Frustrated with my husband's health choices

[Anonymous]

About 5 years ago my husband was put on Metformin due to elevated glucose and A1C. He's also on cholesterol and high blood pressure meds. At that time he met with a nutritionist and then promptly ignored her advice. He "wanted to be able to enjoy life".

When we were making the decision to try for a baby about 4 years ago I made it clear that he would have to take better care of himself. He agreed and promised he would. Over the past 5 years his numbers have been borderline even on Metformin and when his doctor expressed concern he would buckle down and eat better/lose weight but he always reverted back to his preferred habits.

He eats lunch out every day. I've offered numerous times to pack lunch for him. He declines. If I cook a healthy dinner he'll eat it but then complain that he's hungry a little while later. I buy him healthy snacks to eat in his office/car so he's not starving at meal time and he "forgets" about them. I can't hold his hand throughout the day. I can't cook every meal for him. At some point he needs to take responsibility for himself.

He went to the doctor last week and had bloodwork and they called and left a message that he needed to call them back immediately. It was because his glucose and A1C have increased. I don't have the exact number. He's meeting with the doctor on Monday.

I'm not proud to admit it but I lost it on him when he told me about the latest results. I don't know what else he needs to understand that he can't continue like this. He's choosing to slowly kill himself. It's completely unfair to our child.

He says this time will be different but given his track record I have a hard time believing him.

I know I need to get past my own frustration and anger in order to be supportive and helpful. I gave myself a day to be angry and now I need to turn that energy to helping him turn this around.

Any advice or suggestions on how to help him be successful this time?

[Anonymous]

You've done everything you can. Now it's up to him.

[Anonymous]

OP just for full context, how is his weight and blood pressure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP just for full context, how is his weight and blood pressure?

He's 6'0" and probably around 250 lbs. I don't know his blood pressure offhand. He's on meds, although DH says it's because he goes to the dr in the afternoon when he's stressed from work so it's higher than normal. -OP

[Anonymous]

Maybe y'all could do weight watchers together. I have friends who did that and it worked well for them. the husband was pretty thin but everyone could have better eating habits so he went with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've done everything you can. Now it's up to him.

This. Just keep cooking healthy dinners, so what if he's hungry afterwards? Don't nag him. It'll drive him to go the other way.

[Anonymous]

How much do you weigh OP? Are you overweight? Is your child overweight?

Honestly this is a family issue. But you needing to control him and his eating does not help the situation. I know, my Mom did this to my Dad and me. I had an eating disorder that arose from her need to control me.

Don't have any junk food in the house. No chips, no ice cream, no juice, no cookies. None. Make sure you make food with enough protein, fiber and fat to keep all of you full. All eating out stops in exchange for meals he is willing to eat (lean cuisine if he must).

[Anonymous]

Contrary to other posters, I have no patience with that kind of person, and would hound him into either slimness or divorce.

That being said, I would make sure to do everything I could first:

1. No junk food in the house, and packing lunch.

2. Commitment to eating healthy together. Don't ever eat junk in front of him, he's not strong enough.

3. Commitment to exercising together - "date night" could become "yoga on Sunday". But 80% of the effort is actually food-related, just so you know.

4. I would continue to expound on the science behind certain diets versus others, how much suffering he would endure if he persists, how to increase focus and willpower, etc. Is there a documentary on diabetes and heart disease that can shock him into a state of alert? Does he have ADD and is that why he can't get it together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much do you weigh OP? Are you overweight? Is your child overweight?

Honestly this is a family issue. But you needing to control him and his eating does not help the situation. I know, my Mom did this to my Dad and me. I had an eating disorder that arose from her need to control me.

Don't have any junk food in the house. No chips, no ice cream, no juice, no cookies. None. Make sure you make food with enough protein, fiber and fat to keep all of you full. All eating out stops in exchange for meals he is willing to eat (lean cuisine if he must).

As another person who recovered from an eating disorder, I'm surprised by your "no junk" rule. That rule is exactly what led to my eating disorder. First of binge on forbidden food. ThEn after awhile i started feeling guilty and would purge. The amount of wrappers I hid in my room was disgusting.

Op, meet with a nutritionist on your own. They can help you figure out actual methods that will Work.

[Anonymous]

Is he an emotional eater? Addicted to food? If so, I'd start there with counseling to develop healthier coping mechanisms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Contrary to other posters, I have no patience with that kind of person, and would hound him into either slimness or divorce.

That being said, I would make sure to do everything I could first:

1. No junk food in the house, and packing lunch.

2. Commitment to eating healthy together. Don't ever eat junk in front of him, he's not strong enough.

3. Commitment to exercising together - "date night" could become "yoga on Sunday". But 80% of the effort is actually food-related, just so you know.

4. I would continue to expound on the science behind certain diets versus others, how much suffering he would endure if he persists, how to increase focus and willpower, etc. Is there a documentary on diabetes and heart disease that can shock him into a state of alert? Does he have ADD and is that why he can't get it together?

You sound so sweet. Are you in a helping profession, by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Feeling hungry after a healthy dinner is normal if you're not used to it. It will take his body several days to adjust to the reduced calories and fat and in the mean time he will feel grouchy and unsatisfied. It's a tough plateau.

Baby steps - can you guys go for an evening 1 mile walk at least 5x/ week (and then no snacking afterwards that would negate the calories walked off)?

How about a fit bit and a goal to walk X steps/day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Contrary to other posters, I have no patience with that kind of person, and would hound him into either slimness or divorce.

That being said, I would make sure to do everything I could first:

1. No junk food in the house, and packing lunch.

2. Commitment to eating healthy together. Don't ever eat junk in front of him, he's not strong enough.

3. Commitment to exercising together - "date night" could become "yoga on Sunday". But 80% of the effort is actually food-related, just so you know.

4. I would continue to expound on the science behind certain diets versus others, how much suffering he would endure if he persists, how to increase focus and willpower, etc. Is there a documentary on diabetes and heart disease that can shock him into a state of alert? Does he have ADD and is that why he can't get it together?

Wow, you sound congrolling. Who would want to be married to someone who "hounded" him into slimness or threatened divorce??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Contrary to other posters, I have no patience with that kind of person, and would hound him into either slimness or divorce.

That being said, I would make sure to do everything I could first:

1. No junk food in the house, and packing lunch.

2. Commitment to eating healthy together. Don't ever eat junk in front of him, he's not strong enough.

3. Commitment to exercising together - "date night" could become "yoga on Sunday". But 80% of the effort is actually food-related, just so you know.

4. I would continue to expound on the science behind certain diets versus others, how much suffering he would endure if he persists, how to increase focus and willpower, etc. Is there a documentary on diabetes and heart disease that can shock him into a state of alert? Does he have ADD and is that why he can't get it together?

Wow, you sound congrolling. Who would want to be married to someone who "hounded" him into slimness or threatened divorce??

I knew my response would get shot down . It's mind-boggling how many Americans *have* to tiptoe around weight and nutrition. God forbid anyone utter the F word (you now, "fat") or ask a loved one to watch what they eat.

I would expect a higher standard from my spouse/children because I KNOW they can do it. So it's not about pushing them to do something they can't do. It's about helping them achieve what they can, even if they've given up on themselves already. Very few people have metabolic or other medical issues with out of control weight gain and related glucose, cholesterol and blood pressure issues. The immense majority of people with problematic numbers could CHOOSE to get better if they put their heart into it. So I don't see why they shouldn't be pushed into doing it. But then I'm European, where portions are human-sized, most people don't have such bad snacking habits (they just eat three square meals a day) and they don't consume so much processed food. If family members expand too much, others tell them to slim down because they're getting fat. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Contrary to other posters, I have no patience with that kind of person, and would hound him into either slimness or divorce.

That being said, I would make sure to do everything I could first:

1. No junk food in the house, and packing lunch.

2. Commitment to eating healthy together. Don't ever eat junk in front of him, he's not strong enough.

3. Commitment to exercising together - "date night" could become "yoga on Sunday". But 80% of the effort is actually food-related, just so you know.

4. I would continue to expound on the science behind certain diets versus others, how much suffering he would endure if he persists, how to increase focus and willpower, etc. Is there a documentary on diabetes and heart disease that can shock him into a state of alert? Does he have ADD and is that why he can't get it together?

Wow, you sound congrolling. Who would want to be married to someone who "hounded" him into slimness or threatened divorce??

I knew my response would get shot down . It's mind-boggling how many Americans *have* to tiptoe around weight and nutrition. God forbid anyone utter the F word (you now, "fat") or ask a loved one to watch what they eat.

I would expect a higher standard from my spouse/children because I KNOW they can do it. So it's not about pushing them to do something they can't do. It's about helping them achieve what they can, even if they've given up on themselves already. Very few people have metabolic or other medical issues with out of control weight gain and related glucose, cholesterol and blood pressure issues. The immense majority of people with problematic numbers could CHOOSE to get better if they put their heart into it. So I don't see why they shouldn't be pushed into doing it. But then I'm European, where portions are human-sized, most people don't have such bad snacking habits (they just eat three square meals a day) and they don't consume so much processed food. If family members expand too much, others tell them to slim down because they're getting fat. End of story.

Agreed. So many over achievers in DC who can't comprehend that wellness and health are things you can work on just like everything else. If you can hold a job, you have the discipline to be healthy. Why people keep apologizing or making excuses for Being fat is mind boggling.