Anyone else struggle with the veneer of professionalism?

[Anonymous]

I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to know what PPs feel they can't be candid about.
My experience is that when people say they can't be as candid as they'd like, the things they wish they could say are pretty inappropriate. If being your authentic self means being rude, ageist, dismissive of others, etc., or talking national politics at work, please continue to keep the quiet parts quiet.

I'm an executive. I can't be candid about the fact that my peers have very poor management skills. They all became executives because they were outstanding individual contributors. Low communication and dispute resolution skills. Why would I be candid? I can't fix them or the management structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to know what PPs feel they can't be candid about.
My experience is that when people say they can't be as candid as they'd like, the things they wish they could say are pretty inappropriate. If being your authentic self means being rude, ageist, dismissive of others, etc., or talking national politics at work, please continue to keep the quiet parts quiet.

I'm an executive. I can't be candid about the fact that my peers have very poor management skills. They all became executives because they were outstanding individual contributors. Low communication and dispute resolution skills. Why would I be candid? I can't fix them or the management structure.

And the inability to say that makes you feel so "inauthentic" you want to quit your job? Because OP is saying the inability to express [something] is basically career ending. I can't imagine caring that much about my peers' weaknesses.

(You could, by the way, try to get management skills added to both the hiring quals and the mandatory coaching execs get.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate completely, OP!!

To help people understand-for me the problem is having to actively participate in validating an alternate reality that I know is false, but I cannot say it’s false and keep my job. Like having to pretend to believe things that any idiot could know are false. It rots my soul and makes me feel like a bad person.

op - yesssss.

I'll give some more examples: at my work, barely anyone makes small talk ever or laughs or shares something funny or personal that happened to them (not in a forced way, just like human connection. All talk time is used for business but if you are on 7 hours of calls a day I start to sort of unravel - I need to like, feel like a human being for a second.
I could give more examples, but that's a huge one.

Have you never had a real job, like a busy retail job where you have to work with people from all walks of life and have a constant stream of customers? Or a demanding technical or manual job where actual productive work is required for 7 hours?

7 hours, that’s not even the full day? You want to treat your job like a hobby, where you can hang with friends and “unravel”? Let your DH be the breadwinner and you get a hobby job like a photo studio.

op -
1. 7 hours is just the time I spend on zoom. My typical workday is 9-10h all in.
2. Yes I've worked in retail, waited tables at restaurants and bars, done a year of overnight shifts, 4.30a-1230p shifts (sometimes in tandem) and done months at a clip where I had no days off (including weekends. I had no days off, for example, from Nov 8 to December 17 last year (including thanksgiving) bc we had a huge pitch and it was not going well. So.... yeah.
3. I don't care about hard work. But if I'm working hard I can't also then keep up a facade.

This sounds like regular burnout. Stop dressing it up as a culture issue and take a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

I relate to this. The agency directors I’ve worked for are bland, measured and seem to have one set of emotions—not too happy, just pleasant, never angry, sad, or even overly concerned. Very blah, talk in cliches. I promoted up but realized I could never get to their level because I didn’t want to learn this skill, if it’s a skill, or I just don’t have the innate personality for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

I relate to this. The agency directors I’ve worked for are bland, measured and seem to have one set of emotions—not too happy, just pleasant, never angry, sad, or even overly concerned. Very blah, talk in cliches. I promoted up but realized I could never get to their level because I didn’t want to learn this skill, if it’s a skill, or I just don’t have the innate personality for this.

1000% this. Because it isn’t a personality. It’s being a robot. Maybe some people can be that or fake being that but it’s a huge effort to essentially act like much of your innate humanity has been left in the office lobby. Where does it end? Are any emotions professional? How do you know which ones?

[Anonymous]

What’s an agency director? Is that a Club Fed thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to know what PPs feel they can't be candid about.
My experience is that when people say they can't be as candid as they'd like, the things they wish they could say are pretty inappropriate. If being your authentic self means being rude, ageist, dismissive of others, etc., or talking national politics at work, please continue to keep the quiet parts quiet.

I'm an executive. I can't be candid about the fact that my peers have very poor management skills. They all became executives because they were outstanding individual contributors. Low communication and dispute resolution skills. Why would I be candid? I can't fix them or the management structure.

And the inability to say that makes you feel so "inauthentic" you want to quit your job? Because OP is saying the inability to express [something] is basically career ending. I can't imagine caring that much about my peers' weaknesses.

(You could, by the way, try to get management skills added to both the hiring quals and the mandatory coaching execs get.)

NP. Because OP is a millennial navel gazer who cannot get past her ideologies. She probably posts on TikTok about how unfair and unmanageable the workplace is.

[Anonymous]

The act is part of the work. There is no perfect path. That said, it sounds like you’re on the verge of a breakdown - can you take a leave of absence?

[Anonymous]

I honestly couldn’t care less about this stuff. I’ll be honest to my boss and others, while being constructive. No point in being fake. You only got one life dude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

I relate to this. The agency directors I’ve worked for are bland, measured and seem to have one set of emotions—not too happy, just pleasant, never angry, sad, or even overly concerned. Very blah, talk in cliches. I promoted up but realized I could never get to their level because I didn’t want to learn this skill, if it’s a skill, or I just don’t have the innate personality for this.

It’s a skill called professionalism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

I relate to this. The agency directors I’ve worked for are bland, measured and seem to have one set of emotions—not too happy, just pleasant, never angry, sad, or even overly concerned. Very blah, talk in cliches. I promoted up but realized I could never get to their level because I didn’t want to learn this skill, if it’s a skill, or I just don’t have the innate personality for this.

It’s a skill called professionalism.

That’s actually not the definition of professionalism at all and this misapprehension is part of the issue

[Anonymous]

I don’t know I can’t relate. I act professional because it makes it easier for the company to acheive goals when I act like that and I get paid well based on achieving those goals.


I’ll save my pity for people who have to pretend to be cheerful while serving French fries 2,000 times a day for like $12 an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s an agency director? Is that a Club Fed thing?

PP, not federal, but government. The head of a department. I worked for a few, their deputies, and knew some of their peers from other agencies. A lot of them had MPA degrees, so I guess they planned specifically to be in government administration. I got near their level and wondered if I would have learned their way of dampening their personalities from this degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in govt and I’ve found that the people who are most politic/want to get ahead do adopt a very bizarre corporate persona. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stayed at my lowish level, although certainly not the only or most important reason. It’s like they couch everything in the same faux niceties and adopt the same ways of addressing people (as folks or y’all). So many words to say one thing. I usually just respond in normal speak when I’m addressed this way.

Nothing wrong with folks and y'all. I sat those and I'm a nasty curmudgeon at the bottom of the ladder.