Age gap or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a guy ask me out summer after 11th grade and he was summer after sophomore year of college. I said yes (didn’t tell my parents how old he was), we made plans, and then he called me the next day and said he was so sorry but his buddy told me I was still in high school and that didn’t seem right. I was sad at the time but have always thought that was pretty cool looking back on it. I wouldn’t love it but I’m not sure how to handle. My kids are a bit younger.

The summer I was 16 I had a huge crush on a guy who was about to turn 19. I was on a trip so it was a fling. We ended up fooling around but it wasn’t sex. When he walked me back to my dorm I told him basically “sorry, I’m sure you expected more but I’m not ready” and he said “I hope that’s the last time in your life you apologize for not crossing the boundaries you’re comfortable with.” I remain surprised an 18 yr old guy gave me that advice!

When I was in college at the end of my freshman year I started dating another freshman. I was 19 and he was 17. We’ve been together over 25 years now.

[Anonymous]

No. They are not in the same place in their lives. Do you really want this guy taking your high school DD back to his place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started college at 17 too, so she's not too young to date college aged guys. It's about the person, not the age.

I agree. It gets a little more complicated that she’s a high school student living at home and he’s in college but the age difference wouldn’t bother me. I started college at 17 and met a college senior who I dated for a year. We broke up during my sophomore year of college, when he was in grad school. The age difference wasn’t the reason.

[Anonymous]

I doubt a 20 year old boy is one bit more mature than your daughter but a college kid is going to have a different set of sexual expectations than you're HS age daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If the grades don't touch, neither should they

That is so stupid

DP. This is what my 14 year old says. It's okay to date "shoulder grades", but not above or below that. According to her, it's not just about the age and maturity, but also about where the kids are in their life. She has been asked out by HS kids, and once they find out she's a middle schooler, they apologize and move on.

You need to investigate how your daughter is getting in these situations or highschoolers feel comfortable, asking her out, without knowing that she is a middle schooler, such as if was a friend sibling. They would know she’s a middle schooler. Is she being picked up at the mall?

Yup. Mall, basketball game, football game, etc. when she's with friends.

So she’s the age of a freshman, going to high school games, i can see why guys are confused.

[Anonymous]

I went to college at 17 and had a fake idea, went out with men in their late 20s and beyond... Granted different maturity levels. I don't think the age gap is a problem per se, more about match in maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. If she were a 17 year old senior I must feel differently. She's a17 year old junior she doesn't need college friends or a 20 year old boyfriend.

She told you about it she wants an easy out

This. If she really wants to get a coffee with him I think that’s fine but she doesn’t need college friends nor does she need to date someone in college. When she is a freshman in college he will be a senior and they will both be over 18. Lots of reasons to say no to this. The power imbalance is what bothers me though. There is an imbalance and that’s not a good recipe for starting a relationship. Also, what if something happens and it’s uncomfortable for them to be in class together? The more I think about it the more the only answer is no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom, you've made this way harder on yourself by setting-up this scenario. Since here you are, I think all you can hope for is adherence to this rule: she's 17. He dates her as if he were 17 too. The youngest age and rules for that age determines it. Curfew, locations. Ideally, time spent at your house. With the family, ideally.

Good luck. Many of us would be in college at 18, so not much older but our parents didn't have to witness this. She's a junior? You redshirted her?

Another anti red shirter who can't seem to math. My on-time January child will be 17 for half their junior year.

Exactly, my on time December kid is in the same spot...