(New) adult son wants to go to Ibiza

[Anonymous]

As someone who went to Ibiza in her late teens/early 20s many times (along with droves of my fellow British young adults), all I can say is he’s picked the best party island in the world. He’s going to have a great time. Let him be an adult and make some cracking memories. It’s the most fun he’ll ever have.

[Anonymous]

You do nothing. If he can self fund it, he can go. Hope he has a good time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him he should wait to be at least be 21 to go there... and stick to it.

That would, at least, give you a few more years.

Everyone knows only the US has this backwards 21 rule. He 100% knows the legal age is 18 there.

Fine print says ages 15-18. Id be interested to see a map for ages 19-23. Because that’s when US kids get black out drunk compared to other counties where the kids get it out of their systems earlier. IMO, in the US, binge drinking happens with young adults as opposed to school aged teens living at home and is more likely, IMO, to lead to young adults turning drinking into a main part of their social lives as adults

[Anonymous]

We were there last summer, there’s definitely a drug scene but that can be anywhere you have lots of young people partying. I don’t do drugs and never witnessed any drug use firsthand beyond weed.

[Anonymous]

I would warn him against balconing (jumping off a balcony/roof into a swimming pool) and cliff jumping. It's so dangerous and yet a lot of young male tourists do it in Spain, esp. in the Balearics and there are deaths every year.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balconing

Tell him no bull fighting / running with the bulls either. I know, I know, you think I am joking, but American tourists (all young men) get gored practically every year.

Also emphasize the importance of sunscreen, Spanish sun is not joke and you can get very badly burned in only a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to keep his money in his shoe, hide his passport, and never leave his drink unattended. Then tell him to enjoy the trip!

It's his money, and he's an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are the parent and can try to pull rank if you want. But... do you think that is the best way to communicate with your kid? What do you think that will do to your relationship? If you have VALID reasons for your disapproval, then you need to discuss them with your kid. Does he have past substance abuse issues? Ibiza may not be good for a kid in recovery. If your concerns are more general, then lay those out and see what he has to say. At some point, we have to trust our kids to do the right thing, or at the very minimum take ownership for their mistakes and try to rectify them. This is a great opportunity for him to learn about how to keep himself safe while traveling and having fun - basics like never taking a drink from a stranger or leaving your drink unattended, keep your valuables either close to your body or someplace safe, walk in groups and in well-lit places, don't take drugs from strangers (or anyone, really), don't break laws...

[Anonymous]

He could be in the military serving his country at 19.

Cut the apron strings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever he can do there, he can do here. Only thing you can do is bribe him with something better or threaten to take something away.

I advise instead to treat him like an adult and talk about how to stay out of trouble and how to handle various scenarios.

100% this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

It's a vacation. Chill out.

The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip her adult son is taking tells me that they he/she is a control freak who needs to loosen the reigns and let her child live his life.

Exactly. And the best way for these young adults to develop their brains is to be in situations where they get to independently exercise their reason, judgment and planning. Yes, they will make mistakes but it's part of living.

And by the way, "...no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18." is somewhat laughable. There is nothing legally you can do! Plus, are PP and OP not aware that males 18+ MUST register for selective service?

Mommy may not want Little Billy to go on vacay because she's worried about him but Uncle Sam sure doesn't have that problem.

BS, As long as I'm paying for the darn college, their credit card, their food, their phone, their car, their shelter, their insurance, their car insurance, their clothes, their gym membership... I am Uncle Sam!

Wiill you be my parent? That kind of of indulgence was never a part of my universe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever he can do there, he can do here. Only thing you can do is bribe him with something better or threaten to take something away.

I advise instead to treat him like an adult and talk about how to stay out of trouble and how to handle various scenarios.

100% this

umm, that was supposed to happen at 12

[Anonymous]

I've partied in Ibiza many times, as recently as a year ago. The party scene has gone more upscale over the years. If he wants to hit the big clubs, they are 50+ euro to get in and then even a water will run 10 euro. But plenty of Europeans (especially Brits) around that age go there. There are parts of Ibiza that cater to the lower-end crowd, like San Antonio de Portmany, with all the bars offering 2 for 1 drink specials and the like. He'll be a hit with the British lasses because of his American accent -- not many Americans go there.

Tell him not to buy any drugs from the guys on the street -- it's fake or worse. Also there are pickpockets, especially at the packed bars, so keep a backup credit card at the room and don't carry your passport (in the rare case they check ID, a driver's license will usually be OK).

[Anonymous]

Once he sleeps with a few European girls he will never want to have anything to do with American girls again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once he sleeps with a few European girls he will never want to have anything to do with American girls again

That is so inaccurate. Dcum male posters never fail to astonish me with their retrograde views on female sexuality- dilettantes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle this? We all know what happens in Ibiza (major party scene). 19 yo son wants to go this summer and has the $$ to do so. I am really against this for many reasons (he can be impulsive and isn’t the strongest when it comes to peer pressure). What leeway do I have as the mom? He of course is using the “I’m an adult” line

My 22 y.o. daughter went there along and then with 3 girlfriends, they had so much fun!