What is the hardest part of being a single mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was trying to tell my friend that being a single mom is NOT a good idea! I know because I am one lol.

For me is mostly financially challenging, and she has money so she doesn't feel that resonates.

I think also though if you don't have a partner to help with the balance (yin/yang energies) you feel depleted energetically trying for multiple roles, all on your own.

I think women who 'choose' to be a single mother have no idea what they're getting into, but clearly I am biased.

What do you think?

I wish I were a single mother by choice vs marrying an abuser and then divorcing from/now "co-parenting" with an abuser. It is incredibly difficult and demoralizing to be a single mother in my situation (I know I'm not the only one). If I were a single mom without a counter-parenting horrible abuser in the mix, it would be *infinitely easier and more peaceful*. That would be my dream. A life of happiness and peace with my child, just the two of us. For me, any financial challenges absolutely pale in comparison to dealing with an abusive ex/other parent.

PP, I'm sorry. There are many of us in your situation. The financial challenges are nothing compared to dealing with an abusive ex, who, in my case, uses parenting time as leverage to make my life as horrible as possible. The years are passing by, and his influence on my and our child's life is diminishing. We go through periods where he disappears, which are the happiest times and a glimpse at a better future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:80% of being a parent is logistics/cleaning/discipline - not the stuff you dream of when having a baby.
so, doing all the logistics/cleaning/discipline on your own becomes overwhelming and you then feel like you do nothing but work and kid tasks.

I'm recently separated, with schoolage kids and feel a bit like I'm drowning without help. I need to revert to getting a full-time nanny/house manager again.

How do you not have help when you say you are separated. That means there is another parent.

He left for his mistress. Has only seen kids 5 nights in last 4 months.
I have a new appreciation for single moms and doing it all in your own.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a single mom. I definitely preferred that over having to live with my dad around. Sometimes one parent is better than two if the second causes abuse and stress.

[Anonymous]

I’m at the tail end of child rearing- I have an only and he’s graduating high school soon. His dad has not been in the picture at all since DS was 18 months. Effectively, I don’t know what it’s like to parent with a partner or spouse because even when we lived together, it was pretty much all on me, and it was actually a relief to be living on my own after he moved out because there were no expectations of having another adult around to help then being disappointed and resentful.

I am not wealthy but I always got a few hours of childcare a week when he was young so I would have time to myself. My father has been helpful to some extent, but does not live close by. There was always an underlying stress of everything coming down on me- the sole breadwinner and provider, disciplinarian and nurturer, and so forth. But I can say that now that DS is almost a young adult, he has a lot of respect for me and for women in general, and I think he has turned out to be a great human being, so it has been worth it. I wouldn’t trade him or the experience for the world.

The hardest thing now is not having anyone to share DS’ accomplishments with, and to some extent it has been lonely to be the only parent on the sideline or in the audience, but overall it has been easier in some ways to be the sole decision maker, so there’s a trade off.

[Anonymous]

For me, it's money, but beyond that, it's always having to be "on" and never having anyone to share the mental load or decision making. It can be hard to turn off the mom thing to be a fun friend or a sexy date. And sometimes you feel like you don't fit anywhere, between your married friends with kids and your single child-free friends. There's this disconnect.

[Anonymous]

What do you do if you are sick. How about really sick. How about hospital sick?

If you have two kids, and kid #2 has croup at 2 am, you have to wake up kid #1 to also go to the ER with you.

You can't go anywhere alone, not for a prescription, not for a gallon of milk, unless you've arranged for a sitter.

My ex was mostly useless but sometimes I just needed a warm body in the house. Once I was single I didn't even have that.

Still glad I divorced him though.

[Anonymous]

SMbC here. I think my life has been fairly easy with my child (11). I know some SMCs with 2 kids but they have a lot more money than I do.

I'm a teacher and I feel I get a lot of support from my coworkers. It's wonderful not to have a spouse that fights me or disagrees with a derision I make.

My child and I have always lived in a large studio apartment. DD loves to decorate the various spaces we have set up. We watch videos together on small-space living.

If something is "hard' it's a situation like "do not bring a child to a doc appmt" -- but I do anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Studies have been done on this topic and all report that children living with both biological parents report a higher levels of life satisfaction than those in single parent homes. One of these studies was conducted in 36 industrialized countries.

I would be interested in reading these studies. I’m assuming the only difference was having a second parent in the home. Income levels were the same, ability to do activities were the same, no one had a sibling with SN or grandparents that needed care.

It's a different experience, double the adult attention. I feel like every child deserves 2 parents. But that's just me...

Why do you think 2 parents means kids have a relationship with both parents? My parents were married and my dad was never home. I am divorced and my kids have a relationship with their dad because of the divorce. When we were married, he did nothing but hide in his room while I did everything. You assume too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Studies have been done on this topic and all report that children living with both biological parents report a higher levels of life satisfaction than those in single parent homes. One of these studies was conducted in 36 industrialized countries.

I would be interested in reading these studies. I’m assuming the only difference was having a second parent in the home. Income levels were the same, ability to do activities were the same, no one had a sibling with SN or grandparents that needed care.

It's a different experience, double the adult attention. I feel like every child deserves 2 parents. But that's just me...

Why do you think 2 parents means kids have a relationship with both parents? My parents were married and my dad was never home. I am divorced and my kids have a relationship with their dad because of the divorce. When we were married, he did nothing but hide in his room while I did everything. You assume too much.

You chose poorly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Studies have been done on this topic and all report that children living with both biological parents report a higher levels of life satisfaction than those in single parent homes. One of these studies was conducted in 36 industrialized countries.

I would be interested in reading these studies. I’m assuming the only difference was having a second parent in the home. Income levels were the same, ability to do activities were the same, no one had a sibling with SN or grandparents that needed care.

It's a different experience, double the adult attention. I feel like every child deserves 2 parents. But that's just me...

Why do you think 2 parents means kids have a relationship with both parents? My parents were married and my dad was never home. I am divorced and my kids have a relationship with their dad because of the divorce. When we were married, he did nothing but hide in his room while I did everything. You assume too much.

You chose poorly.

There is no way of knowing how someone will be a parent in advance. Also, he forced a pregnancy. We had agreed no kids. Btw, this is a man with a professional degree. Emotional abusers and liars don’t reveal themselves until after they are married.

[Anonymous]

Single Mom by choice here and even though I love my kid I miss my old life. It's expensive and he is exhausting. He's cries and whines more than most toddlers I've come across. Praying this stage ends soon.

[Anonymous]

I've been a SMBC for 13 years. It has generally been fine. It helps that I only have one reasonably healthy child. The decent job with regular hours and adequate salary helps too.

This isn't too surprising, according to network theory. A family of two will always have fewer logistical difficulties than a family of four. The most difficult thing is the lack of emergency backup. Again, the adequate salary and sick leave generally give me the time and cash to solve those sorts of problems.

I don't put too much stock in the ideal of the perfect, two parent family. I grew up in the 70s, when people still had kids out of a sense of obligation. I knew so many kids in UMC homes with terrible parents. Parenting ability is way more important than structure.

[Anonymous]

SMC of twins here - it was tough in many ways: financially, logistics, and as one poster wrote, it was very lonely. Most kids had both parents at school/sports events, and many times I felt like such an outsider, so different. Also, couples will many times not include a single mom. Also, feel bad for my kids for not having a Dad figure. One of my kids made up a story in 1st or 2nd grade that the Dad passed away.... but I had live-in nannies till kids were 5 years old and then I had occasional babysitters. Now they are 12 and it is much easier in many ways.

[Anonymous]

Don’t try to convince her.

The worst part is when you really need to be two places at once. There is no fall back option.

[Anonymous]

I am an SMC and my daughter is now in college. i didn't find any real negatives because I planned and saved for so long. Most of my old friends and new friends were intrigued and I never felt lonely. The"alone times" -- I was grateful for that! Oh the luxury of a 60-minute nap