My husband's drinking worries me
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Anonymous
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He can go for days or weeks without drinking at all, but then goes through weeks at a time in which he has 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 big glasses of wine each night, usually alone while watching TV or playing video games. He says drinking relaxes him and he just enjoys it. At times the drinking makes him more aggressive and loud and prone to picking fights with me, but not always; sometimes it just makes him sleepy or silly.
I have told him that his drinking worries me and he gets very defensive and accuses me of "always trying to create problems that don't exist." I honestly don't know if I am making a big deal out of nothing, or worrying legitimately. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| Well, binge drinking is problematic, yes. |
Anonymous
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Hard to say if it is the beginning of a bigger problem or not.
I would explain to him how the drinking affects you and your family. Let him know that you see behavior changes. As a recovering alcoholic, I can say that nagging about it usually does not help. If you are really concerned, try attending a couple of Al-anon meetings. That is probably the most helpful advice you will find. |
Anonymous
You've got 2 issues - his drinking and a grown man playing video games. |
Anonymous
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5-6 big glasses of wine + video games + defensiveness.
And you're wondering if there is problem? Wake up. You know the answer. Get to a therapist and Al-Anon for yourself so you can figure out why you're putting up with this and how you can make a plan to address it. |
Anonymous
+1 OP, you're not going to get your husband to agree with you that he has a problem but you can do things to help yourself decide whether he has a problem. Attending Al-Anon is a good step. They say to try 6 meetings before deciding whether it works for you. Also different meetings can have different "flavors" to them depending on the community where you attend so try several different meetings. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| If you have kids you better believe it's a problem. Does he buy the liquor or do you ? |
Anonymous
| Definitely don't address it when he's on one of his binges or hungover after one. |
Anonymous
| Idiots on this board. Playing video games as a man, or woman, is not an issue. Now back to the actual problem OP. The drinking alone and six at night, is an issue. Is he stressed at work? Are you two intimate at all? Have children? |
Anonymous
| Frank Underwood plays violent video games and he's now PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. |
Anonymous
| I don't have an issue with having a glass or two of wine alone, while watching TV. But 3 on a regular basis is a lot, and more than that is definitely excessive. The aggression is unquestionably a problem. |
Anonymous
| I have zero problem with three glasses of wine, even on a fairly regular basis. But there's a big difference between 3 and 6 (6 is more than a bottle). It's hard to say from this post whether he has a problem or not. |
Anonymous
I agree. My spouse and I routinely have 3 glasses of wine, or three beers. Almost every day. The red flag here is the apparent personality change, specifically "aggression." When drinking (no matter how much it is) is causing people to behave differently than they normally would then I'd start to suspect a problem. |
Anonymous
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He is probably drinking even when you think he is not. Or if he isn't, he is counting down until he can drink again - it's called a "dry drunk".
There is nothing YOU can do for him. You have to take care of yourself. Agree with other PPs, Al-Anon. You will hear your story over and over there. |
Anonymous
| If you are a woman drinking 3 glasses of wine a day, you are definitely a very heavy drinker/functional alcoholic, PP. |