Long-term boyfriend has attitude problem

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 6 years has always been kind of pissy, for lack of a better word. The past year or so it has gotten much worse. He is easily angered and annoyed and I am getting tired of it. He huffs and puffs/ rolls his eyes during normal conversations and it makes me feel bad. He is also quick to get angry at small things. I've tried talking to him and telling him how it makes me feel, but nothing changes. I love him but lately I've been fantasizing about leaving him. I think I could find someone who is more positive and doesn't make me feel like I'm annoying for initiating conversation. Leaving him would change my life dramatically though. What would you do? Is he going to change? Is he maybe depressed?

[Anonymous]

It's possibly depression. Is he under more stress now than he used to be?

But a lot of it is just how he learned to manage anger. I get it. I don't manage it well, either. I had to really re-learn how I dealt with anger when I had a kid and saw my kid imitating me. Not pleasant.

I'd do two things in your shoes. One, if you really want to stay, see if there is a way you can shut it down when it happens. That could mean quietly saying, "I'm not going to participate in this discussion any longer until you can be respectful, both in words and mannerisms." Or however "you" would say that. And leave. He might clue in finally, that it's a problem. And maybe he'd be more willing to work on his behavior.

If not, you could say it's the end of the road. That might scare him into changing. But if you go this far, you need to be prepared to truly leave. If you threaten and don't follow through, he will never change. He knows all it means is an argument or two and then things go back to normal.

[Anonymous]

Ditch him. You've wasted enough time. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

"Boyfriends" are for finding out what is a match with you, and what isn't.

There's no obligation here. That's what "dating" is about.

Use dating for that purpose.

[Anonymous]

Run while you can!!! People don't change. They just get worse. Negative people are toxic. Toxic. Run while you can.

[Anonymous]

OP, google "contemptuousness" and "poor emotional regulation". Those are the terms my therapist used to describe my husband's behavior, which sounds a lot like what you expressed re your boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

My ex starting act this way for the last year of our 20 year marriage. Turned out he was having an affair for that time period. This behavior is very typical of a cheating partner.

To be fair, he may just be in a pissy mood and acting like an asshole. Guys have been known to be assholes without having affairs.

[Anonymous]

Why are you still dating anyone after 6 years?

[Anonymous]

You kinda lost me when you said he's always been kind of pissy. Who wants to deal with that? Especially when you are just dating and don't 'have' to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ditch him. You've wasted enough time. You deserve better.

Honestly, what's the point?

You stick with an asshole brother. You support your crazy sister throughout your lifetime.

This is a guy who has shown you great difficulty and disrespect. What else do you need to know in order to move on? What are you trying to prove?

As a wise friend once told me: "There are 6 billion people on the planet. Find another boyfriend."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of 6 years has always been kind of pissy, for lack of a better word. The past year or so it has gotten much worse. He is easily angered and annoyed and I am getting tired of it. He huffs and puffs/ rolls his eyes during normal conversations and it makes me feel bad. He is also quick to get angry at small things. I've tried talking to him and telling him how it makes me feel, but nothing changes. I love him but lately I've been fantasizing about leaving him. I think I could find someone who is more positive and doesn't make me feel like I'm annoying for initiating conversation. Leaving him would change my life dramatically though. What would you do? Is he going to change? Is he maybe depressed?

It would change your life dramatically...for the better.

Wtf are you doing dating someone for 6 years anyway? To get to know him? You know. You don't like. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You kinda lost me when you said he's always been kind of pissy. Who wants to deal with that? Especially when you are just dating and don't 'have' to?

+1

[Anonymous]

He could be depressed. Or could not be.

He could be just getting bored of the relationship. And taking it all for granted.

Or who really knows why??

You may never know the true reason behind his behavior, that is out of your hands.

What you can control is whether or not you are willing to subject yourself to being treated sub-par like this another day.

I think you know what you want to do. The million dollar question is if you have the guts to follow through.

[Anonymous]

I would get out. I really would. It won't get better if you get married, and life with someone like that is like walking on eggshells. NO THANK YOU.

[Anonymous]

You've tried talking to him about it, yet that has gotten you nowhere. If he is unwilling to work on the relationship and you are unwilling to be treated like this forever, it's time to move on.