20 month old who hardly eats anything- SO picky- advice? HELP.

Anonymous
my 20 month old has never been a good eater- doesn't eat veggies, doesn't eat meat, doesn't like pasta. She loves fruit and yogurt and will eat eggs (both scrambled and hard boiled). Eats pouches, smoothies. She used to eat grilled cheese, and mac and cheese, and PB sandwiches, and a little more variety, but now she is basically refusing everything. She loves guacamole, so recently her diet is basically yogurt and guacamole. I am at a loss, and all the throwing food off the tray and refusing to even taste or try things I've made is driving me nuts. I know it's worse if she get a rise out of me, but it's hard not to lose my patience and temper about it when I spend 5-10 minutes cooking something and it's flat out rejected. I don't even know what to prepare because there's an 80% chance she will refuse to eat anything. HELP?
Anonymous
Do you think that there might be an eating issue? I.e., sensory, swallowing, digestive. Are there other health issues?

Alternatively, if she is growing, healthy, active, happy,and developing on schedule, then keep offering her the food, in very small quantities. And let her feed herself. If she eats it, offer more. If she doesn't eat it (or if she throws it), she's done. She'll eat when she's hungry. If she doesn't eat, assume that she's not hungry.

Plus, really -- fruit, eggs, guacamole, and yogurt sounds like a diet that she could live on and be healthy for years.
Anonymous
I have one great eater and one picky eater (ironically, the more laid back child). I would keep offering a variety of food and not worry about it unless she drops off her growth curve. I keep a stock of food that I know DS2 will usually eat--yogurt, applesauce, olives, cheese, whole grain crackers, cereal, nuts. Then I offer him whatever we're eating (or leftovers) in a small portion, plus a couple of those other items. Sometimes he'll eat a little chicken or pasta or broccoli, sometimes not. But I'll know he isn't starving.
Anonymous
We are right there with you at 20 months, although DD used to eat nearly anything (but fruit) that we put in front of her. Now she will refuse new food on sight. Things she will eat - oatmeal, waffles, pasta, beans (some of the time), pouches, shredded cheese on food, crackers, the now very occasional (maybe 1x/week) green vegetable, rice (some of the time), and pizza with no toppings. So basically carbs, a little bit of cheese, and pureed fruit. I've been saying for weeks that we've got to do something. We eat everything. Major categories of food she rejects include meat, non-pureed fruit, and sweets (happy about that). Outside of eating, she's as tall as they get for her age and easily has 100 words and is starting to use short sentences. I figure this is a phase (pickiness is supposed to peak somewhere around 2), but I'm going to spend this weekend coming up with some new ideas for meals for her. I'm concerned she's not getting her nutrients since she keeps adding foods to her "no eat" list. Nothing but sympathy for the challenges you're facing, OP.
Anonymous
Same problem happened at 20 mo for us - I read how to get your kids to eat but not too much and it helped me completely reframe my thinking. 2 mos later it's a lot better,
Anonymous
OP here: I am aware of the philosophy in those books, like "Child of Mine" etc. that you're supposed to just offer them food, and if they don't eat, they don't eat, they will eat at the next meal if they're hungry. Not to be a short order cook etc. But it's hard for me not to go and get her more food and keep trying new things. PP who said you offer them what you're having, she doesn't really eat with us much. We eat dinner late, after DH gets home, and so we never eat dinner with her. Lunch she eats by herself usually too with the nanny. On weekends we try to eat more with her, and we take her out to eat, but we usually end up bringing pouches and yogurt and crackers etc. to restaurants because we know she won't eat anything. She refuses to eat things that are junky and delicious too- like mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, quesadillas, etc- it's hard to believe. and yes, I am glad the foods she will eat includes TONS and TONS of cut up fruit and guacamole- both are healthy. I worry that she doesn't get much protein except from dairy (she drinks plenty of milk and eats yogurt). And no, no health issues. and no sensory issues because she has gone through phases where she did eat those things - she even ate chicken nuggets and organic hot dogs and turkey breast etc briefly for maybe 2 weeks around 15 months old - there are phases where it's more or less extreme. we are trying to really cut back on snacks so that she goes to meals hungry- eating a whole cup of cheddar bunnies at 330 pm is no longer an option.
Anonymous
Are you eating food with her? My son would eat foods much more readily if we were also eating at the same time. I also tried to make foods fun (broccoli were called trees and we tried to eat all the leaves, we cut bananas or sausages into "wheels" since he was into cars, cut a pancake into the shape of a sailboat, etc.) as well as setting up little challenges (can he get 3 peas/cheerios/whatever onto his spoon?, etc)
Anonymous
PP how do you give nuts at this age? she's not allergic- has had all kinds of peanut butter, almond butter, baked goods with nuts, but do you give straight nuts?
Anonymous
You can also hide veggies for now. Throw some spinach or baby food veggies in her smoothie. Can you try egg salad with hard boiled eggs, shredded chicken, and very small pieces of celery? What about a quiche or frittata?

Maybe try getting her involved. Let her rip up spinach leaves and tomatoes and mix it in guacamole. Have her dump things in the blender for smoothies or veggie purees.

I known it can be frustrating, but remember she's exploring the world at this age and food is part of that.
Anonymous
Also, shredded chicken can be your best friend. Cook it so its flavorless and shred it into teeny tiny pieces and you can hide it all over the place. My 23 month old nanny kid "hates" meat but she doesn't know I sneak it in every meal she eats.
Anonymous
Why cater to the kids preferences so much? Just make a meal for the family and sit down to eat it together. If the kid throws the food, then the meal is over. If they eat, then fine. If not, then also fine. At the next meal they will be hungry and maybe more willing to try something. Or the next meal. By 20 months, there is no reason to be giving purees or any other special "kid" foods. When the kids understand that those items are no longer on the menu and that there will be no special fussing about what they eat or don't' eat, they will manage to eat what they need to grow and thrive.

And people like to say its all ok unless they go off their growth curve. That often seems wrong to me. One of my kids was 95th percentile for weight at birth. I am sure glad he gradually adjusted down in the growth chart curve, since its not the best health for most kids to be at 95th percentile when they're 2 or 3. Kids do normally adjust their position in the chart as they grow, especially in the first year or 2.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:PP how do you give nuts at this age? she's not allergic- has had all kinds of peanut butter, almond butter, baked goods with nuts, but do you give straight nuts?


Not the PP, but we've been giving our kid whole almonds since she was 16 months old, and almonds cut (or bitten) in half for a few months before that. As soon as she had two teeth on top and two teeth on bottom, she's been able to eat the whole almonds. We stay close and watch for choking, but it's never been a problem. You can also give slivered almonds or almond slices, which are better than slivered because they still have the skin on them. Walnuts are softer, but our kid doesn't like them. I assume because of the slight bitter taste. She's also eaten and liked sunflower seeds and pine nuts.
Anonymous
With our 2.5 yo twins, I make meals and always include one or two items that they'll definitely eat. I give them a small portion of what they like. They gobble it up and then ask for more. I tell them that they have to eat a bite of what I want them to eat to get another portion of what they want. If they don't eat what I ask them to eat, then I visibly put the food they like "away" like on the counter instead of on the table. They eventually will eat one bite of "don't want it" to get another few bites of what they want. It works for me, but then this is all they've known since they started eating.

As for when to eat, if you eat later with DH, you might want to consider making a small portion of food to sit and eat with your daughter. In my experience, kids will eat better if they eat with a parent than if they are eating alone. Kids watch parents and mimic what they do. Seeing you eating a portion of what is on their plate sometimes will encourage them to do what you are doing. So, even if you only eat a few bites of what they are eating, you should sit down and have a plate/dish with a portion of what they are eating so that they can see you eating with them.
Anonymous
Re: scrambled eggs. I will sometimes finely chop some greens (usually spinach with the stems cut off) and toss into the eggs. If the kids ask about it, I tell them it is Dr. Seuss Green Eggs without the Ham, but that the character in GE&H likes to eat this. Telling them that a character that they like likes to eat something will sometimes get my toddlers to eat.
Anonymous
DD after 13M decided to be uber picky and the whole strategy of putting a variety of foods in front of her and the option of if she doesn't eat she'll be hungry and then eat is a joke. PP - She went 24 hrs without eating one day - was I supposed to starve her for another? That's a stupid tactic that doesn't work with all kids. With food, you gotta work with the kid. In matters of health I would not compromise as long as what she will eat is healthy. May suck for me to cater to her but I'm not having her sick.

She lives on black beans and rice, chicken nuggets, halal food truck and the occasional egg fried rice I make if she's in a good mood. For some reason she loves homemade Latino foods which my nannies/babysitters all do for her but I'm not Latino! . But she doesnt do veggies. She does yogurt, waffles, pancakes, bread, eggs, milk and cheerios and apples - She can eat 2 whole apples a day if I let her. That's it. She won't touch Mac and cheese, grilled cheese, pbj, spaghetti - everything my 4 yr old likes!

So you see - its annoying but at the age of 2 - what am I to do? Developmentally she's great, can feed herself, talk, etc. she's just picky and stubborn. OP - as long as you've got a couple foods from the major food groups it'll be ok. DD is 90% height 75% weight healthy as all can be. My first kid was a nightmare too with food. But slowly after age 3 as his communication grew stronger, it got easier to open him up. At age 4 he has his favorites but its not as extreme as it used to be. It'll be ok - good luck!
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