"No Birthday Gifts, Please": What Un-American BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ah, I don't think its rude. I thought we were trying to save other people money, avoid spoiling our kid and cluttering up our house. Funny people take it the wrong way. Guess you cannot please everyone.

True, we live in changing times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.

I agree. The host should not mention it, and takes care of the "unwanted" gifts quietly.

Then people have wasted good time and $$ on gifts. That seems a bit disengenuous to me. "Please come and give my child a gift! (Shhh, it's really going into the donate pile.)"

Better than "your gift is not good enough for us" air.

I think that says more about you, than it does about the host, if that's the message you are taking away from it. Try not to take everything so personally. Like a PP said, we're just "trying to save other people money, avoid spoiling our kid and cluttering up our house. Funny people take it the wrong way. Guess you cannot please everyone."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.

I agree. The host should not mention it, and takes care of the "unwanted" gifts quietly.

Then people have wasted good time and $$ on gifts. That seems a bit disengenuous to me. "Please come and give my child a gift! (Shhh, it's really going into the donate pile.)"

Better than "your gift is not good enough for us" air.

I think that says more about you, than it does about the host, if that's the message you are taking away from it. Try not to take everything so personally. Like a PP said, we're just "trying to save other people money, avoid spoiling our kid and cluttering up our house. Funny people take it the wrong way. Guess you cannot please everyone."

I do agree with your PP (not you), but some of the previous posts were snotty. You take care of your little/big house, de-clutter it in ways you deem fit. Nobody else cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I don't want more stuff in my house so I am a big proponent of the no-gift party. However, I don't believe in making my kid's birthday party yet ANOTHER obligation to bring something, make something, do something for my fellow moms. So there will be no book swaps, canned good drives, clothing donations at our parties. There will be friends and fun and cake. Maybe a goody bag filled with candy, that's right, I said it...C-A-N-D-Y!!

PP, I love you. Can we be friends?

My child will reach an age when her parties will be smaller, the kids will actually know her, and the gifts will be appreciated for their thoughtfulness as much as their existence. Anywhere under 6 years old is just overwhelming and contributes to the child being spoiled. I would rather invite her whole class so as not exclude anyone and not obligate families of varying means to bring my kid a gift. It's about the celebration not the accumulation of stuff (which 30 seconds after she gets it, she can't find because she has too much stuff).

I am sorry to deprive OP of the opportunity for OP to buy my 3 or 4 y.o. a gift. It's not your kid buying the gift or even picking it out. It's you. You can get your jollies instead by buying that gift for a child who needs it, but then again, you'll still be deprived of watching the wrapping paper being pulled off, which is about what you are missing, not what the child is missing.

[Anonymous]

I really feel like birthday party gifts are outdated - a relic of past times when kids didn't have a million things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really feel like birthday party gifts are outdated - a relic of past times when kids didn't have a million things.

I hear ya.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I don't want more stuff in my house so I am a big proponent of the no-gift party. However, I don't believe in making my kid's birthday party yet ANOTHER obligation to bring something, make something, do something for my fellow moms. So there will be no book swaps, canned good drives, clothing donations at our parties. There will be friends and fun and cake. Maybe a goody bag filled with candy, that's right, I said it...C-A-N-D-Y!!

+1.

Please don't use precious time you could be spending elsewhere buying my kid a gift. We have four overeager grandparents and lots of really generous aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles, godparents etc. doing that.

The bday party is really an excuse to invite people over to hang out, eat good food, and celebrate.

Amen.

Same here. I don't care if Miss Manners currently thinks it's rude (she also doesn't like gift registries) but times have changed. It used to be that you can go to a birthday party with no gift. The point of the party was to have fun and celebrate. Now, gifts are not only expected, people bitch when they feel guests haven't spent enough on a gift. Like PPs, we had limited money growing up and I'm very conscious of people feelign they can't attend because they don't have a gift. I don't want their gift, I want their presence. If it makes me rude to stipulate 'no gifts', so be it. At least I have made some people feel very welcome and that outweighs the slight the affluent feel by not being able to buy my kid a gift.

BTW - I also don't write thank you notes. I'll thank you in person and that's enough. If you don't want to attend our party because you can't buy a gift, fine. If you don't bring a gift because you don't ever get thank you notes, even better. your absence is no loss.

[Anonymous]

Question for those of you who don't mind saying "No Gifts Please" because you don't want gifts cluttering your house. How do you feel when you get a wedding invitation that says "No Boxed Gifts" (i.e., we only want money, because boxed gifts will clutter our house).?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for those of you who don't mind saying "No Gifts Please" because you don't want gifts cluttering your house. How do you feel when you get a wedding invitation that says "No Boxed Gifts" (i.e., we only want money, because boxed gifts will clutter our house).?

I don't know. Have never received a wedding invitation that said, "No boxed gifts."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those of you who don't mind saying "No Gifts Please" because you don't want gifts cluttering your house. How do you feel when you get a wedding invitation that says "No Boxed Gifts" (i.e., we only want money, because boxed gifts will clutter our house).?

I don't know. Have never received a wedding invitation that said, "No boxed gifts."

Me neither.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those of you who don't mind saying "No Gifts Please" because you don't want gifts cluttering your house. How do you feel when you get a wedding invitation that says "No Boxed Gifts" (i.e., we only want money, because boxed gifts will clutter our house).?

I don't know. Have never received a wedding invitation that said, "No boxed gifts."

Me neither.

I've never heard of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those of you who don't mind saying "No Gifts Please" because you don't want gifts cluttering your house. How do you feel when you get a wedding invitation that says "No Boxed Gifts" (i.e., we only want money, because boxed gifts will clutter our house).?

I don't know. Have never received a wedding invitation that said, "No boxed gifts."

Me neither.

I've never heard of this.

I guess principle are for kids, adults can indulge themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those of you who don't mind saying "No Gifts Please" because you don't want gifts cluttering your house. How do you feel when you get a wedding invitation that says "No Boxed Gifts" (i.e., we only want money, because boxed gifts will clutter our house).?

I don't know. Have never received a wedding invitation that said, "No boxed gifts."

Me neither.

I've never heard of this.

I guess principle are for kids, adults can indulge themselves.

I don't know what you are talking about. Try some subject-verb agreement and then try again.

[Anonymous]

How is "no gifts" equivalent to "no boxed gifts"? It's not. No gifts means "Come, enjoy the party." No boxed gift means "I'm shaking you down for cash. and it better be enough to cover the cost of having you at the party."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone wants to go out of their way to get my son a gift, that's fine. We put "no gifts" on the invite so that people don't feel that they have to get a gift in order to come, not to prevent people who want to get a gift from bringing one if they feel like it.

OK, this, THIS is why I despise "no gifts" on a child's birthday invited. So you put "no gifts" so people don't feel like they have to bring one, but are not opposed to people bringing them if they feel like it. What your mindset ends up creating is stress for the parent of the child who has been invited as we grapple with the do we or don't we on the gift front. I don't want to be the only parent who doesn't send their child with a gift if everyone else ignores your request, nor do I want to be the only parent who does send their child with a gift if everyone else abides.

For the record, I'm also of the mindset that my kid doesn't need any more crap. But there's always the option of donating or regifting something your child won't use, or doesn't want. So don't put anything on the invite and let people decide for themselves if they want to bring a gift. Just because it's a birthday invitation without "no gifts" on it does not mean a gift is required. It may be considered proper etiquette, but we all know everyone has their own interpretation anyway.