Am I being unreasonable? Neighbor complaints about noise - sorry long

[Anonymous]

We just extended our lease so we will be here for at least one more year. We live in a 3 level townhome that shares one full wall with the neighbor. According to the landlord our homes are mirrored so we share a garage wall opposed to the garage door, the kids's bedroom wall (a mirror and an expedit 5x1 are against this wall) and our living room wall where a huge bookshelf (expedit 5x5).

The neighbor banged on the wall 3 or 4 times early on when we moved. It was during day time between 11am and 4pm. I baked cookies and went there to apologize and try to figure out if they slept during the day so I could put an extra effort on keeping the kids silent so they could sleep. The neighbor once locked the door when I knocked and the second time turned the porch light off when I rang the bell. I took it as a sign of them not wanting to talk so I left at it.

My kids are 2 and 5, they're not allowed to play ball in the house but they run and yell. We sing and dance together and they love to slide down the stairs on cardboard boxes.
Anyway, today we were having a play date and the other child is a screamer. Mom is working hard on teaching him inside voice but the guy likes to yell from the top of his lungs. As our friends are walking out neighbor walks up our driveway and starts complimenting our garden.

I sent the kids into the mud room and she started asking if we could keep our noise down. I apologized and said I didn't know what she meant since they're up at 7 and down by 8pm so she must be hearing noises from another neighbor. She smiled and said she meant noise during the day. I told her that I was sorry if we woke her up and asked what she does for a living she said she's a lawyer and will be working from home for the next 2 months and needs silence during the day.

I wanted to burst in laughter. I seriously thought she was a nurse, ER doctor, paramedic, police officer, firefighter or someone who needs sleep during the day to work overnight but no, she's a lawyer

I told her I was sorry but there was very little I could do at this point. I invited her in to see our set up isolating the walls, I offered to show her all our pictures hanging on walls we don't share because I didn't want to disturb her banging on walls. I mentioned I tried going there a few times to apologize but she chose to turn the lights off and locking the door instead. She blushed. I told her I made my best to build a relationship but she chose to bang on walls instead. I mentioned it was the first day of summer and the kids will be home being kids for the next 12 weeks and told her I will not keep them from playing in their own home during the day. I also told her we lived in apartments for 12 years and we never got a complaint from other neighbors. Everyday reasonable noises are not grounds for complaints. And honestly if she was under us I'd not allow running, etc but she's besides us. It can't be that bad. She does laundry around 10-11PM every other night and the windows in our kids' bedroom shakes to the point it wakes them up and I don't complain.

She started getting altered and raised her voice saying she'd call the authorities if the kids disturbed her once again. I told her to go ahead and call and get laughed at because police won't come to a family's home because small children are giggling while splashing in a kiddy pool. She turned around and left. I went back inside.

DH is scared she'll do something crazy. I'm annoyed.

Did I make a mistake being confrontational? What would you have done?

[Anonymous]

Nope, doesn't sound unreasonable at all. Good for you for calling her out when she didn't answer the door.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. If she wants to work during the day she can go to the library or a coffee shop like normal people who work "from home" do. You are within your rights.

[Anonymous]

In short -- she came over and asked if you could keep it quieter, and you said

1. No.
2. You're unneighborly.
3. Deal with it.
4. You're loud, too.
5. Go ahead and call the police.

Yes?

[Anonymous]

Be prepared to get a letter from the homeowner's association....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In short -- she came over and asked if you could keep it quieter, and you said

1. No.
2. You're unneighborly.
3. Deal with it.
4. You're loud, too.
5. Go ahead and call the police.

Yes?

Yup.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Well done OP- you kept your cool. You are completely correct.

Imagine, a lawyer acting superior and entitled. Whoda thunk?

She does sound a bit unstable. Locking doors and banging on walls.

Document her threats and actions, please. She might start making shit up about you.

My advice is to now ignore her COMPLETELY. Dont greet, dont engage, ignore ignore. She has threatened you are done with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. If she wants to work during the day she can go to the library or a coffee shop like normal people who work "from home" do. You are within your rights.

Normal people with real jobs don't work from coffee shops. THat's for students and quasi-employed "writers" and bloggers.

[Anonymous]

She's unreasonable. If she needed to sleep during the day because she worked nights, that would be one thing, but it's not reasonable to ask someone not to make noise during the day so you can work at home. They have a right to enjoy their home just as much as you do. And she really was wrong to bang on the walls and then refuse to talk to you when you came over. On the one hand, I would still try to keep the kids from making excessive noise inside--no shrieking or screaming, no banging on the walls, etc.--but her request for "silence" so she can work is not reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just extended our lease so we will be here for at least one more year. We live in a 3 level townhome that shares one full wall with the neighbor. According to the landlord our homes are mirrored so we share a garage wall opposed to the garage door, the kids's bedroom wall (a mirror and an expedit 5x1 are against this wall) and our living room wall where a huge bookshelf (expedit 5x5).

The neighbor banged on the wall 3 or 4 times early on when we moved. It was during day time between 11am and 4pm. I baked cookies and went there to apologize and try to figure out if they slept during the day so I could put an extra effort on keeping the kids silent so they could sleep. The neighbor once locked the door when I knocked and the second time turned the porch light off when I rang the bell. I took it as a sign of them not wanting to talk so I left at it.

My kids are 2 and 5, they're not allowed to play ball in the house but they run and yell. We sing and dance together and they love to slide down the stairs on cardboard boxes.
Anyway, today we were having a play date and the other child is a screamer. Mom is working hard on teaching him inside voice but the guy likes to yell from the top of his lungs. As our friends are walking out neighbor walks up our driveway and starts complimenting our garden.

I sent the kids into the mud room and she started asking if we could keep our noise down. I apologized and said I didn't know what she meant since they're up at 7 and down by 8pm so she must be hearing noises from another neighbor. She smiled and said she meant noise during the day. I told her that I was sorry if we woke her up and asked what she does for a living she said she's a lawyer and will be working from home for the next 2 months and needs silence during the day.

I wanted to burst in laughter. I seriously thought she was a nurse, ER doctor, paramedic, police officer, firefighter or someone who needs sleep during the day to work overnight but no, she's a lawyer

I told her I was sorry but there was very little I could do at this point. I invited her in to see our set up isolating the walls, I offered to show her all our pictures hanging on walls we don't share because I didn't want to disturb her banging on walls. I mentioned I tried going there a few times to apologize but she chose to turn the lights off and locking the door instead. She blushed. I told her I made my best to build a relationship but she chose to bang on walls instead. I mentioned it was the first day of summer and the kids will be home being kids for the next 12 weeks and told her I will not keep them from playing in their own home during the day. I also told her we lived in apartments for 12 years and we never got a complaint from other neighbors. Everyday reasonable noises are not grounds for complaints. And honestly if she was under us I'd not allow running, etc but she's besides us. It can't be that bad. She does laundry around 10-11PM every other night and the windows in our kids' bedroom shakes to the point it wakes them up and I don't complain.

She started getting altered and raised her voice saying she'd call the authorities if the kids disturbed her once again. I told her to go ahead and call and get laughed at because police won't come to a family's home because small children are giggling while splashing in a kiddy pool. She turned around and left. I went back inside.

DH is scared she'll do something crazy. I'm annoyed.

Did I make a mistake being confrontational? What would you have done?

I know you want a pat on the back for being so "nice" that you baked cookies to take over, but seriously--how was she supposed to know that you weren't sending your husband over to punch her in the head? A woman living alone is unlikely to open the door without knwoing who it is and why they're knocking.

Also, letting your kids slide down the stairs on cardboard boxes makes me think you're not as quiet and well mannered as you'd like people to believe. I bet you let your kids jump on furniture, too.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think squeaky wheels are destined to become lawyers, so it doesn't surprise me that she's a lawyer. Just like some types become police officers or teachers.

If I were you, I'd bang on the wall and tell her no laundry past 9pm! hah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well done OP- you kept your cool. You are completely correct.

Imagine, a lawyer acting superior and entitled. Whoda thunk?

She does sound a bit unstable. Locking doors and banging on walls.

Document her threats and actions, please. She might start making shit up about you.

My advice is to now ignore her COMPLETELY. Dont greet, dont engage, ignore ignore. She has threatened you are done with her.

+1

Also, show her the home birth in a duplex thread as a hint to what unreasonable can sound like.

[Anonymous]

You both handled it wrong.

She sounds like kind of a jerk, but you need to teach your kids the concept of "inside voices." They shouldn't be yelling in the house except in urgent circumstances.

She can't expect silence during the day but it is reasonable to not want frequent running and yelling.

Take your kids outside more and let them run around and yell in the playground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be prepared to get a letter from the homeowner's association....

OOOOh scare tactics.

She would have to prove this is happening. Good luck to her with that.