Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are married. Their money is combined regardless.

unless they don't have a joint bank account, don't have kids together that would necessitate a split of expenses, i don't see how they keep their finances completely separate.

Plenty of millennial DINKs keep their finances separate.

point is that even if you have separate financial accounts, it's not totally separate from the family. If one partner puts 25% of each paycheck towards loan payoff, that means they have 25% less to contribute to the overall family.

This is what I was thinking. If he's going to have to keep making debt payments, that's going to affect her. An obvious example is a house purchase. She may be comfortable with, say, $3k a month of her income going to a mortgage payment. But if he's putting 25% of his income toward debt payments, he may say he can only afford $2k a month instead of $3k. So that's going to mean she'll have to settle for less house. I really don't know how couples can realistically keep finances separate.

Yup. I don't get it. Being a couple (IMO) means you are working together for everything as a couple. Debt means less home/car/vacations/etc. Don't understand how you can say the social worker making $40K has to drive a 10+yo beater car while the doctor making 250K gets a sports car for $70K because they can "afford it". You are not really a couple if everything is separate.

My HHI spouse fully admits that having me be SAHP allowed them to easily focus on work and advance further (and I was making $100K+ 25+ years ago when I became SAHP, so contributing well to the family finances). I was never "given an allowance"---I manage the finances as part of "my being the SAHP". I wouldn't want to be married to someone who used $$$ as control. Once we got married we joined finances and worked towards goals together (including paying off their major debt of over 60K)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re not meddling, our daughter came to us about this. She has a great career, advanced degree, and zero student debt. She met her husband while he was a medical resident, so all of his debt accumulated not just pre-marriage, but before they even met. It’s an eye popping sum I think in part because he attended prestigious private colleges, while she attended public universities our family could afford.

Should she be helping him wipe out such debts?

Muscling your wife to pay off your debts. How romantic.

[Anonymous]

She should not use any premarital assets of hers to pay it off. Keep separate and don’t mingle. But use marital funds and joint income to pay it off as a team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You decide to marry the person as they are, debts and all.Marriage means you are an economic unit. You vowed to take care of that person through thick and thin. And they vowed to take care of you as well. Are you planning to pay for the person's expenses when they are old and need help for medical reasons (if that person has not saved enough in your 50% scheme of paying for household expenses)? Or do you let the person go unattended? Do you plan to have children and make everything 50% when it comes to their activities/education (even if one partner cannot afford to give the 50%)? Do you plan to split all the housework/child care duties exactly 50%? Or will you work as a team to make a home and life for yourselves because you have made a commitment to do that? If you are not ready to give and sacrifice for another person in order to form a family, you are not ready for marriage.

lol. This is what schemers say so they can con their spouse. This isn't $5,000 in credit card debt from undergrad, it's probably closer to $500,000.

+100. People scream about teamwork and sacrifice when they need to scam the other person. If the DH cared about being fair to his wife he wouldn’t ask this.

If this thread was asked in the relationship or family forum pre-wedding about a $400,000 indebted daughter in law to be and a successful and debt free son, 100% of the responses would say don’t marry her or get an airtight prenup.

Lol, are you kidding - DCUM is unfair to women?? This site is largely female, with a disproportionate representation of radical feminists.

Specifically on the issue of prenups, threads here always include some respondents who insist that they would never remarry without one (if they would remarry at all), while acknowledging at the same time that they would have been extremely offended if their ex-husband (from whom they acquired their wealth via a divorce settlement) had requested one before marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should not use any premarital assets of hers to pay it off. Keep separate and don’t mingle. But use marital funds and joint income to pay it off as a team.

+1