(New) adult son wants to go to Ibiza

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle this? We all know what happens in Ibiza (major party scene). 19 yo son wants to go this summer and has the $$ to do so. I am really against this for many reasons (he can be impulsive and isn’t the strongest when it comes to peer pressure). What leeway do I have as the mom? He of course is using the “I’m an adult” line

I would say your money your decision but don't add to or subtract from the population (in Ibiza or anywhere).

This is practically a rite of passage.

[Anonymous]

You can share your major concerns (in a calm, not controlling way).

Try to give him limited ste fix guidance in relation to what you are most concerned about (call broke use? Hard drugs? Drinking and driving?)

Perhaps another idea is to say you will pay for the trip if he does it as a graduation celebration (in hopes that he will be more mature?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really not that crazy! He’ll go to clubs, he’ll drink a lot, he may sleep with a few people. The end.

Disgusting.

What is disgusting? No one is asking you to do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really not that crazy! He’ll go to clubs, he’ll drink a lot, he may sleep with a few people. The end.

Disgusting.

What is disgusting? No one is asking you to do it!

Yeah, what’s disgusting? Seriously curious.

[Anonymous]

Ibiza is still a thing? There's a side of the island that is family vaca oriented now. It's fine. No different than if he were going to Miami Beach or Cabo. Let him go. Tell him to stay safe.

[Anonymous]

I took a greyhound buss cross country by myself as an 18yo female. There is NO WAY I would want my teen girl to the same, but I couldn’t stop her because she’s an adult. The only power you have OP is $$.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ibiza is still a thing? There's a side of the island that is family vaca oriented now. It's fine. No different than if he were going to Miami Beach or Cabo. Let him go. Tell him to stay safe.

There have been two parts of Ibiza for years but I don’t think OP’s 19 year old is going to the chic family side! He’s going to Pacha, etc. But it really is fine, it’s an island with fun nightlife. It’s not Sodom and Gomorrah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

The problem for her is that she can't really do anything about it if he's going to be paying for it himself. I guess she can threatened not to pay for college and see how that goes. Ibiza is also not that crazy for a 19 year old. He will party, like he is probably already doing in college.

[Anonymous]

If you know enough about your son to be worried, you know enough about your son to be worried about him anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

It's a vacation. Chill out.

The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip her adult son is taking tells me that they he/she is a control freak who needs to loosen the reigns and let her child live his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

The problem for her is that she can't really do anything about it if he's going to be paying for it himself. I guess she can threatened not to pay for college and see how that goes. Ibiza is also not that crazy for a 19 year old. He will party, like he is probably already doing in college.

Really? I'm sure OP is paying for EVERYTHING ELSE, such as phone, internet, car, school, clothes, food, shelter, ect.... She can apply boundaries/rules as long as he's living at home.

I agree with PP, "Adulting" doesn't happen overnight when they turn 18.

As a parent I would not be opposed to a "road trip" somewhere or even a trip to Florida, but Ibiza? Nope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all of the responses here that are admonishing OP for wanting to intervene. The belief that adulthood begins at 18 and that parents should "drop the rope" ignores the large body of research showing that adolescent brain development continues into emerging adulthood. A 19 year old may be a legal adult, but their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control) is not yet fully developed. This means that they are much more likely than an adult to make poor decisions and lack the inability to discern whether a situation is safe. So no, parents should not "drop the rope" simply because a child reaches a magic number of 18. Emerging adults still benefit from parental support to help them make good decisions and assess risks. The fact that OP is looking for a way to intervene with a planned trip that will likely involve navigating lots of risky situations tells me that they he/she is a responsible parent who understands that at 19, her son is still likely to benefit from parental involvement.

Taking risks and doing stupid things is part of human development. Sure, advise the kid but preventing him from going if he can afford it is taking it too far and not developmentally appropriate at all.

[Anonymous]

What are you so worried about? He’ll go to clubs and drink and party, sure but that is all pretty age appropriate (especially in Spain where it is legal). It’s better than all the Gen-Z boys who sit at home playing video games, never spending time with friends, and getting resentful of never having a girlfriend. Making mistakes is part of growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle this? We all know what happens in Ibiza (major party scene). 19 yo son wants to go this summer and has the $$ to do so. I am really against this for many reasons (he can be impulsive and isn’t the strongest when it comes to peer pressure). What leeway do I have as the mom? He of course is using the “I’m an adult” line

One my kids would travel abroad fine.

Ther other one, with adhd/asd would not. And would be scared too.

The worst combo would be incapable yet overconfident. Those people are total chaos.