are my expectations for private unrealistic
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Anonymous
| This post is especially geared toward those who had children in public and then moved them to private. Our children are in an MCPS elem school in Bethesda. We have not been happy with our children's academic experience in the school, in the instance of one child primarily because we think he would benefit from smaller classes and more teacher attention (he is a day dreamer and gets away with not being fully engaged most of the day), and in the other instance because she is smart but does not seek challenges on her own and she easily completes the rote assignments and doesn't get pushed to do anything more. Both kids are bored at school (although happy socially). Over the years we have talked to our kids' teachers and while some have been more responsive than others, the general response we always get is that our kids are "doing fine" and the teacher will cite to the bare minimum benchmark of what level of reading/math a child in that grade should be at, and that our child is way above it, so we have nothing to worry about. I don't want the standard to be just the bare minimum benchmark. I want my kids engaged to their own fullest abilities. I am not looking for an individualized lesson plan because I understand the teacher is teaching a whole class, but surely it is not asking too much for the teacher to get to know each child and to encourage each to his/her own best work. We would consider private in the coming years, but I want to know if my expectations are unrealistic. Do you find your children receive some individual attention, monitoring and feedback from the teachers? Do you find the teachers/admin responsive when you express a concern about the work your child is receiving or how they are progressing? What do you view as the biggest differences between your child's public es and the private school? (my post was prompted in part by responses on another thread where people were saying that extra "specials" are the biggest difference between public and private.) I know I sound like a complete PITA parent but truly I am not - I would never complain frequently to a teacher about why my little snowflake didn't get this or that. I just want my kids to be happy, challenged and inspired by, and engaged in school. It's not happening now. |
Anonymous
| Probably depends on a lot of factors. My kid who is in private gets lots of individual attention, but then there is one teacher for every 4 kids so I pay for that kind of thing. It's not the norm. Also, I think your child's personality will factor in. But, before you jump, have you looked at what MCPS has to offer for HS? There are a lot of opportunities for your kids if you stay. |
Anonymous
| We switched to private for very similar reasons. We have found that it really is all we hoped for and wish we had made the leap sooner. Our ds is in a class of 18 (was in a class of 29 in his last year of public), and the teacher is able to truly differentiate and give him more when he needs it. Another issue we had that was in public, they didn't care how messy his work was or if he did all he could. If it was complete, they just checked the box. In his private school, neatness counts, and if an assignment isn't done neatly and done well, he's expected to do it again. Our teacher conferences are in depth and the feedback we receive shows us that they know him well. They know where they can push him further and where he might need a little extra time. We have absolutely no regrets about switching. |
Anonymous
| This is why we went the private route with our son. My kids sound remarkably similar to yours and yes, they are pushed by their teachers in their privates (St Albans and St Patricks). I feel that the teachers know my kids really really well and are very aware when they are not working up to their capabilities, when they are drifting or day dreaming, when they need a little nurturing support vs. hard nosed pushing. I am always thrilled to see how well their individual teachers truly know them in report card remarks and passing comments. I do think it is directly related to the size of the student body and how much support teachers get from the administration. |
Anonymous
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We moved the other way so our kids could be more challenged in math and science in a public school. We found a lot more opportunities for clubs, particularly STEM ones as well as participation in state and national science fairs, math competitions etc.
At private school, we didn't find anymore individual attention than at public. It is expensive to provide gifted services and differentiation in a small school setting. At public school there can be entire classes of kids accelerated 2 or 3 years above grade level in math. What about magnet school in MD? |
Anonymous
| We moved from private to Bethesda public, but at high school. The private school was quite small (c. 25-35 per grade, too small socially for my kids) but certainly had plenty of personal attention. It was great for my middle of the road kid, not so great for my accelerated competitive kid because with small classes/grades there really isn't much room for differentiation. For what you describe a few years of private school might be a good thing. I'd consider returning to public for high school though. |
Anonymous
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OP, I think your post is very reasonable and your questions very sound. You do not sound like a PITA parent. All of us want the same thing for our kids and it's a shame that many cannot find this in public schools. It is too true that in public schools, teachers have no choice but to teach to the middle, at best, and too many kids fall through the cracks with this mindset.
Having said that, yes, I do think that overall you will be happier with private schools, but do keep in mind that even there, you will find some level of this same situation. Unless you are going to get your kids a private tutor to educate them, even at the best private schools -- there will be some level of group-teach that, at some point, will not fit your specific child. What is different is that in private schools, generally the teachers will know your kids better and more as individuals. They will have more freedom, flexibility and time to work with them on an individual basis and to strive to bring out the best in all of the kids. They will better know their strengths and weaknesses and can at least provide guidance on how to deal with each. Administrators are also generally more responsive to your comments and feedback. It's not a perfect fix and you're wise to question your expectations. Still, if you can swing the cost, overall I do think you will see the improved situation that you are looking for. |
Anonymous
+1. This is right on the money. In our experience, there is also some variation among privates (our kids have been in two). For your purposes, I suggest you look at schools the stress the things you are seeking right now -- schools that stress getting to know each child well, good communication with families, etc. Be upfront about where you think your child is academically so you can also evaluate that fit. Good luck. |
Anonymous
Op this used to drive me crazy at our public school. Since we moved to private we found: 1) overall the work is harder and more in depth, 2) expectations are higher 3) the smaller class size makes it possible for the teacher to know our children's needs and act accordingly, 4) much more in depth understanding of math and Science. 5) no more teaching to the test -- there is prep for the big test like the SAT in the coursework. Overall a much better experience. |
Anonymous
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Op this used to drive me crazy at our public school. Since we moved to private we found: 1) overall the work is harder and more in depth, 2) expectations are higher 3) the smaller class size makes it possible for the teacher to know our children's needs and act accordingly, 4) much more in depth understanding of math and Science. 5) no more teaching to the test -- there is prep for the big test like the SAT in the coursework. Overall a much better experience. Agree with the above. Moved from public to private Big 3 for Upper School. But for the upper school kids the expectation is that the student is self motivated. Teachers are very responsive if student asks for help, but won't reach out if student is just doing OK, and doesn't show interest in improvement. Teachers are not happy to hear from parents at this age. They expect students to advocate for themselves, so don't expect a lot of contact. |
Anonymous
Agree with the above. Moved from public to private Big 3 for Upper School. But for the upper school kids the expectation is that the student is self motivated. Teachers are very responsive if student asks for help, but won't reach out if student is just doing OK, and doesn't show interest in improvement. Teachers are not happy to hear from parents at this age. They expect students to advocate for themselves, so don't expect a lot of contact. I agree with all of the above. The opportunities are there for a good education at both public and private, but if the child is not working up to potential, the private teachers in a smaller school are more likely to notice and attempt to motivate the student. But as the child heads into high school ... either public or private ... it will be very much up to the motivation of the child as to how much benefit s/he gets from the program. And more so at college, obviously. This is why the early years are so crucial and why we chose private for the first 6 years of schooling. The money ran out and we are public now, but we feel that our child is doing well in public in part because of those foundational years in private. |
Anonymous
| My older DD was in MCPS from K on and my younger DD has always been in private, but I am a public school teacher. The major differences that I see are that class sizes are smaller (allowing for more flexibility in how teachers respond to the child who is an outlier) and that there isn't a single big test overshadowing everything. I think I'm a good teacher (at least that what the majority of my parents and students say) but there are things I can't do in a class of 30 that I know would be beneficial to the students at either end of the continuum of abilities and needs. |
Anonymous
| Yours are the classic kids OP...they're not squeaky wheels according to your description and they're not trouble makers. So, they'll never get any special attention in public unless they are the top student in a class or a project. Switch to private. Your kids will be better looked after. |
Anonymous
Can I ask which private you were referring to? |
Anonymous
Agree with the above. Moved from public to private Big 3 for Upper School. But for the upper school kids the expectation is that the student is self motivated. Teachers are very responsive if student asks for help, but won't reach out if student is just doing OK, and doesn't show interest in improvement. Teachers are not happy to hear from parents at this age. They expect students to advocate for themselves, so don't expect a lot of contact. PP above: You are right. The teachers tell me: the student must approach me themselves in HS. But they got very good habits formed. The teachers worked hard on that. |