DH wants kids and I don't.

[Anonymous]

We used to be on the same page about this and now we aren't. Should I do it anyway?

[Anonymous]

Who changed their mind? They are outta luck,

[Anonymous]

NO. Do not, please do not.

I was you two years ago. I had a child because I love my husband more than I could say, and wanted to do that for him since he wanted it so much. I can honestly say I hate my daily life now, despite therapy and drugs and everything else to try to salvage it. I am counting on things getting better when he is older, but it sucks for all involved that I'm not enjoying being a parent.

If you are anything less than enthusiastic about kids, don't do it. Better to wonder "what if", than wish you hadn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used to be on the same page about this and now we aren't. Should I do it anyway?

Getting couples counseling is easy. Getting a divorce is easy.

Raising children when not on the same page as your partner is hard.

Having children when you don't want them is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used to be on the same page about this and now we aren't. Should I do it anyway?

Well, why aren't you still on that page together?

[Anonymous]

No. I wouldn't get pregnant if I already knew the other person didn't want children.

Children should come into this world wanted as well as planned. There are just too many unwanted + unloved children already in our world w/out bringing more in.

And do not think by getting preggers, he will automatically embrace parenthood. Nothing can be further from the truth OP.

I say if he really feels strongly against starting a family and you feel strongly for it, then this is a huge and important deal-breaker.

You both are just not going to be compatible long-term.

So sorry, but hope this offers some good insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I wouldn't get pregnant if I already knew the other person didn't want children.

Children should come into this world wanted as well as planned. There are just too many unwanted + unloved children already in our world w/out bringing more in.

And do not think by getting preggers, he will automatically embrace parenthood. Nothing can be further from the truth OP.

I say if he really feels strongly against starting a family and you feel strongly for it, then this is a huge and important deal-breaker.

You both are just not going to be compatible long-term.

So sorry, but hope this offers some good insight.

Dear lord, can't you read?

[Anonymous]

What kind of woman doesn't want children

[Anonymous]

Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.

If you can get your hands on it, read the book The Baby Decision by Merle Bombardieri. It is out of print, but many libraries have it or can get it through inter-library loan. Don't be concerned that it is from the early 1980's. It is an EXCELLENT book for working through the kids question and thinking about the realities of it - you and your DH should both read it before you make any decisions, whether on kids or on divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We used to be on the same page about this and now we aren't. Should I do it anyway?

Well, why aren't you still on that page together?

Because life happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of woman doesn't want children

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO. Do not, please do not.

I was you two years ago. I had a child because I love my husband more than I could say, and wanted to do that for him since he wanted it so much. I can honestly say I hate my daily life now, despite therapy and drugs and everything else to try to salvage it. I am counting on things getting better when he is older, but it sucks for all involved that I'm not enjoying being a parent.

If you are anything less than enthusiastic about kids, don't do it. Better to wonder "what if", than wish you hadn't.

Thank you so much for your honesty. I'm a different poster in the middle of making this decision with my husband, and I'm leaning towards not wanting kids. I really appreciate you sharing your experience - it is not something many people will admit to and one of the reasons I'm so appreciative of this forum being anonymous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of woman doesn't want children

The OP. Get out and live a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO. Do not, please do not.

I was you two years ago. I had a child because I love my husband more than I could say, and wanted to do that for him since he wanted it so much. I can honestly say I hate my daily life now, despite therapy and drugs and everything else to try to salvage it. I am counting on things getting better when he is older, but it sucks for all involved that I'm not enjoying being a parent.

If you are anything less than enthusiastic about kids, don't do it. Better to wonder "what if", than wish you hadn't.

Thank you so much for your honesty. I'm a different poster in the middle of making this decision with my husband, and I'm leaning towards not wanting kids. I really appreciate you sharing your experience - it is not something many people will admit to and one of the reasons I'm so appreciative of this forum being anonymous.

OP here and I want to echo the thanks for your post. hard to find honesty on this topic.

[Anonymous]

I didn't want kids. DH did. Before we got engaged, we agreed on one, even though he wanted more like three or four.

After two years of marriage, we got pregnant and had a baby. I was not excited at ALL. I could only envision myself being an even mediocre mother to a son. We got a girl. I was basically devastated and tried to talk DH into finding some woman who had a boy but wanted a girl, and then negotiate a switch. He insisted we try out our daughter. She's now three. I love her, and the second one who came after her.

I still can't stand other people's kids. I probably don't get as excited about my kids milestones as other people do. I hate kid toys and kid-centric things like Disney or whatever else.

If you don't want kids, don't have them. It's not fair to the child.