Can I tell my DD she can't dance in the upcoming recital?

[Anonymous]

My DD is 9. She has been in a beginner level dance class for the past year and this month is the class recital.

Parents are only allowed to watch classes a few times a year so the last time I sat in class was @6 months ago when they first starting learning the recital dance. It was pretty rough but since there were 6 months until the recital and my DD was trying to practice at home I didn't think much of it. This past weekend, was her last class and I saw a preview of the dance. Despite missing class only twice and practicing at home almost every day for the past few months, my DD doesn't know the dance very well. She appears lost during periods of the dance, was really out of synch with the girls during the routine, and has some trouble with some of the steps. To be really honest, I was just embarrassed as the parent watching the performance and I am embarrassed for my DD. I did see some of the other parents watching kind of cringe when they saw how out of synch my DD was with the rest of the class.

I am really surprised and had no idea things were that bad. The teacher has not mentioned it over the past few months. I am seriously thinking of telling my DD that she can't perform in the recital. First, and I admit this is terrible, but I just don't think I could stomach watching the performance and then having to be all fake and smiley afterwards and telling her how great she did when in fact she didn't and second, I feel bad for the other girls in the class and their parents. Their kids appear to have a more aptitude for dance and their performance was good. In fact, without my DD , the routine would be very smooth and look polished.


So how terrible is it if I tell her she can't dance in the recital?

[Anonymous]

Does your daughter enjoy it? Is she looking forward to the recital? If so, you have to let her dance. Plus, it would probably mess up the program even more to pull her at the last minute.

Talk to the teacher about whether or not it's worth it to continue lessons after the recital.

[Anonymous]

I am a music teacher and I am kind of appalled you would pull her out for this reason. This is part of being a parent. Your kid will not always be the best at things and sometimes they will be the worst. They still will be interested in learning new things and taking lessons. You need to learn to stomach things like this. Maybe your kid had a bad day. If you are really worried about it, ask the teacher in an email if you have any reason to be concerned and if there is anything you can do between now and the recital.
But basically buck up.

[Anonymous]

How many days does she have until the recital? Can you get the teacher to videotape it so you can help your DD at home?

[Anonymous]

Dance teacher here. - let her dance. Please don't pull her from it - she is probably excited about it and they have been practicing formations/line up etc so you will be hurting the whole class, not just "saving her from embarrassment"

It's a rec class - all levels and abilities welcome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many days does she have until the recital? Can you get the teacher to videotape it so you can help your DD at home?

+1 I think you need to do everything you can to help your DD do the best she can and then leave it up to her.

[Anonymous]

Oh, this makes me sad. Part of being a parent is watching your kids be completely inept at certain things and awesome at others, or just mediocre. As long as she doesn't care and wants to be in the recital, you've got to let her do it.

My kid is 4.5 and has been taking dance since she was 2. She's pretty terrible, but man, does she enjoy herself. Every recital that comes along (4x a year), my friends and I place bets on what particular thing she will do wrong this time. Will she: (a) show everyone her underpants? (2) Announce to everyone something really embarrassing? (3) run to hug me in the middle of class? (4) be completely off in every single routine?

Thing is, she is awesome comic relief for the other parents. There is a lot of chuckling when she does her thing. how could I deprive them of that? I know she's only 4, but I anticipate lots of years of clueless bad dancing. We are not a dancing family. Luckily we have other skills. As I'm sure your daughter does.

[Anonymous]

this is hyper critical and all about how YOU feel OP. you're embarrassed? who cares! the question is, how does your daughter feel about it? is she happy? then hold your sharp biting tongue. "that was beautiful dear. i'm proud of you for following through with the class!"

[Anonymous]

Don't kid yourself that this is concern for the other dancers - that's not your responsibility, that's the teacher's. This is about you, and you need to make it not about you.

[Anonymous]

The circumstances were very different, but my mom pulled me from part of my dance recital when I was in elementary school and I was too humiliated to continue the lessons. It continues to be a very bad childhood memory for me. (She said the costumes were too expensive, so I could only be in one of the two dances and my sister in the other. Our family had the money, she just didn't think it was worth the cost.) If your daughter wants to perform, please support her!

(Also, my son has motor planning issues so I wondered in reading your post if something like that might be going on with your daughter. If you are concerned, it might be worth raising with her pediatrician.)

[Anonymous]

Let her dance!!!

[Anonymous]

Your poor daughter.

[Anonymous]

It would be incredibly crappy not to let her dance. She's 9. It will be okay.

[Anonymous]

I know it can be hard to see your child struggle to do something the other kids seem to have all figured.

Support her, help her (if she seems to want help), ask her how she likes the class and how she's feeling about the recital, and try to think of encouraging things to say after its all said and done. Please do not pull her from the performance. I think that would be more humiliating than actually just doing a lousy job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, this makes me sad. Part of being a parent is watching your kids be completely inept at certain things and awesome at others, or just mediocre. As long as she doesn't care and wants to be in the recital, you've got to let her do it.

My kid is 4.5 and has been taking dance since she was 2. She's pretty terrible, but man, does she enjoy herself. Every recital that comes along (4x a year), my friends and I place bets on what particular thing she will do wrong this time. Will she: (a) show everyone her underpants? (2) Announce to everyone something really embarrassing? (3) run to hug me in the middle of class? (4) be completely off in every single routine?

Thing is, she is awesome comic relief for the other parents. There is a lot of chuckling when she does her thing. how could I deprive them of that? I know she's only 4, but I anticipate lots of years of clueless bad dancing. We are not a dancing family. Luckily we have other skills. As I'm sure your daughter does.

The thing is - what is cute at 4.5 is no longer cute at age 9 - nor is it cute to the parents watching.

As far as helping at home, she has been practicing at home and seems to know the steps while working on it alone but the problem seems to be on timing and working with others. And yes, I am concerned about the other girls because my DD almost collided with one today and knocked her over. This wasn't funny or cute and there was no laughing by anyone.