Do you have a right to open your spouse's mail?

[Anonymous]

DH who is still north of livid. I received a priority letter from an insurance broker and found it opened. This is not the first time something lime this has happened. Her response was that she has a right to look at anything that arrives at her house. I would never think of opening anything she orders online that gets delivered.

Am I overreacting? Feel like I am being controlled.

[Anonymous]

Ask about it? Yes.

Right to open it? No.

[Anonymous]

WTF! You have secret mail delivered to your house.

Yes, I can look at his mail, his phone, his email. He can look at my mail, my phone, my email, my tits.

Geez! Lighten up Francis.

Once in a while he will say... I bought you something don't open the email from Macy's.

But otherwise... what are you hiding?

[Anonymous]

We open each other's mail. Usually it is me as I pay all the bills. He lets it pile up and hates going through it. So I wouldn't think twice if he opened something or vice versa. I really think it depends on your habits but I don't think it's out of line.

[Anonymous]

Meh. We try not to open each other's but it happens and no big deal. Lots of things are in both names but mail gets sent to just one name (car stuff, all insurance is in my name but I get bills for his Appts too). If it looks personal Like a letter from a person the we leave it be for the recipient. What would happen if you opened her stuff? Same reaction as you or Would she not care? If she wouldn't care then she may think you don't either. Talk to her about what your expectations of privacy are in your marriage, you may be on different pages.

[Anonymous]

DH and I open each other's mail all the time. All our finances are joint, so even if his name is on the envelope it concerns me as well.

Why are you upset? Was there something you didn't want her to see? It seems odd that you used the word "livid" instead of "annoyed" or "bothered" or something...it just doesn't strike me as a big deal.

[Anonymous]

I think they have a right to, but as a courtesy I often won't. Either way being livid about it is way out of line.

[Anonymous]

We are still separate people, so we both are respectful of that. I don't open his mail, phone, email... and he does the same. I think it is reasonable that you have a conversation around boundaries and what you are comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

My spouse doesn't care if I open his mail. I don't care either,

[Anonymous]

I don't see it as a right, but our practice is financial stuff is fair game. If you want to deal with it, you're welcome to open it.

[Anonymous]

Financial and business mail, definitely yes. Private mail like a card or letter from a friend, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they have a right to, but as a courtesy I often won't. Either way being livid about it is way out of line.

+1

I wouldn't open an obviously personal piece of mail, but it wouldn't be a big deal if I did. Same in reverse. This applies to phones/emails/whatever. We don't do or say things that *need* to be hidden from the other. Do either of us snoop? Nope.

Why on earth would it matter if OP's wife opened a letter from an insurance broker?

[Anonymous]

The bigger question is what do you have to hide. I open all mail as I am the one who deals with it.

[Anonymous]

My thought is that your spouse has the right to see your non-personal mail but not open it is unless it is something legal that impacts both of you like IRS, tax documents, DMV etc., it is really something for the both of you like a quote from a contractor but is addressed to the person taking the lead, or you have worked out a system like one person makes sure all the bills are paid regardless of who it is addressed to or one person thins out the mail and gets rid of anything that is junk mail regardless of who it is addressed to.

If my DH got priority mail from an insurance broker, and I had no idea he was looking for insurance, I wouldn't open it but I would ask about it. When we were both looking for life insurance as part of estate planning I don't think it mattered who opened that because it was a joint project/decision. To me it is weird to have to wait until DH comes home to open something that is really for the both of us.

[Anonymous]

DH wishes I would, but I make him deal with all the junk mail fundraising crap from the republican party himself.

Like pp's noted, what mail are you getting that your wife shouldn't see? She's your spouse, not your roommate. Presumably.