I've been unknowingly dating a transgender man

[Anonymous]

I am so angry I don't even know what to do. This "woman" I have been seeing for thee past 3 months is actually a man. The only reason I found out is when we were about to get to "2nd base" this evening and he (she?) told me right before we got started (most likely because he had a dick). I blew up on him and almost slugged him, but I have too much to lose professionally for legal issues. He doesnt understand why I am so upset and said that he's a woman just like every other woman and I should respect that. He really does look like a woman, doesn't have a pronounced atoms apple, sounds feminine, and he has real looking breasts. I don't know if he's had surgery. I understand his point and I'm not against transgenders but I certainly don't want to be with one. I never thought I'd feel this way but actually I feel violated. It's really a total mind fuck right now. Does anyone know I have have any legal options- there are lots of lawyers on here right? What the hell do people do in this situation? I feel like posting his picture and putting it in all the bars so no one goes through this. I just needed to vent. I do not feel ready to talk to my friends about this yet.

[Anonymous]

This reads like some kind of twisted "Letters to Penthouse."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reads like some kind of twisted "Letters to Penthouse."

Thanks for your support

[Anonymous]

3 months and just getting to 2nd base? There's the real problem

[Anonymous]

Legal options?

[Anonymous]

Legal options? No, there are no legal options when you discover something about a person you're dating that makes you not want to date them anymore. Your remedy is called a break-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so angry I don't even know what to do. This "woman" I have been seeing for thee past 3 months is actually a man. The only reason I found out is when we were about to get to "2nd base" this evening and he (she?) told me right before we got started (most likely because he had a dick). I blew up on him and almost slugged him, but I have too much to lose professionally for legal issues. He doesnt understand why I am so upset and said that he's a woman just like every other woman and I should respect that. He really does look like a woman, doesn't have a pronounced atoms apple, sounds feminine, and he has real looking breasts. I don't know if he's had surgery. I understand his point and I'm not against transgenders but I certainly don't want to be with one. I never thought I'd feel this way but actually I feel violated. It's really a total mind fuck right now. Does anyone know I have have any legal options- there are lots of lawyers on here right? What the hell do people do in this situation? I feel like posting his picture and putting it in all the bars so no one goes through this. I just needed to vent. I do not feel ready to talk to my friends about this yet.

I think you meant to say you've been dating a transgender woman. The lingo is tricky but you'll get reamed to hell and back if you use it incorrectly.

Also I think that is something that needs to be told up front on a first date. She was in the wrong here, not you. I'm so sorry that you feel violated. Vent away, that was really shitty and irresponsible of her to do.

[Anonymous]

Well, the thing is, in a relationship, both parties should be allowed to make choices with full information. You don't hide big things like sexuality, imo. In your opinion too, obviously.

So, yes, she was wrong to withhold the info from you three months in. On the other hand, its been three months and you're just now getting to second base, and that also seems like the right depth of relationship to share this kind of information.

It's kind of a wash. Maybe? This might be a relationship you pack up and put away, forgive and forget. With your fiends you can still refer to her as she, since that is the correct pronoun. "We broke up. It was not meant to be. She wasn't the woman I was looking for." The end.

[Anonymous]

She should have told you earlier, and she is disingenious, to say the least, to act all surprised at your shock. Just because she things of herself as a woman, it doesn't mean others think so, and she should know that.

However, I am a little perturbed that you are so aggressive, and felt like hitting her or want to out her publicly. This shows you do have a bias against transgenders to some degree.

Solution. Be a gentleman: break it off politely and privately. Period.

[Anonymous]

Watch "The Crying Game"?

Are you upset about the transgender thing or are you upset about the lying, regardless of what the lie was about? I'd be upset, too, but I'm not sure why you are so angry. Were you attracted to her and now you feel weird about that so you're being defensively angry?

[Anonymous]

Look, its OK to not be able to overlook this woman's biological sex.

However you are an asshole of epic proportions for wanting to slug, sue, and shame her on social media.

[Anonymous]

23:34 here. I just reread your post and see you've been dating for three months. That's a long time! I'd be upset, too. But still try to figure out where your anger is coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, its OK to not be able to overlook this woman's biological sex.

However you are an asshole of epic proportions for wanting to slug, sue, and shame her on social media.

+1. Would you be having this same reaction if you found out she was married?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I would be very upset too.

But I don't know what legal action there is to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, its OK to not be able to overlook this woman's biological sex.

However you are an asshole of epic proportions for wanting to slug, sue, and shame her on social media.

If he did those things he would be an asshole, however thinking/feeling these things and venting them while admitting he felt violated - I don't think we should get our pitchforks out just yet.