PSA: For all the confused men out there

[Anonymous]

From "men's rights activists" to saner Joes, I often see men sincerely confused about why so-called "bad boys" get a lot of female attention while their shlubbier counterparts do not. So, as my good deed for the day, I am reposting a useful exchange from another thread here where more men are like to see it and be helped:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why men are always so confused by this.

Women like bad boys, provided they are attractive. They like attractive good boys, too.

There are plenty of bad boys who are also unattractive, or losers. Women aren't into them so much.

If you are an out-of-shape slob with an unpleasant personality (like many "nice guys") being even more of a dick isn't going to improve your situation.

Bingo. I don't know why it's so hard for men to get this. Women, like men, enjoy attractive people. Being good looking gets a man a lot of leeway just like being good looking gets a woman a lot of leeway. If you are a bitter, out of shape, ugly-faced man who has difficulty with women, it is not because you are too "nice," it is because you are unattractive with a bad personality to boot.

EXACTLY.

I think men feed themselves this fantasy that 1) Women don't care about appearance (thus feeding into this idea that any guy, no matter how ugly, can end up with Gisele Bundchen) and for a particularly bitter set of desperate men 2) Acting like a douche will add to a guy's dating appeal.

Um, no. It doesnt work that way.

Kind of like how attractive women can afford to be bitchier, because they already have a really high dating "score", attractive men can afford to be "bad" or not as kind and accommodating, BECAUSE THEY ALREADY have a high score. An ugly, out of shape schlump cannot act rudely in the same way a really hot guy can, it's just that simple. And in fact, it completely obliterates ANY chance he had for scoring a date.

Wanna score the hot girl of your dreams? Spend less time complaining online to other male virgins. Put the bacon cheeseburger down, report to the gym, and either shave off that tonsure or invest in some Rogaine, Men's Hair Club, or something. Being an asshole on top of your physical defects is not the answer. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

So, you're saying that women will, by and large, choose to have sex with (not settle down with -- that's a different discussion) a good looking, nice guy over a similarly good looking, bad boy?

I don't think that's accurate. There's something about the bad attitude that (many) women seem to find attractive -- even where physical appearance is equivalent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you're saying that women will, by and large, choose to have sex with (not settle down with -- that's a different discussion) a good looking, nice guy over a similarly good looking, bad boy?

I don't think that's accurate. There's something about the bad attitude that (many) women seem to find attractive -- even where physical appearance is equivalent.

Listen, you are getting ahead of yourself. Are you good looking? Are you really sure about that? Your mother's opinion doesn't count.

If you are truly good looking and are still struggling enough to be bitter about who the local "bad boy" is getting, then there is something very wrong with you. Might I suggest adopting a less poisonous, condescending attitude towards women?

[Anonymous]

YES! I love this OP!

[Anonymous]

You're giving amazing advice but I doubt that men will listen. See, it's easier for them to argue with women online than actually put down that cheeseburger and admit they need to do some work.

So... Pointless arguing it is!

[Anonymous]

It depends on the woman.

[Anonymous]

If only we could bottle whatever it is that makes most average to ugly men think they're far more attractive than they are. I'd call it "Delusion."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If only we could bottle whatever it is that makes most average to ugly men think they're far more attractive than they are. I'd call it "Delusion."

I love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From "men's rights activists" to saner Joes, I often see men sincerely confused about why so-called "bad boys" get a lot of female attention while their shlubbier counterparts do not. So, as my good deed for the day, I am reposting a useful exchange from another thread here where more men are like to see it and be helped:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why men are always so confused by this.

Women like bad boys, provided they are attractive. They like attractive good boys, too.

There are plenty of bad boys who are also unattractive, or losers. Women aren't into them so much.

If you are an out-of-shape slob with an unpleasant personality (like many "nice guys") being even more of a dick isn't going to improve your situation.

Bingo. I don't know why it's so hard for men to get this. Women, like men, enjoy attractive people. Being good looking gets a man a lot of leeway just like being good looking gets a woman a lot of leeway. If you are a bitter, out of shape, ugly-faced man who has difficulty with women, it is not because you are too "nice," it is because you are unattractive with a bad personality to boot.

EXACTLY.

I think men feed themselves this fantasy that 1) Women don't care about appearance (thus feeding into this idea that any guy, no matter how ugly, can end up with Gisele Bundchen) and for a particularly bitter set of desperate men 2) Acting like a douche will add to a guy's dating appeal.

Um, no. It doesnt work that way.

Kind of like how attractive women can afford to be bitchier, because they already have a really high dating "score", attractive men can afford to be "bad" or not as kind and accommodating, BECAUSE THEY ALREADY have a high score. An ugly, out of shape schlump cannot act rudely in the same way a really hot guy can, it's just that simple. And in fact, it completely obliterates ANY chance he had for scoring a date.

Wanna score the hot girl of your dreams? Spend less time complaining online to other male virgins. Put the bacon cheeseburger down, report to the gym, and either shave off that tonsure or invest in some Rogaine, Men's Hair Club, or something. Being an asshole on top of your physical defects is not the answer. Good luck!

Nope, you just need money

[Anonymous]

Another day in DCUM, another day where bored women with nothing better to do and wasting time at their jobs decide to bash men in a forum..who are probably in their offices working being productive. (bored woman typing response to meaningless forum).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're giving amazing advice but I doubt that men will listen. See, it's easier for them to argue with women online than actually put down that cheeseburger and admit they need to do some work.

So... Pointless arguing it is!

This! +1

A hot, nice, confident, interesting, etc guy is better than an asshole....

I'd say, for me, boring is the worst! Nice and boring and attractive is still not getting me in bed or in an LTR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From "men's rights activists" to saner Joes, I often see men sincerely confused about why so-called "bad boys" get a lot of female attention while their shlubbier counterparts do not. So, as my good deed for the day, I am reposting a useful exchange from another thread here where more men are like to see it and be helped:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why men are always so confused by this.

Women like bad boys, provided they are attractive. They like attractive good boys, too.

There are plenty of bad boys who are also unattractive, or losers. Women aren't into them so much.

If you are an out-of-shape slob with an unpleasant personality (like many "nice guys") being even more of a dick isn't going to improve your situation.

Bingo. I don't know why it's so hard for men to get this. Women, like men, enjoy attractive people. Being good looking gets a man a lot of leeway just like being good looking gets a woman a lot of leeway. If you are a bitter, out of shape, ugly-faced man who has difficulty with women, it is not because you are too "nice," it is because you are unattractive with a bad personality to boot.

EXACTLY.

I think men feed themselves this fantasy that 1) Women don't care about appearance (thus feeding into this idea that any guy, no matter how ugly, can end up with Gisele Bundchen) and for a particularly bitter set of desperate men 2) Acting like a douche will add to a guy's dating appeal.

Um, no. It doesnt work that way.

Kind of like how attractive women can afford to be bitchier, because they already have a really high dating "score", attractive men can afford to be "bad" or not as kind and accommodating, BECAUSE THEY ALREADY have a high score. An ugly, out of shape schlump cannot act rudely in the same way a really hot guy can, it's just that simple. And in fact, it completely obliterates ANY chance he had for scoring a date.

Wanna score the hot girl of your dreams? Spend less time complaining online to other male virgins. Put the bacon cheeseburger down, report to the gym, and either shave off that tonsure or invest in some Rogaine, Men's Hair Club, or something. Being an asshole on top of your physical defects is not the answer. Good luck!

Nope, you just need money

It goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I've seen friends opt for the bad guy over a great "good guy". They've all had some self esteem issues and I think that played a lot into it.

I'm also an outlier to what you're saying. I was dating the "hot bad guy" for years but there was always something Gholding me back aboUt wanting to marry him. We broke up and shortly after I met dh. Dh is an 8 while my ex was a 10. Dh is an adorable geek and no one would ever say he was a bad boy. And yet I'd choose him 100000 times over my ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I've seen friends opt for the bad guy over a great "good guy". They've all had some self esteem issues and I think that played a lot into it.

I'm also an outlier to what you're saying. I was dating the "hot bad guy" for years but there was always something Gholding me back aboUt wanting to marry him. We broke up and shortly after I met dh. Dh is an 8 while my ex was a 10. Dh is an adorable geek and no one would ever say he was a bad boy. And yet I'd choose him 100000 times over my ex.

What are you on about? I don't see how any part of your response rebuts OP's point that ugly, bitter men need to look to their gremlin-like appearance for the cause of their dating woes and not make up narratives about being "too nice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Nope, you just need money

Dumb dumb, this feeds right into the point in the OP. A fabulously wealthy man who can sweep a woman off her feet has something to offer, just as a good looking man does visually. Preferring men who actually come with more than bald spots spreading as wide as their guts does not mean that women want assholes. It means that women actually want some value in return for their time. You know, the way men do? Or are you beating down the doors of broke Roseanne Barr lookalikes?