School Switching Options

[Anonymous]

I have some concerns about how my son's behavior has changed since he started PS3 this fall. I'm looking for advice on whether this is normal, and if not, what my options for switching schools might be.

I have an outgoing, adventurous, occasionally wild, bright, inquisitive, friendly, and overall happy child. He is cheerful to everyone he meets, loves to hold hands with other kids and give hugs, and has always loved imaginative play, spacial toys like blocks and puzzles, and outside time. He has always been a polite kid who knows to say please and thank you. He can be stubborn and has a short fuse, but his anger flares quickly and then subsides. He was well-loved at his last school (a small neighborhood montessori-method preschool) by all the kids and teachers, and we didn't worry at all about his transition--new experiences have never bothered him. He could always tell me about his day when I used to pick him up--what pictures he colored, who he sat next to, what games he played, if he learned a new song, whatever. Yes, it took some coaxing, but he always had something to say about his day.

He started a highly-ranked school in mid-September. He was initially very excited, followed by a few days of normal toddler separation anxiety, all of which I expected. But it hasn't gotten better--it's gotten worse. He drags his feet when we walk into school and hangs his head. He begs not to go to school in the morning. He doesn't know the names of any of the kids in his class except for 2 (and he knew every single child in his last school, easily 20+ kids, including tiny new babies). When I ask him what he did during the day, he just says "nothing." Always just "nothing"--no coaxing will get anything more, except about once a week I've gotten a tiny answer. But certainly no excitement, like he used to run out to me with the pictures he'd drawn or to tell me about the song he learned. He's had trouble with big tantrums, not his normal intense-but-fast flareups. He runs away from his class.

Also, in the month since he's started, he's dislocated his elbow on the playground, gotten kicked in the head by another student, gotten 'lost' from both aftercare AND lunch where a teacher found him on the stairs unattended and all by himself in both cases (they tell me he runs away, and I say why aren't you watching my child, but that's another issue). His classroom didn't have supplies until this week, and not all of them are in. He has started saying 'yes m'am' and 'yes sir' with a very hesitant tone of voice, not at all like the effortless "thank yous!" of his normal social behavior. He also got sent home for a tantrum yesterday--he's 3. Before they called me to send him home, his 'punishment' was being left all alone in the cafeteria without his class or his teacher--yes, all by himself.

This is a good kid. A kind and funny and affectionate kid. He's 3, and he tantrums, but his last school never had any problems distracting him or handling the behavior. HE'S THREE. I'm not some oblivious parent who isn't tuned in to my child's real behavior, unaware that I have a problem child. I had a smiley sunshiney boy, and he's now recalcitrant and anxious. I don't know what to do, who to talk to, and what our options will be--it's not like we can change schools (LOL, funny, if it were only that easy!).

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

This sounds absolutely awful. I am so sorry, OP. I would pull him from the school and send him back to his old school ASAP.

[Anonymous]

If I could put him back in his old preschool, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But he's aged out, and now I just don't feel like I have many options.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear that his old school isn't an option. Where do you live, and where would you like to be? You might check some of the private programs in the area. Some of the better daycares have good preschool-like environments. There are also some Montessori programs. Near me is the Little Flower Montessori School (on 16th St., not far from the Columbia Heights metro). There is also Franklin Montessori. We send our two-year-old to Huckleberry Cheesecake in downtown, which is fantastic. Not sure if they have room in the 3-5 year old room, but it might be worth checking. You might also cross-post in the preschool forum. Good luck and keep us updated on what you decide.

[Anonymous]

OP, we're also having a difficult preschool transition for my 3.5 year old daughter. It's been hard to get her to tell me what's going on in school. She also loved her previous preschool, and talks about it often still. It sounds like your school definitely has issues. I would want to be sitting down with his teacher and talking about how things are going, because multiple injuries and huge behavior changes would seem like a problem.

In the meantime, maybe you could try to become acquainted with some other families in his class? This was really helpful to me the first couple of weeks. Turns out, we were all having a rough transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear that his old school isn't an option. Where do you live, and where would you like to be? You might check some of the private programs in the area. Some of the better daycares have good preschool-like environments. There are also some Montessori programs. Near me is the Little Flower Montessori School (on 16th St., not far from the Columbia Heights metro). There is also Franklin Montessori. We send our two-year-old to Huckleberry Cheesecake in downtown, which is fantastic. Not sure if they have room in the 3-5 year old room, but it might be worth checking. You might also cross-post in the preschool forum. Good luck and keep us updated on what you decide.

This is the PP. Huckleberry is great. Definitely call and see if they have space. They had a lot of kids leave to go to public preschool this fall (including my kid) so it's likely they have space.

[Anonymous]

No, this doesn't sound normal. It sounds like he may have started late and that could have left him a little behind on the social aspects of his class but he should still be able to catch up. There are some schools that have open waitlists. You'd need to give more detail on location for people to point you to those schools or call the DCPS Hotline. You should keep an open mind about the "highly regarded" part. There are a great many very nurturing elementary schools around that aren't highly regarded, and the nurturing seems to be missing in this case.
Meanwhile be sure to also seek a conversation with your son's teacher and school. From your account, you seem to be relying on his reports. That shouldn't be your source of information, certainly not your only one. It's not uncommon for kids to not share their every move (even if they have in the past). If you start to fret over this, then they quickly pick up on that and also develop apprehension, just as you seem to have. A vicious cycle. Rule out that this is what you're looking at. Your child needs to see that it's not just a place to be dropped off at but that the parent is part of it all. That'll also be super-important if you switch schools, which will be another difficult transition.

[Anonymous]

I have active conversations with his teacher every day after school, and we keep in touch by email as well. I have been in touch with the principal and the lead teacher. We have been nothing but positive and upbeat about the transition in front of our son, purposefully trying to keep his mood upbeat. And the mood just drags downward, and his unusual outbursts continue. I'm completely at a loss.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you spend a few mornings in the classroom? We had a difficult adjustment last year in PS3 and it was very helpful for me to observe the classroom. I got to see the activities that they do as well as the behavioral expectations. I was able to help my child remember the parts of the routine that she found enjoyable, and it helped me to get to know the teachers better. PS3 can be a very tough transition. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd recommend checking out Appletree, which does only preschool and from my understanding is really good at it. I heard that they went through their entire Columbia Heights waitlist this year, so it's possible they will have some room. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If he was in a Montessori-based program previously and doing well, I would place him in another so that the environment is somewhat familiar to him. If you cannot switch him at this time, then try to schedule some play dates with the other children in the classroom. This will allow him more interaction/playtime with his classmates in the hopes that he makes some friends and has something to look forward to (seeing his new friend) each morning when he goes to school. This will also allow you the opportunity to speak with other parents at the school about their experience. You may find that your son's experience is not unique. Is he at a language immersion school? If so I think the transition period can be a bit challenging and longer than non-immersion.

He sounds like a very social child and he may feel uncomfortable in a new environment where he does not have a deep connection with his caregivers or the other children in the class. It is early in the school year and this may be the first school experience for many other children in the class. As a result many may be less social and receptive than he is accustomed. This makes for a difficult transition for those children who have been in formal programs for a longer period of time. They are instantly ready to engage; whereas some of the other children a still adjusting to the whole "school thing".

I would also talk to the school leadership about the discipline policy. Leaving a 3 year old child unattended in a cafeteria sounds like it may be a violation.

[Anonymous]

Does not sound normal. I would pull him out. If it were me, I would NOT go down the path of talking with the principal and teacher in hopes of it getting better, because what you describe sounds like potentially ingrained problems that your complaining will not change quickly enough to benefit your child. You don't want to risk having him dislike school...this is just the beginning of many years of schooling. PS3 should be a very happy, exciting time. I'm sorry OP. I'm sad for you and your little guy. Make a move and don't look back.

[Anonymous]

OP, you say he started mid-Sept...so you were called off the waitlist? And he had to make a quick switch or was he just at home? Do you think any of this is tied to the transition? I'd agree that by late Oct he should have worked out the kinks and found his happy stride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have active conversations with his teacher every day after school, and we keep in touch by email as well. I have been in touch with the principal and the lead teacher. We have been nothing but positive and upbeat about the transition in front of our son, purposefully trying to keep his mood upbeat. And the mood just drags downward, and his unusual outbursts continue. I'm completely at a loss.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things. Then I'd say this school, whatever the reasons, is not a good fit for him.

[Anonymous]

If you have to play hardball, you might want to consider taking the things you've documented--the injury, the being found unattended, the punishment in isolation--and make a stink with DCPS (or the charter board, if that's where you're at) so that they will get you into another school. If you are a squeaky enough wheel a school that is full will suddenly have another spot.