Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

[Anonymous]

Ladies: if you are interested in getting married, you need to be well aware of the fact that you are probably most attractive sometime in your mid- to late-twenties. This means that your mid- to late-twenties are the years in which you are most likely to attract the highest quality man you can get. And while maximizing your attractiveness is key, it all counts for nothing if you aren't single when the right guy comes along, or if you aren't putting yourself out there because you are involved with someone who is only half-committed to you. So in addition to looking your best, you need to make sure you aren't spending time in dead-end relationships.

Time and time again I see or hear about girls who allow a guy to date them for three or four years in their twenties without proposing. This blows my mind. I understand that these girls are holding out in the hope of eventually getting a proposal, but they don't give enough consideration to the possibility that they'll be strung along for another two or three years, only to have him decide that he wants someone else - or worse yet, someone younger. Combine this with a girl's reduced odds of finding someone (let alone someone better) once she begins to age and things begin to fall into perspective; it seems crazy to consider dating someone for more than a year without a very strong confidence about the direction in which the relationship is heading.

Ladies: don't give a guy your most eligible years with nothing to show for it. This is bullshit. If you ultimately want to get married and your current relationship isn't constantly growing stronger (i.e. approaching something permanent), then you need to start asking questions. And if you aren't getting satisfactory answers, it is time to look elsewhere. The clock is ticking.

Furthermore, your time is your responsibility - not his. For better or worse, men will not make commitments that aren't required of them. If he isn't taking things to the next level when you think it is appropriate, break up with him. You can do this nicely, and you should explain your reasoning clearly, but you should still break up with him. More easily said than done? Probably. But it is the best move nonetheless. If he really wants you, he will try to get you back; but if he doesn't, remember: during your most eligible years, you are better off being back on the market than tied up in a dead-end relationship.

[Anonymous]

Well put. I couldn't agree more.

[Anonymous]

Agreed!

I have a 36 year old girlfriend down in the dumps because her (same aged) boyfriend "isn't sure" about marriage and children. She spent her twenties and thirties partying and now she has nothing to show for it.

I know you will probably get flamed (hard) for this, but I agree with you wholeheartedly.

[Anonymous]

Also do not move in with a man hoping he will propose. All he is commuting to is a roommate who has sex with him, splits the rent and possibly cleans and cooks for him. Do NOT do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed!

I have a 36 year old girlfriend down in the dumps because her (same aged) boyfriend "isn't sure" about marriage and children. She spent her twenties and thirties partying and now she has nothing to show for it.

I know you will probably get flamed (hard) for this, but I agree with you wholeheartedly.

She probably also blew off several good guys. Just desserts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also do not move in with a man hoping he will propose. All he is commuting to is a roommate who has sex with him, splits the rent and possibly cleans and cooks for him. Do NOT do it.

+1000

I made this mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed!

I have a 36 year old girlfriend down in the dumps because her (same aged) boyfriend "isn't sure" about marriage and children. She spent her twenties and thirties partying and now she has nothing to show for it.

I know you will probably get flamed (hard) for this, but I agree with you wholeheartedly.

She probably also blew off several good guys. Just desserts?

I don't know what this means.

She dated a few duds. One guy (the only one I really liked - he was a bit older but was successful, charming, funny, smart - she dumped over something very dumb, at 30).

[Anonymous]

Agreed. My friend is 27 and has been dating her boyfriend for 5 years. He's a Jerk. They just moved in together and by that I mean he's allowed her to move her stuff in to his place. Her name is on nothing tied to that house (well except for the postal Service). He could kick her out tomorrow and she'd have no recourse. He keeps coming up with reasons why he's not ready for marriage (he's 34). I'm worried she's wasting her prime years on him.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. I'm a 48 yr old divorced woman. I think you'll get flamed but you shouldnt be: in several places,you qualify your advice with "if that is what the woman wants, then XYZ ....."

[Anonymous]

Here's an interesting scenario. I've actually been in a relationship with a woman who was 37 when I was 32. Clearly I had the time advantage on my side (no biological clock, etc.). However, at one point in the relationship she did some really unfair stuff to me (including us going sexless for 1 year). Rather than break up with her, I stuck around for 2 extra years just to make sure she lost something (time) too. Seemed fair to me. I was in no rush to move on and we got along as friends, just our sex life had gone to crap. So I basically waited her out. She realized I wouldn't propose when the sex life didn't come back. And she also realized she was about to turn 39. I feel like it was fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's an interesting scenario. I've actually been in a relationship with a woman who was 37 when I was 32. Clearly I had the time advantage on my side (no biological clock, etc.). However, at one point in the relationship she did some really unfair stuff to me (including us going sexless for 1 year). Rather than break up with her, I stuck around for 2 extra years just to make sure she lost something (time) too. Seemed fair to me. I was in no rush to move on and we got along as friends, just our sex life had gone to crap. So I basically waited her out. She realized I wouldn't propose when the sex life didn't come back. And she also realized she was about to turn 39. I feel like it was fair.

Yikes! All the more reason to pay attention to OP's post.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing, I've pretty much said the same exact thing as OP to girls in their late twenties over the years (trusted friends or family) and it either a) scares the crap out of them or b) they eyeball you like you're the crazy anti-feminist. More and more it's been option b. I'm keeping my mouth shut more often than not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's an interesting scenario. I've actually been in a relationship with a woman who was 37 when I was 32. Clearly I had the time advantage on my side (no biological clock, etc.). However, at one point in the relationship she did some really unfair stuff to me (including us going sexless for 1 year). Rather than break up with her, I stuck around for 2 extra years just to make sure she lost something (time) too. Seemed fair to me. I was in no rush to move on and we got along as friends, just our sex life had gone to crap. So I basically waited her out. She realized I wouldn't propose when the sex life didn't come back. And she also realized she was about to turn 39. I feel like it was fair.

Wait. You wasted two years of your life with someone to get even?! Talk about shooting yourself in the foot! I would say you two sound perfect for each other.

[Anonymous]

If you're a woman in her late twenties dating a guy who hasn't proposed what should you do? Dump him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're a woman in her late twenties dating a guy who hasn't proposed what should you do? Dump him?

Depends on how long you've been dating him.