My soon to be EX DH is hosting a birthday party for our child at his Girlfriends house

[Anonymous]

Don't host a second party. Take your kids somewhere special to celebrate this bday as a unit (zoo, movies, aquarium, baseball game, whatever), but hosting a second party makes it into a public feud which is good for no one. You did nothing wrong here, and it's very crappy that his pettiness has put you in a bad position, but don't turn around and put all of your kid's friends and friends' parents into a bad position as well.

[Anonymous]

On the flip side, all of the single moms I know plan the entire birthday party themselves and don't let the ex husbands attend. So at least you don't have to plan the party.

Do you have holidays scheduled out? Make sure you're getting half the holidays so you don't miss out on Christmas. And plan these things further out next time.

[Anonymous]

OP here--my kid really wants to have a sleep over. Instead, I am invited a handful of kids for a "sleep under". This was a totally awful move done by the girlfriend who knows we are in a highly contentious divorce/custody. She was even the one who drove around hand delivering the invites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the flip side, all of the single moms I know plan the entire birthday party themselves and don't let the ex husbands attend. So at least you don't have to plan the party.

Do you have holidays scheduled out? Make sure you're getting half the holidays so you don't miss out on Christmas. And plan these things further out next time.

Well, this wasn't going to be me as I was the one who reached out to my ex to discuss what WE should do for the birthday party. I was happy to work together despite the fact he is suing me for sole custody (!!!!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son gets 2 birthday parties this year. That's the only solution. Invite your family and DSs friends to a party at your house.

Don't go to your Exs girlfriend's house. WTF?!!

How old is your kid?

I would send an invite soon.

My kid is turning 7.

That is REALLY crappy.

Send out invites.

To one or two moms you know, apologize for the double invite and let them know (discretely, lol) that you had this party planned but your husband and his new girlfriend went behind your back and planned this party at the girlfriend's house with her extended family. Let them know when you touched base with your husband to finalize the plans (since you usually are the one to plan the parties and your husband never has had a role in it and just shows up) he told you about this one. Tell them you understand if they cannot make it to the originally planned party.

I guarantee that they will get the word out and her real bday party will be well attended by her friends.

I wpuld not attend the girlfriend's party under these circumstances an probably most of her ftiends woukd not either. Sisters before bitches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--is this something that can be used in our custody battle? I just dont understand how someone with a history of girlfriends (and bad decisions) is so comfortably doing this while going through a very contentious custody battle? Doesn't it reflect terribly?

It's because he is a bad person, OP! You know this already, right? Now your job is just to cushion the blow on your kids. Unfortunately that means you have to suck up the birthday party instead of going crazy over it, no matter how bad it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

That's really crappy. I'd go to two parities knowing the situation, especially if you told me what he did. Honestly, I'd rather take my kid to Pump it Up and he'd rather go there than to someone's house, especially when its colder out. Your idea is much better. He should not have done that.

My kids friends have already called to express confusion and weirdness about the fact the invite was to HER house. It's really mean and cruel--especially since I was trying to work it out amicably by having it on neutral grounds. I am just crushed for my kid who already told me "We have an invitation for you. Can you come?" I didn't know what to say.

Tell your son with a big smile that this year he gets to have 2 birthday parties! One with dad and one at pump it up! I would send an invite right away to all his friends. On your invite you can say that his dad is also hosting a house party for DS. Everyone is welcome and invited to both. If anyone asks you in person you can tell them what's going on.

Yes! Do this.

Seriously OP.

This is the best solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--is this something that can be used in our custody battle? I just dont understand how someone with a history of girlfriends (and bad decisions) is so comfortably doing this while going through a very contentious custody battle? Doesn't it reflect terribly?

Don't do this. I know this is uncomfortable but this is not on the level of affecting custody battles. Really minor in the grand scheme. I know it doesn't feel like that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son gets 2 birthday parties this year. That's the only solution. Invite your family and DSs friends to a party at your house.

Don't go to your Exs girlfriend's house. WTF?!!

How old is your kid?

I would send an invite soon.

My kid is turning 7.

That is REALLY crappy.

Send out invites.

To one or two moms you know, apologize for the double invite and let them know (discretely, lol) that you had this party planned but your husband and his new girlfriend went behind your back and planned this party at the girlfriend's house with her extended family. Let them know when you touched base with your husband to finalize the plans (since you usually are the one to plan the parties and your husband never has had a role in it and just shows up) he told you about this one. Tell them you understand if they cannot make it to the originally planned party.

I guarantee that they will get the word out and her real bday party will be well attended by her friends.

I wpuld not attend the girlfriend's party under these circumstances an probably most of her ftiends woukd not either. Sisters before bitches.

Changed my mind.

Tell them you did not findout that he and his NEW girlfriend planned this party until you started to get calls from people who were confused by the location.

Have two parties. It will be fine. Really and truly.

I would feel REALLY uncomfortable going to the husband/girlfriend's party, especially since you are not divorced. I would rsvp no to that one, whether or not you throw another party. I do not think I would be the only one. Most women, especially married women, woukd feel the same way and I think many of them would not go. That is just too weird and manipulative for most people's tastes.

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband has a really crappy ex-wife. I would have no issue going to two parties or just yours knowing the situation. If you want a party for your child, do it. Otherwise, do a sleep over and put in the custody agreement that you each host a party every other year and the other parent is invited. If the parent chooses not to do a party that year, original agreement stays but the other parent can do a party that year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the flip side, all of the single moms I know plan the entire birthday party themselves and don't let the ex husbands attend. So at least you don't have to plan the party.

Do you have holidays scheduled out? Make sure you're getting half the holidays so you don't miss out on Christmas. And plan these things further out next time.

Well, this wasn't going to be me as I was the one who reached out to my ex to discuss what WE should do for the birthday party. I was happy to work together despite the fact he is suing me for sole custody (!!!!).

Its probably the jealous girlfriend driving the sole custody. If he has had that many girlfriends, he doesn't want sole custody except to pay no child support or to get child support as if he cheats on you with her, he will cheat on her with someone else and a child will get in his way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--my kid really wants to have a sleep over. Instead, I am invited a handful of kids for a "sleep under". This was a totally awful move done by the girlfriend who knows we are in a highly contentious divorce/custody. She was even the one who drove around hand delivering the invites.

What a bitch.

Invite whoever your kid wants. No presents. Do cake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the flip side, all of the single moms I know plan the entire birthday party themselves and don't let the ex husbands attend. So at least you don't have to plan the party.

Do you have holidays scheduled out? Make sure you're getting half the holidays so you don't miss out on Christmas. And plan these things further out next time.

Well, this wasn't going to be me as I was the one who reached out to my ex to discuss what WE should do for the birthday party. I was happy to work together despite the fact he is suing me for sole custody (!!!!).

Its probably the jealous girlfriend driving the sole custody. If he has had that many girlfriends, he doesn't want sole custody except to pay no child support or to get child support as if he cheats on you with her, he will cheat on her with someone else and a child will get in his way.

It is because he wants to get paid child support. Already, he delegates a ton of child caring duty to her and others. He barely spends time with the girls.

[Anonymous]

OP, this woman is enjoying the drama. Do not give her any drama. Do not feed the troll. Grey rock. You are grey rock.

https://lovefraud.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

[Anonymous]

I am so mad for you OP. What a shitty Ex and GF. Kids are smart and will pick up on how shitty this is. Have an awesome sleepover for your kid and be super positive. Skip the girlfriend's party if you can but go if your son wants. The passive agressive side of me would want to go and keep referring to you soon to be ex as "my husband."