Freud and many, many other psych professionals would say different. You know that, right? But PP is right, let it go; especially if MIL is kind and respectful to you. |
Anonymous
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The only thing I have in common with MIL is that we are both short and are female. Nevertheless, I like and respect her. She has been nothing but kind and sweet to me. DH loves his Mom and treats her well which in my book is a great sign.
As for you being different from mil, I wouldn't read anything into it. |
Anonymous
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MIL and I are complete opposites in every way. She's a sneaky, manipulative narcissist with no boundaries, who withholds love as punishment, gaslights and badmouths him. I don't have to over think to understand what he sees in me.
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