boys alone in men's room?

[Anonymous]

Many parents do not let their young boys use a men's room alone. I was wondeirng if anyone know of any statistics on how big a problem boys being molested (or even seeing something inappropriate) was? or if in fact it is not a serious problem?

[Anonymous]

I doubt it's much of a problem at all. Molesters look for easy opportunities. I doubt they would try something knowing the mom was standing right outside. Bathrooms with "two" entrance/exits, however, would be a big problem -- they could whisk the kid right out the other door.

I'm not saying we shouldn't be very careful. We should.

[Anonymous]

Well, it clearly happens. I'm just wondering if there are any stats on how often it happens.

Just a quick news search:

http://www.wbaltv.com/news/8846922/detail.html

Westminster MD Ruby Tuesday bathroom
"A 23-year-old Westminster man remains in police custody, charged with the alleged molestation of a 7-year-old boy in the bathroom of a restaurant."


http://www.topix.com/forum/city/new-brunswick-nj/T1VGKSCIO4H1R8MJH
"A 27-year-old Dayton man pleaded guilty Monday to the sexual assault in April of a 7-year-old boy in a men's room at Macy's in Brunswick Square Mall in East"

http://www.ajc.com/services/content/metro/cobb/stories/2008/07/18/magician_child_molestation_charge.html
Bathroom of a Target
"According to Cobb police, Wasley approached two small boys in the bathroom of the Target store on Barrett Parkway in Kennesaw on Monday"

http://www.baristanet.com/2006/01/montclair_man_charged_in_attem.php
"A 41-year-old Montclair man, Douglas McDonald, was arrested yesterday at Willowbrook Mall on charges that he attempted to molest a 13-year-old boy in a Lord & Taylor men's room. McDonald was carrying condoms, lubricant and a box cutter, and is accused of pulling the boy into a stall."

[Anonymous]

Fot that last one, what's the solution? I mean, I can't see taking a 13YO into the women's room with Mommy.

[Anonymous]

These headlines are disturbing. I'm not sure what to do with the 13yo boy either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it's much of a problem at all. Molesters look for easy opportunities. I doubt they would try something knowing the mom was standing right outside. Bathrooms with "two" entrance/exits, however, would be a big problem -- they could whisk the kid right out the other door.

I'm not saying we shouldn't be very careful. We should.

I'm one of the posters in both threads. I'm the one who shouts that my kid has 30 seconds or I'm coming in. He's been going in alone to some places since he was 4 or 5, more kinds of places since he was 6 (including an airport bathroom). I think it's one of those things that we have to ease ourselves and our kids into, and prepare them. My son and I recently had a conversation (not the first) about what to do if he's in there and someone is acting creepy. We went through a lot of very specific "what-ifs" with the objective of clarifying some stuff that's just vague to a kid, or even an adult, and being able to SEE when a boundary is being crossed. E.g., what if a person isn't saying anything to you or coming after you, but blocks the door? Say "excuse me" loudly and clearly, and if they don't budge, raise holy hell as loud as you can: "FIRE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!" etc. etc. We talked about how it's OK to be wrong or embarrassed if you're not sure, but raise holy hell anyway.

[Anonymous]

30 second mom again. Also, Lord and Taylor story indicates it was an "attempted" molestation. I'm not making light of it. It's terrifying. But, it wasn't successful. I can't link to the story, but it's possible the boy made a lot of noise, caused a ruckus, got away without just quietly getting pulled into a stall and, lucky him, a security guard strolls in. He got away. They caught the guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it's much of a problem at all. Molesters look for easy opportunities. I doubt they would try something knowing the mom was standing right outside. Bathrooms with "two" entrance/exits, however, would be a big problem -- they could whisk the kid right out the other door.

I'm not saying we shouldn't be very careful. We should.

I'm one of the posters in both threads. I'm the one who shouts that my kid has 30 seconds or I'm coming in. He's been going in alone to some places since he was 4 or 5, more kinds of places since he was 6 (including an airport bathroom). I think it's one of those things that we have to ease ourselves and our kids into, and prepare them. My son and I recently had a conversation (not the first) about what to do if he's in there and someone is acting creepy. We went through a lot of very specific "what-ifs" with the objective of clarifying some stuff that's just vague to a kid, or even an adult, and being able to SEE when a boundary is being crossed. E.g., what if a person isn't saying anything to you or coming after you, but blocks the door? Say "excuse me" loudly and clearly, and if they don't budge, raise holy hell as loud as you can: "FIRE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!" etc. etc. We talked about how it's OK to be wrong or embarrassed if you're not sure, but raise holy hell anyway.

I like that advice a lot. I would have been embarassed to make a scene as a child. My son's not, but I'm sure many kids are.

[Anonymous]

great advice. i like the FIRE part. that's simple enough for a small child to yell and get immediate help. thanks.

i would think it's hard to get statistics, but i wouldn't minimize the risks. so scary.

[Anonymous]

recent blog

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2008/12/public_restroom_101.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These headlines are disturbing. I'm not sure what to do with the 13yo boy either.

Buddy system?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's worth the risk. 13 YO is a far cry from 5, 6, 7....

[Anonymous]

Don't know any statistics, but I have a friend who was molested when he was a boy in a bathroom--i'm guessing he was about 10. With other friends who were molested and having been accosted myself as a young girl with an invitation to get in a stranger's car, I think it's best to be a little suspicious. I let my son use the bathroom by himself in synagogue while I'm waiting outside, but have told him that he's not old enough to go by himself in a shopping mall. I'm not sure when I will feel comfortable. Right now, I'm wondering what happens when he turns 6 and is too old to come into the women's locker room at the pool . . .will probably have him skip showers until he's older.