Your friend has issues, starting with making an issue out of knowing when you'd be "kid-free" for a date and then bringing...a kid.
She's oversensitive and I'd just ignore the email, personally. |
OP, I posted before but now think you could have done some things differently. Here's the issue. The little girl was bored. so yes, she probably wanted to go play in ___'s room, where she thinks the good toys are. If she got an attitude from then on in, why do you think this is? Did she feel hurt by your tone? Maybe a better approach would have been to just say "we've got a ton of toys in the playroom, holly would probably prefer to be there to show you around her room herself. maybe the two of you can get together ____?" instead of saying "Jane does not like people in her room when she is not there" which just sounds stuffy (even though you were right to enforce that).
Another thing is, whether or not this little girl was invited, once she shows up it might be nice to make a big effort to include her. Set her up with something to reduce the boredom, include her in the convo, etc. I'm not saying you were WRONG to not do this or that your friend had a right to expect it, but I think it would have alleviated your problem. How much would it suck to be a 3rd grader dragged along for coffee, brunch, then two women shopping? |
Bringing child little weird but not like toting a two year old..which would make it impossible to have any time. The prohibition on going in room?? I am calling bs on that..I have an almost 7 year old and no way I would tell a other kid who was visiting that they couldn't play in her room because she values privacy..seriously?? That puts you in crazy land as well. |
Five girls? I have good friends and siblings that home school. I only think one family is really weird and that's because they are using the no-school homeschool approach. |
+1 |
Psst. We are in the years 2000. |
OP, I would let a child play in my kids' rooms. They only thing that would scare me is not being able to watch the child and they get into some trouble (choking or something). I might have explained it that way. |
I would say "In our house bedrooms are private spaces. We have a wonderfully outfitted playroom which is where all kids play when they visit us. I'm sorry that Jane didn't understand that or was unhappy with our house rules. As for suggesting rescheduling, I just very much got the sense from her tone and comments that Jane was bored and did not want to be with us. That was my only reason. I would have made arrangements to have an activity for her had I know she was coming with you. I certainly did not intend to make you uncomfortable, but I don't think I was being unreasonable. " |
From your original post and this email, I don't think you did anything wrong, OP. Your friend is out of line. Her reaction was odd. Sounds like she was reading rejection into what were reasonable responses to her daughter's behavior. |
You are crazy. Even son would be upset if I let another kid in his room when he is not around. Girls would be more private. |
Your friend was the rude one not you! she should have corrected her daughter's behavior on the spot. Had I been your friend, I would have called you in advance to tell you that I was coming with my child and apologize - I would also offer to reschedule. she messed up, not you. |
Kid's a brat and your friend is a marshmallow. She brought dear daughter b/c DD didn't want to stay with dad, DD got peeved and acted horsey, probably fake cried all the way home. You are not in the wrong here based on what you describe. |
FWIW, I disagree. The friend was supposed to be child free and shows up with her child. Not cool in my book but things happen. But no way would my DD in 3rd grade even ask to go in another kid's room, and as a parent no way would I be at all offended if my friend told my DD the room was off limits. It sounds like the friend's household must not have many rules or boundaries if this child felt entitled to make such a request. |
What do you disagree with? Because I agree with what you're saying. I think the friend's mom sounds kind of terrible. But I'm just picturing a kid sitting there while grownups drink coffee and talk, feeling bored, and I am remembering myself at that age and maybe I'd have said Hey can I go play in Carrie's room? Or whatever. I'm NOT disagreeing that the child and her mom both acted kind of poorly, but I do think maybe OP could have spared more kindness to a little girl who was bored and probably should be in school. (BTW, not anti-homeschool at all, I just think this girl sounded super bored, and if you're making the commitment to homeschool, you probably need to have some strategies in place to make sure the child has things to do - just like you would do on summer vacation). So OP, not blaming you, just pointing out that maybe you could have done more for the little girl. You shouldn't have HAD to, but it isn't really her fault her mom's a dope! |
1) Your friend was rude. She scheduled a "child free" day with you and then brought her kid. She should have rescheduled.
2) That kid is a spoiled brat. She was extremely rude. Kids should not be allowed to sulk when given the rules at someone else's house. |