My soon to be EX DH is hosting a birthday party for our child at his Girlfriends house

[Anonymous]

You can restrict your ex from having overnight guests when the children are in his custody.

[Anonymous]

OP here--is this something that can be used in our custody battle? I just dont understand how someone with a history of girlfriends (and bad decisions) is so comfortably doing this while going through a very contentious custody battle? Doesn't it reflect terribly?

OP It's a sign of lack of willingness to respectfully co-parent and consider the best interests of the child. So, not on it's own is it abusive, but if you are taking of all this to trial and have more proof of uncooperative behavior an disregard of child's best interests you might succeed in arguing for final decisionmaking authority for major decisions. Unfortunately, birthday parties are not that, and if he chooses to hold a party during his parenting time, your kids friends and their families will continue to be caught up in his drama. Take a shower, put on your lipstick, hug your child, and rise above. Hugs to you. (I'm in the same boat.)

[Anonymous]

Don't focus on the GF. This was your STB exes' choice and you need to focus on your legal case for protecting your child's interests. Focusing on the GF does not help you at all. It makes you look jealous and not the mature one who is the only one who can cooperative promote the child's interests, which include a respectful relationship with the father. OK?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

OMG
Can't believe they are hosting a kiddie birthday party at the GF's house when you are still technically married. That is so awkward for the guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--is this something that can be used in our custody battle? I just dont understand how someone with a history of girlfriends (and bad decisions) is so comfortably doing this while going through a very contentious custody battle? Doesn't it reflect terribly?

OP It's a sign of lack of willingness to respectfully co-parent and consider the best interests of the child. So, not on it's own is it abusive, but if you are taking of all this to trial and have more proof of uncooperative behavior an disregard of child's best interests you might succeed in arguing for final decisionmaking authority for major decisions. Unfortunately, birthday parties are not that, and if he chooses to hold a party during his parenting time, your kids friends and their families will continue to be caught up in his drama. Take a shower, put on your lipstick, hug your child, and rise above. Hugs to you. (I'm in the same boat.)

Its not abuse. Its inconsiderate and crappy. He has a right to hold a party during his parenting time and not invite mom.

[Anonymous]

I'm the lawyer responding above about your custody case. I would not engage in a battle involving your child's friends/families by holding a second party this year. You attend, support your child, and, yes, this is an element in your case if you are seeking to show his incapacity to co-parent effectively and respectfully. Again, it is not itself abusive behavior, but if there is a pattern of this, collect your evidence. Ignore the GF. Your behavior will be under a microscope. Everything must be done to promote your child's interests, not your feelings or wish for revenge or such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son gets 2 birthday parties this year. That's the only solution. Invite your family and DSs friends to a party at your house.

Don't go to your Exs girlfriend's house. WTF?!!

How old is your kid?

I would send an invite soon.

My kid is turning 7.

That is REALLY crappy.

Send out invites.

To one or two moms you know, apologize for the double invite and let them know (discretely, lol) that you had this party planned but your husband and his new girlfriend went behind your back and planned this party at the girlfriend's house with her extended family. Let them know when you touched base with your husband to finalize the plans (since you usually are the one to plan the parties and your husband never has had a role in it and just shows up) he told you about this one. Tell them you understand if they cannot make it to the originally planned party.

I guarantee that they will get the word out and her real bday party will be well attended by her friends.

I wpuld not attend the girlfriend's party under these circumstances an probably most of her ftiends woukd not either. Sisters before bitches.

NP. That sounds to me like it punishes the kid more than anyone. Kids don't want to get caught up in the parent drama. The daughter's life is being turned upside down, and she just wants a calm, happy party with her friends and ideally both parents.

OP: For your kid's sake, be the bigger person here. You can attend a half hour of the party with gritted teeth (time it for cake and singing, not the activities), or you can skip it entirely. You can have a special day with your child and a couple of close friends to celebrate her birthday a second time. But don't go out of your way to undermine the party that has already been planned. Yes, it was a horribly crappy thing for the STBX and gf to do, but don't stick your child in the middle of it by sabotaging her party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--is this something that can be used in our custody battle? I just dont understand how someone with a history of girlfriends (and bad decisions) is so comfortably doing this while going through a very contentious custody battle? Doesn't it reflect terribly?

I don't know, but I would add "birthday parties" to the list of things that you need to spell out in whatever agreement is reached.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those times that you just have to think to yourself "My love for my child is greater than my hatred (contempt, disappointment, etc.) of my ex."

Your child would like you to go to the party. Go. And like a pp mentioned earlier in the thread, look your best and SMILE big.

They both sound like crappy people and probably deserve each other. I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the lawyer responding above about your custody case. I would not engage in a battle involving your child's friends/families by holding a second party this year. You attend, support your child, and, yes, this is an element in your case if you are seeking to show his incapacity to co-parent effectively and respectfully. Again, it is not itself abusive behavior, but if there is a pattern of this, collect your evidence. Ignore the GF. Your behavior will be under a microscope. Everything must be done to promote your child's interests, not your feelings or wish for revenge or such.

Lots of kids have two parties, a family party and a friends party. OP should have her party as she wants and let Dad have his party. She should support his party as he should hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those times that you just have to think to yourself "My love for my child is greater than my hatred (contempt, disappointment, etc.) of my ex."

Your child would like you to go to the party. Go. And like a pp mentioned earlier in the thread, look your best and SMILE big.

They both sound like crappy people and probably deserve each other. I'm sorry, OP.

Till he cheats on the new girlfriend...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

That's really crappy. I'd go to two parities knowing the situation, especially if you told me what he did. Honestly, I'd rather take my kid to Pump it Up and he'd rather go there than to someone's house, especially when its colder out. Your idea is much better. He should not have done that.

My kids friends have already called to express confusion and weirdness about the fact the invite was to HER house. It's really mean and cruel--especially since I was trying to work it out amicably by having it on neutral grounds. I am just crushed for my kid who already told me "We have an invitation for you. Can you come?" I didn't know what to say.

When you called to ask him to make plans, did you already know that he sent out invites? I think you did...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't focus on the GF. This was your STB exes' choice and you need to focus on your legal case for protecting your child's interests. Focusing on the GF does not help you at all. It makes you look jealous and not the mature one who is the only one who can cooperative promote the child's interests, which include a respectful relationship with the father. OK?

+1

[Anonymous]

This would cut me OP but as much as I could I would just let it go. Once you are divorced - your STBX will be planning his parenting style without you at all and you have been given the gift early on of knowing that you really don't need to consult him about your plans. I think I'd have my own party for my kid - and if you want it at pump it up do it but do it afterwards. I don't think I'd go to the party but would do and say nothing to undermine the fun for your kid-just let your DC know that this is his Dad's time to celebrate him and you two can plan the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

That's really crappy. I'd go to two parities knowing the situation, especially if you told me what he did. Honestly, I'd rather take my kid to Pump it Up and he'd rather go there than to someone's house, especially when its colder out. Your idea is much better. He should not have done that.

My kids friends have already called to express confusion and weirdness about the fact the invite was to HER house. It's really mean and cruel--especially since I was trying to work it out amicably by having it on neutral grounds. I am just crushed for my kid who already told me "We have an invitation for you. Can you come?" I didn't know what to say.

When you called to ask him to make plans, did you already know that he sent out invites? I think you did...

I absolutely did NOT. I emailed him on Saturday to see what he wanted to do. On Monday he emailed back with the plan. On MOnday night, I called to talk to my DD.