How to raise bright toddlers? SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

Oh and by not that successful, I do of course have an advanced degree from an ivy and a good job. But I'm not very motivated and I don't make the best decisions.

Read the recent time magazine article about brilliant and successful siblings. The idea that it takes tons of kimono or practices is outdated. Everyone does that now. You have to think outside the box. Independence and resourcefulness and imaginative play are probably the most saliebnt things for developing truly exceptional abilities. And the ability to really engage in that can be encouraged only at the margins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

This is OP. I'm troubled by this attitude though. I think there are a lot of gifted kids falling through the cracks that have the same potential and intellect as those that are "successful" in the eyes of society. The public school system failed my husband. It wasn't his fault he was a D student in high school, I truly believe that. How do I do better for my son? and at what age do I start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That kid is probably not smart or bright, but most likely is gifted within the similar IQ range as your husband. With your husband's experience, what you need to do for your kid is try to find him a few intellectual peers, perhaps look into moving near good programs for gifted students - not smart ones, and educate yourself about giftedness.

Don't wait for the educational system to test him at the same time they get everyone. Get him tested privately in a year or two or three, but don't wait until here's 6 years old and bored and maladapted to his environment, has already caught a couple of bad habits from being an outlier, and his traditional school tells you tit-for-tat "you say he's gifted but he won't finish assignments and does [unwanted behavior x]".

If he's currently fascinated with space, do offer him more information on it. It's his fascination so you wouldn't be pushing anything, but following his lead. Age-appropriateness is simply not relevant, and it rarely is anyway, even with non-gifted kids. Take him to the library, and look through kids books on space with him.

Reading is a tricky issue. Because he is so eager for facts and info, you know he'll just take off and be able to feed himself what he's craving as soon as he's reading. You probably suspect he would learn to read quickly if you tried. There is no amount of tiger mommying that will get most bright children to learn to read at two, or the pressure and the work it would require are unnatural and likely harmful. But it is likely your boy will read long before his peers, so once he knows all his letter sounds, it won't hurt to try.

Thank you for this.

We are both raised in military families. We have no family members who went to private schools or ivy league schools. Our parents were the first of their generation to attain any higher education, and yet my husbands IQ is in the 98 or 99 percentile. Even if a lot of posters don't believe me, that's fine.

For those saying, let him be. That's what my husbands parents did and I don't think it particularly worked. My husband is the smartest person I have ever met. He can fix anything. He understand and reads more than anyone I know, in depth about subjects that are arcane and weird, just for fun. He is very loving and kind and we have great relationships with our families. He regrets that he wasn't pushed harder. He got a near perfect SAT score with no prep and yet a D average. You automatically get letters from Ivy Leagues at that point, but he didn't bother applying to any schools because he didn't want to go to college.

Funnily enough, its the grandparents that are really filling me with doubt. I think they are self-conscious. If I get a non-toddler book from the library, or a hard seeming puzzle, they remark on it not being for him even if he happily flips through the pages. They buy him Mickey stuff and sit him in front of the TV.


We both have our concerns about public education. My husband taught himself to read at 4. His strongest memory of kindergarten is being forced to assign himself a red frowny face day after day because he wouldn't sit still and called the lessons stupid.

I'm not saying I want him tested. I'm saying I recognize that I think I need to be more informed. I think I need to get out of the shame of "oh everyone thinks their kid is gifted, sweetheart" and say, "no, look at him, this isn't about me, this is about him" and really start to fight for him.

I think you have some misconceptions about school and giftedness. Your husband didn't do as well not because he went to public school, but because he lacks drive. That's not something that's taught. Totally anecdotal, but my FIL grew up extremely poor. On his street, he hung out with two other boys who also came from less than stellar homes. They were all the kids of immigrants, who didn't speak English and barely cared their kids went to any school, let alone private school. My FIL had a learning disability and thus always got bad grades, but he knew he was smart so he kept on "hustling". There was no money for college, he went to work right out of school selling cars. He went to college at 27 years old on his own dime. It was Harvard, when they started their adult education program. He eventually become the head of a big bank. His two friends, who also weren't particularly "gifted" or have much resources, also worked their way up. One owns casinos and the other his own hedge fund. Instead of cultivating giftedness, teach your son the value of hard work, persistence, and drive. You don't need private schools or anything else that's fancy for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

This is OP. I'm troubled by this attitude though. I think there are a lot of gifted kids falling through the cracks that have the same potential and intellect as those that are "successful" in the eyes of society. The public school system failed my husband. It wasn't his fault he was a D student in high school, I truly believe that. How do I do better for my son? and at what age do I start?

Well, a HUGE part of being successful is the ability to self motivate. I went to a horrible high school. 10% of the kids went on to higher education. That's it. I was very smart, and I got all As and a ton of scholarships despite sub-par teachers, sub-par opportunities. I did have very supportive parents, but both my siblings, who were less traditionally intelligent, did not do as well. My point is, there are varying levels of smart. The very gifted don't usually have the falling through the cracks problem.

For your kid, get him to preschool, teach him to be independent, foster curiosity, exposure to different things, variation, ask him why he thinks things, etc. The basics, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

This is OP. I'm troubled by this attitude though. I think there are a lot of gifted kids falling through the cracks that have the same potential and intellect as those that are "successful" in the eyes of society. The public school system failed my husband. It wasn't his fault he was a D student in high school, I truly believe that. How do I do better for my son? and at what age do I start?

Social skills
Teaching grit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

This is OP. I'm troubled by this attitude though. I think there are a lot of gifted kids falling through the cracks that have the same potential and intellect as those that are "successful" in the eyes of society. The public school system failed my husband. It wasn't his fault he was a D student in high school, I truly believe that. How do I do better for my son? and at what age do I start?

At some point the responsibility is your husband's. By high school he should have known to apply himself. Or if he was so smart he didn't need to apply himself, then he should have turned in his assignments. Don't let your son make the same mistake of thinking he is too smart to need to work.

There was a kid like this in my high school class. Everyone knew he was brilliant. He knew it too. He sat in class with his back to the class, staring out the window. He never took notes -- didn't need to. He turned in enough work to get As and A minuses, but there were several kids who worked harder and had higher grade point averages. He didn't do well in college because he had never learned to work. He has a middling career now, per Facebook. Hopefully he's happy in his personal life, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's not. Sometimes super smart people expect the world to drop into their lap. They feel entitled to success because they're smart. That's not the way the world works. Most of us average smart people work our butts off for success. There's a reason why, if you read most threads on DCUM about gifted kids, many parents emphasize teaching kids that effort counts as much or more than results.

Work with your son's interests to the extent he wants to. If he likes space, go to the Air and Space museum and talk about it. If he likes science, buy science kits or snap circuits and talk about them. If he likes reading, teach him how to read. Don't push the academics at age 2 just for the sake of pushing. Follow his lead even if it's uneven. And encourage him to explore things he is not good at. Let him fail. And when he is older, if he is clearly interested and talented in certain areas, pursue them if you can. You don't have to map out his entire life at age 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

Oh and by not that successful, I do of course have an advanced degree from an ivy and a good job. But I'm not very motivated and I don't make the best decisions.

Read the recent time magazine article about brilliant and successful siblings. The idea that it takes tons of kimono or practices is outdated. Everyone does that now. You have to think outside the box. Independence and resourcefulness and imaginative play are probably the most saliebnt things for developing truly exceptional abilities. And the ability to really engage in that can be encouraged only at the margins.

Really interesting article! I especially liked this line from one of the parents:
"But Esther has a theory. “The more you do for your kids, the less they do for themselves,"

This was a good one too: "“You cannot reach anybody’s goal. You’ve got to reach your own goal,” says Gino Rodriguez. “You cannot reach a goal unless you set that goal for yourself.”"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

Oh and by not that successful, I do of course have an advanced degree from an ivy and a good job. But I'm not very motivated and I don't make the best decisions.

Read the recent time magazine article about brilliant and successful siblings. The idea that it takes tons of kimono or practices is outdated. Everyone does that now. You have to think outside the box. Independence and resourcefulness and imaginative play are probably the most saliebnt things for developing truly exceptional abilities. And the ability to really engage in that can be encouraged only at the margins.

Really interesting article! I especially liked this line from one of the parents:
"But Esther has a theory. “The more you do for your kids, the less they do for themselves,"

This was a good one too: "“You cannot reach anybody’s goal. You’ve got to reach your own goal,” says Gino Rodriguez. “You cannot reach a goal unless you set that goal for yourself.”"

Link please? Other book recs would be welcome too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

Oh and by not that successful, I do of course have an advanced degree from an ivy and a good job. But I'm not very motivated and I don't make the best decisions.

Read the recent time magazine article about brilliant and successful siblings. The idea that it takes tons of kimono or practices is outdated. Everyone does that now. You have to think outside the box. Independence and resourcefulness and imaginative play are probably the most saliebnt things for developing truly exceptional abilities. And the ability to really engage in that can be encouraged only at the margins.

Really interesting article! I especially liked this line from one of the parents:
"But Esther has a theory. “The more you do for your kids, the less they do for themselves,"

This was a good one too: "“You cannot reach anybody’s goal. You’ve got to reach your own goal,” says Gino Rodriguez. “You cannot reach a goal unless you set that goal for yourself.”"

You can become more of a self starter right here by using the google.

I am sorry but I had to.

Link please? Other book recs would be welcome too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

Oh and by not that successful, I do of course have an advanced degree from an ivy and a good job. But I'm not very motivated and I don't make the best decisions.

Read the recent time magazine article about brilliant and successful siblings. The idea that it takes tons of kimono or practices is outdated. Everyone does that now. You have to think outside the box. Independence and resourcefulness and imaginative play are probably the most saliebnt things for developing truly exceptional abilities. And the ability to really engage in that can be encouraged only at the margins.

Really interesting article! I especially liked this line from one of the parents:
"But Esther has a theory. “The more you do for your kids, the less they do for themselves,"

This was a good one too: "“You cannot reach anybody’s goal. You’ve got to reach your own goal,” says Gino Rodriguez. “You cannot reach a goal unless you set that goal for yourself.”"

Link please? Other book recs would be welcome too.

You can become more of a self starter right here by using the google.

[Anonymous]

Make sure he eats a lot of bacon.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are thousands of books out there, but I think you should probably read Nurture Shock amongst others. Once you start fighting for your "smart" child, you're in a road to kill his internal motivation. I was gifted and college was a huge shock to me bc I had been the "smart kid" at my middling HS and never had to work hard. My husband wasn't gifted, but similar to the other PP a "hustler" from a low-income family and I would say he's more successful than I am. IF your kid is unusually bright, I agree you should be focusing on social skills, manners, and independence/internal motivation. My oldest is very curious and since he was 18 months has gone through phases of intense interest in space, firefighting, ice harvesting, etc. We just go to museums, borrow books from libraries - as long as they have pictures- provide a lot of props for imagining and he takes it as far as he wants. Especially if you SAH this should be straightforward. And sign him up for preschool. Don't do worksheets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

This is OP. I'm troubled by this attitude though. I think there are a lot of gifted kids falling through the cracks that have the same potential and intellect as those that are "successful" in the eyes of society. The public school system failed my husband. It wasn't his fault he was a D student in high school, I truly believe that. How do I do better for my son? and at what age do I start?

OP, you are overthinking this. I actually have a pretty similar situation. My husband is freakishly smart and did not do well in school because of lack of motivation. I've worried a bit about my 4 year old, who is extremely smart as well, but decided we can't fix something that isn't broken. My son is not my husband (and neither is yours). Your husband had some other issues going on. Not everyone with a high IQ performs poorly. For now, we have my son in a play based preschool and support him in his interests, which means yes, buying flashcards when he started to read on his own, but not drilling him. Just giving them to him to play with and read because he enjoyed it. You're not a tiger mom if you buy your kid a book on space and see where it takes him.

Just take your son's lead. He sounds like a neat kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, a 130 iq is not that big of a deal. Esp in this area. Many many people responding probably have iqs in the 150 range. I do. I read pride and prejudice for fun at 6. And understood almost all of it. That said, I have massive anxiety - many brilliant people do - and I'm not really that successful because I never had to try at anything intellectual.

As far as supporting him now, when you are literally a genius, you do it yourself. Those kind of kids build houses from cards without any kind of instruction, create complex games, read, etc. If your kid isn't developing his intellect on his own, he's average smart.

Oh and by not that successful, I do of course have an advanced degree from an ivy and a good job. But I'm not very motivated and I don't make the best decisions.

Read the recent time magazine article about brilliant and successful siblings. The idea that it takes tons of kimono or practices is outdated. Everyone does that now. You have to think outside the box. Independence and resourcefulness and imaginative play are probably the most saliebnt things for developing truly exceptional abilities. And the ability to really engage in that can be encouraged only at the margins.

Really interesting article! I especially liked this line from one of the parents:
"But Esther has a theory. “The more you do for your kids, the less they do for themselves,"

This was a good one too: "“You cannot reach anybody’s goal. You’ve got to reach your own goal,” says Gino Rodriguez. “You cannot reach a goal unless you set that goal for yourself.”"

Link please? Other book recs would be welcome too.

You can become more of a self starter right here by using the google.

i searched gifted siblings on the time site and nothing recent came up. thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are thousands of books out there, but I think you should probably read Nurture Shock amongst others. Once you start fighting for your "smart" child, you're in a road to kill his internal motivation. I was gifted and college was a huge shock to me bc I had been the "smart kid" at my middling HS and never had to work hard. My husband wasn't gifted, but similar to the other PP a "hustler" from a low-income family and I would say he's more successful than I am. IF your kid is unusually bright, I agree you should be focusing on social skills, manners, and independence/internal motivation. My oldest is very curious and since he was 18 months has gone through phases of intense interest in space, firefighting, ice harvesting, etc. We just go to museums, borrow books from libraries - as long as they have pictures- provide a lot of props for imagining and he takes it as far as he wants. Especially if you SAH this should be straightforward. And sign him up for preschool. Don't do worksheets.

we can't afford any preschools that are anything more than just daycares.