dad feeling really down right now

[Anonymous]

feeling really down right now. my son just turned 10 today,he has AS but the dr. is now thinking maybe ODD. all he wanted for his birthday was a night at a hotel. i know it was stupid and sure my mother in law will confirm it, but with what little money we had left from unemployment payment, we did the hotel. he was overyjoyed. thinking it would work out before i get the next payment this wednesday. but checking our bank account a few minutes ago, i was way wrong,now it looks like we cant even get groceries. i feel like i am the worst father/husband since i cant even support my family. i wish i could go back in time and not have a family so they arent put through this. before anyone worries, i'm not going to "off" myself. remember, we are broke, cant even afford life insurance. i just had to get this feeling off my chest. cant tell this to wife, she already is dealing with depression and axnity

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. You sound like you really care about and love your child. Please remember that things do, and will get better and that your family needs your love more than anything. They're actually quite fortunate to have you as you care.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live, OP? There are places that can help folks like you who need some assistance.

Are you Virgunia, MD, or DC?

[Anonymous]

Go to social services and apply for food stamps. Food comes before birthdays and hotel rooms.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are your areas of expertise? Can you freelance?

[Anonymous]

OP, hugs. First you can go to a food bank.

Where do you live? Help depends on jurisdiction.

[Anonymous]

Tough love here. You need to get a job. Apply and move if necessary. It's not like how it was 5-6 years ago, there are jobs out there to be had. You have a family that needs supporting. What is your wife doing about all of this?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP and I hope things wok out soon. You sound like a loving father and husband

[Anonymous]

Ugh... I'm so sorry. I've definitely been there. It's so tough having to worry about money on top of everything.

Just remember that this is temporary. You will get through this. Go to a food pantry, church, apply for food stamps. Being food insecure... which I have been... sucks!

As for the birthday, can you do something else special like let him stay in your bedroom and bring him "room service" and let him watch TV in bed? Those are some of the awesome parts about the hotel anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP and I hope things wok out soon. You sound like a loving father and husband

+1 You have given your son a loving home. Hugs to you. Looking at my adult friends, the ones who went through tough financial times end up learning resourcefulness and the value of a dollar. For my friends who did not have loving parents, those wounds persist.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. And please ignore your MIL. What a great gift to your son!

And I agree with the PP -- now, get to work! Even if you have to go knock on doors and offer to cut people's yards this summer, or offer to babysit, you need to be bringing in some money. Role model that to your son, please. If you are out of work, you do whatever you can to support your family.

[Anonymous]

You totally did the right thing. A year from now it will not matter that you ate rice or ramen noodles or whatever for a couple of weeks, but DS will remember that Dad got him that night in the hotel. I'm sure the financial stuff is terrifying but your son needs a father who loves him way worse than he needs anything you can buy with money.

But there should totally be something like the Make A Wish Foundation to help with goofy Aspie birthday wishes.

[Anonymous]

Where are you located and what type of work do you do? I have a child with ASD. I know the stress it puts on a family. Maybe one of us can help you with a job lead, groceries etc.

[Anonymous]

Just another warm wish for good luck for you and your family. I'm not going to guilt you about getting a job, because it's clear you already feel bad about it, and so I'm sure you're doing what you can. Good luck with the job hunt.

[Anonymous]

My 9 year old has ASD and it is stressful. My husband has been looking for work since January. It is really tough out there. Used to be you could apply to a bunch of jobs and something would turn up. Now networking is really key. Companies can be extremely picky and they are. Encourage you to look at "plan b" whether its career change, skills upgrade, volunteer work, entreprenuership (depending on your field), or consulting. My husband got a business license and took three clients over the last 1/2 year. Its less $ than before and no benefits, but keeps us from dipping into savings.

Other tips:

Have 4-5 people in field critique your resume.
Go to alumnae networking events
Start a list of companies you are targetting and look for contacts/research, try to find the openings before they are posted.
Take a class to keep your skills current
Volunteer in your field say with a professional organization

Is your wife carrying the full load now? I am and I know I am feeling the pressure. Help her as much as you can. Take on more house stuff and tell her you appreciate her. I know you too are dealing with alot but don't lose track of supporting your partner through this. If you have not already, downsize your lifestyle, it will help you feel less stress. Good luck.