Late or bounced child support checks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask for an income deduction order from the state. It totally takes you out of the equation. It's not the same as a garnishment, but it has the same effect. The state takes the money directly from his paycheck before he ever sees it

We insisted on doing it that way when we were paying child support simply to avoid dealing with my DHs ex (She was lying and claiming we weren't paying on time). When we got custody of the kids, we demanded the same from her.

It totally removes the drama associated with late child support

Some states ONLY operate CS this way. OP, take his azz back to court, so what if DH and his family complain? Until THEY are supporting your child, it doesn't matter what they think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex-DH and I had a pretty civil divorce, in my opinion. We communicate regularly, he has full access to our DS. However, for almost a year now his child support checks have been late by either a week or two and lately they started bouncing altogether. We talked, he keeps saying that his company is going through a rough patch, several clients have been late with their payments. I get it, he has a business. But I am not a wealthy person, so I've been pretty much shouldering all of our costs by myself. The mortgage, the association fees, medical insurance, clothes, camps, extracurricular activities. When DS computer died, I bought him a new one, even though ex-DH said "I'll pay half." Never happened. He promised to take DS on vacation to FL. Never happened either. I can't afford a real vacation this summer. Last night I suggested to go back to our lawyers and financial manager so that we can figure out a payment plan. Now I am getting bitchy phone calls from him and his family, calling me petty and cheap. WWYD?

If the checks are bouncing, he needs to pay you with cash or a cashier's check or a direct deposit. I wouldn't deal with bouncing checks.

On the other hand, I would be willing to split child support payments into weekly or twice monthly payments, if that was easier for ex-DH to pay.

I would refuse to talk to the EX-ILs. They can STFU and MYOB.

I would also consider dumping the house and getting something cheaper, if it was just me and one kid. That would take some financial burden off you. A condo might be perfect.

OP here. We already live in a condo. It's a 2-bdr condo in a nice neighborhood with good schools. I would not be able to afford a house. I am lucky I don't have student loans and DS doesn't go to a private school.

Then you don't have much to cut, except extracurriculars. I wouldn't cut extracurriculars until I had shaken as much child support out my ex as I could. Time to make an appointment with your lawyer.

OP here. Precisely. I don't think I am being unreasonable. DS should do extracurricular activities, that is all part of him becoming a well-rounded human being. He is not doing anything fancy, soccer and extra STEM classes. He's in an immersion school so we are saving a ton of money teaching him a foreign language. I feel like I've cut a lot of corners and I am still coming out as a bad guy. DS is a great kid, very loving, caring. He should be able to go on vacation, I simply can't afford it w/o dipping into savings. That's just not right.

We rarely go on vacation - we have the income and means to but its not a priority as that would mean our savings. If you want to go, that is why you have savings. Dad should not be paying for your vacation. You choose to buy a computer for your home - it comes out of your income or child support. Vacations and computers are luxury items, and if you can't afford them, you do without.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS: It's not fair for him to say he can't afford to pay so he's not paying. What if you can't afford to pay either?

As my lawyer said, he can afford to put gas in his car. He can afford to pay for his cell phone. He can afford the things that are a priority for him. You are not a priority for him. Unless you make yourself one.

Keep documenting how late he is with the payments. Once he gets to be say, three months behind, file with the courts. They don't want to hear about two week delays.

If your ex gets put in jail for failure to pay support, he won't be able to run that business of his. Watch how fast this threat changes his priorities.

This logic is not logical except to an attorney milking you for everything you have. He needs to put gas in his car to get to/from work. He needs a cell phone for emergencies/contact - even just a basic one.

Children do not need new computers or vacations. That is a want vs. need.

Yes, he should be paying child support or at least what he can but demanding extra's when he cannot afford basics right now is unreasonable.

If you put him in jail for not paying child support, he may lose his job or future jobs given his new criminal record which impacts his ability to pay support.

Are you serious? Have you seen the school requirements of "submit a typed report." ? What is he supposed to do if he doesn't have a computer, go to Kinkos?

Use mom's computer, or go to the library like others do.

[Anonymous]

Kids don't need a new computer. Ask around, see if any of your friends are upgrading and recycling their old laptops. A friend of mine was getting rid of several computers from her dad's estate and gave me one for my daughter. I gave her a $50 gift card. (she donated the others.)

[Anonymous]

OP here. A new computer is just one of the examples. We've already cut a lot of corners. And yes, his "new" computer was actually a used Dell that I got on eBay. Still, I had to pay for everything myself. It's annoying.

I have blocked ILs on my phone b/c they were becoming unbearable. "Remember when you were in grad school, DH paid the bills?" That was 15 years ago. We didn't have a child. Now we do and I am shouldering everything.

[Anonymous]

How did this thread turn into nitpicking OP for how she spends her money, instead of helping her deal with a deadbeat dad?

OP - go through the state for enforcement and don't give a second thought to what anyone else thinks. I hope that he mans up and starts paying. At the very least, he'll start accruing arrears and will have to pay even beyond your DS's 18th birthday, which may be a blessing when he's in college.

[Anonymous]

Some of us aren't nitpicking. some of us are trying to point out that it sounds like OP's ex-husband does not have the money he did when the support agreement was signed. And that if that is the case, they are going to have to make some changes.

My ex was unemployed for a few months last year. I assumed that if that unemployment lasted, he might have to choose to pay his mortgage vs. paying his child support. I was prepared to swallow it for a few months, and he could pay me back later. it would have sucked - I have a big mortgage and our yearly child-related expenses are not small. We would have made sacrifices, including vacations.

Just saying that there is something going on here, and I'm not sure taking the ex to court is going to have the desired effect. What if she does this, he admits he's not making much, the support gets slashed AND she has legal fees to pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of us aren't nitpicking. some of us are trying to point out that it sounds like OP's ex-husband does not have the money he did when the support agreement was signed. And that if that is the case, they are going to have to make some changes.

My ex was unemployed for a few months last year. I assumed that if that unemployment lasted, he might have to choose to pay his mortgage vs. paying his child support. I was prepared to swallow it for a few months, and he could pay me back later. it would have sucked - I have a big mortgage and our yearly child-related expenses are not small. We would have made sacrifices, including vacations.

Just saying that there is something going on here, and I'm not sure taking the ex to court is going to have the desired effect. What if she does this, he admits he's not making much, the support gets slashed AND she has legal fees to pay?

If that is the case, OP's ex doesn't get to change the child support agreement utilaterlly. He needs to tell the court about it and let the court make adjustments. OP has very generously offered to have a financial person take a look at what he can pay, but he refused. The ex is a prick. Time to get a lawyer and let the court sort it out.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to determine how bad things are in his business. If he iant making enough to cover his bare expenses (food and shelter) then you need to tread carefully

He is absolutely obligated to pay and if the business is failing you can force him to leave and get a job. However there are consequences to these actions. If the job would pay less than he historically made you would be agreeing to permanently receive lesser child support. If the business can be turned around this could be a huge mistake.

If He is going to temporarily pay less because he literally cannot afford it you need to see monthly profit and loss statements from the business. If it is bad but improving let him be. If the business is beyond hope or the profit and loss statements show that he can pay take him to court. He can provide prior ones to do that you have a frame of reference.

[Anonymous]

He can gets new job. No sympathy.