Fitting the baby into your life, not the other way around

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3yo DC and I went out to lunch today, sat across from each other and had a very pleasant meal. No coloring, noipod, no meltdowns. We do this all the time. We got lucky in that he is pretty relaxed, but eating out is something I really enjoy and I've taken him to restaurants since he was a baby so he is used to it and understands how he is supposed to behave. My life has certainly changed a lot, but I don't think that having a kid requires you to completely give up on the things you enjoy. I think a lot of kids are more adaptable than their parents give them credit for.

You are lucky. I have been taking my son out, like your, since he was a couple weeks old, and he has always been perfect in restaurants. We are just hitting the 2's and suddenly it is 50/50 whether he has a screaming fit over not being able to hold the water glass on his own (despite having a plastic one he can hold if he wants) or not being able to have the salt shaker or wanting "DOWN!" or a host of other frustrating indignations. He has always been saintly at restaurants. Sigh. We are working through it but I don't take him anywhere that could be called "nice" anymore out of courtesy to the other patrons. We are going to family restaurants where a screech or two won't be as noticeable.

[Anonymous]

I agree that if you don't follow a routine, the kids tend to (are forced to) adapt and are probably better off for it. My daughter has never had a routine, and is doing great so far. I worry a bit about how she will handle earlier bed times once she has to start going to school early, but we will cross that bridge then and I'm confident she will adapt accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are learning the hard way that although we thought we would fit our baby into our lives, she has other ideas! Before DD was born (a mere 15 weeks ago), I vowed not to be one of the moms who "disappeared" when they had a baby. My closest friend had a daughter 6 months before I was due, and she brought her everywhere, kept her up to all hours, let her nap in the carseat, etc. I thought we would be the same. Once DD was out of the newborn stage, however...no way. We would be over at a friend's house for dinner, out to a restaurant, or out and about during the day, and she would start having meltdowns. It finally dawned on me that she was tired, out of sorts, and she did much better with a routine in place. So, despite my best intentions, I have set and keep a strict routine. And you know what...it's not that bad at all So I can't enjoy the social whirl as much as I used to...a well-rested, happy baby who gets 3 naps a day and is asleep by 7 is more valuable to me than carting her to someone's house. It's what works for us, and it truly all depends on the baby!!

That being said, parents who insist on not changing their lives (for no reason other than principle) when they have a baby are ridiculous. That same friend's baby started getting fussy every time they would come over for dinner, and not a week goes by now that she doesn't call to complain about how her daughter won't nap, had a meltdown while they were out, or wouldn't sit still at a restaurant they were at. I never want to say anything critical or judgemental when I'm not on an anonymous forum (), but it does seem to me that parents who (selfishly, IMO) deny what is best for their kids because their lives would be cramped don't really understand what it is to be parents. Before I get flamed for that strongly worded sentence, please note that I am NOT talking about parents with easily portable kids who don't need a schedule (some pp's have described their kids as such), but parents with kids like mine, who need routine to be happy, and are not getting it.

Yeah, because with 15w of parenthood under your belt you are an expert on what makes a good parent or not right? Get a grip PP!

You're a dolt PP. A person with a 3 or a 6 year old, or a 15 year old isn;t an expert either. But we can all have opinions on what makes decent parents--right or wrong. We have almost all had parents, so we have some insight. I am a mom of a 4 year old, and while things have changed in terms of specifics, my overall philosophy to parenting hasn't changed since the kid was a baby. Try to contribute something meaningful next time you run your flapper.

Huh, sorry but no. At 15w into parenthood no one can really understand "what is to be parents."

So when is that time? Is there a certain amount of time you need to log on your timetable? Of course they know what it is to be parents you moron!

Huh, no they certainly don't at 15w postpartum - moron! They might know what is working (or not) for them on a regular bases, but it is far fetched to know "what is to be parents" for all families across the board. I am going out now moron. Have a nice day moron. With your moronic family... Moron!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that if you don't follow a routine, the kids tend to (are forced to) adapt and are probably better off for it. My daughter has never had a routine, and is doing great so far. I worry a bit about how she will handle earlier bed times once she has to start going to school early, but we will cross that bridge then and I'm confident she will adapt accordingly.

Some kids do better with routine. I think if you have one of these, you learn really quickly that you have to adapt to them. I honestly tried to have an "adaptable" kid. It didn't work, and he's so much happier now that we do what's best for his schedule, not ours.

[Anonymous]

Here's my perspective. My latest blog post explains why I fit my little boy into my life. I hope you enjoy the read
http://www.samcamerononline.com/fitting-your-baby-into-your-life/

[Anonymous]

I am on board with 19:42 - I strongly believe the baby should fit into your life and not the other way around. I think the latter breeds a child-centered household which is not good for the child (who essentially learns they are in charge of the family's schedule and sometimes even more) or the parents (many, many moms get over obsessed with their kids and lose sight of who THEY are.) From personal experience, I've learned that a mom who does this will not be happy or healthy, and neither will the child. I know most of the posts are talking about nap schedules and such for infants but as a bigger philosophy, I think the way you approach the issue from the outset sets a precedent for the future. It's a slippery slope! That being said, the health and happiness of all members of the family are important, and so if your life involves smoking in the house or staying out at all hours of the night, obviously, you have to make sacrifices. Do I have a bedtime and set naptimes for my baby? Yes, but if something comes up that I need to do, I'm willing to make changes - I'm just not a slave to the routine. The routine serves its purpose but it has to be used and viewed in balance with the slew of other priorities for the family, to include the happiness of mommy and daddy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my perspective. My latest blog post explains why I fit my little boy into my life. I hope you enjoy the read
http://www.samcamerononline.com/fitting-your-baby-into-your-life/

Thread necromancy to promote a blog.

[Anonymous]

Small children need naps and need to go to bed early. Yes your life changes but that is fine. It changes for the better. My life is very different than when I was in my 20's. I don't feel the need to be out late anymore.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is one consistent way that this happens. Some days my kid is in a happy, laid back mood and he fits into my life. If he's not, I have to fit into his.

[Anonymous]

We didn't start out with any particular philosophy on the matter, but over time adapted to our kid needs to keep everyone healthy, happy, and reasonably well-rested. If I had kids who could stay up late and sleep in the next morning, you bet I'd be hanging out later with friends - but we ended up with kids (particularly one of them) who when kept up late wake up extra early. If that goes on long enough we cycle into a hellish overtired-refusing-to-sleep weeks long saga, which is really best avoided. So bedtime is at 7:30, but if something is going on we might keep them up until 8:30 or 9, but not on a regular basis.

Our kids also won't nap in the car (seriously, even on 10 hour road trips), so that definitely cramps our style. If our three year old misses a nap, that's fine, but we do make an effort to get a nap into the 1.5yo on a daily basis.

I'm insanely jealous of my sister's toddler who will fall asleep on a chair at the pool, or friend's kids who stay up all night and wake up at noon, but alas, that's not happening in our house. Maybe in ten years. I think it's relatively easy to "fit" a baby into your life, but toddlers or multiple children will give you a run for your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my perspective. My latest blog post explains why I fit my little boy into my life. I hope you enjoy the read
http://www.samcamerononline.com/fitting-your-baby-into-your-life/

And we should care about your perspective on a 2-year-old topic for what reason, Sam Cameron?

[Anonymous]

We fit our son into our lives in that he eats grown up food, goes to grown up parties with us, blah
Blah blah. But his needs come first. And that means between 4-9 months, we were slaves to the crib because he dropped off at 7:30. If we went out to eat, it was at 6pm. We entertained, but one of us would put him to bed and we'd start eating at 8:30. As he got older and more flexible, we pushed the hours later, but still -- if he had a need, it comes first. We take him wine tasting, to NYC vacations, and to white table cloth and four course meals with us. At four, he can handle it and people are always amazed at how well behaved he is. But, even when we do go to say, a NYe party, one of us is "ready" or had a backup plan of he can't fall asleep in the pack n play or hang with the growns ups -- there is a DD and the DD takes him home -- the other parent cabs home. A lot of it is temperament and our son was high needs as a child -- very intense. But we worked around it and now, at four, it is definitely worthwhile to have tried pushing the limits on occasion. And I don't feel he's ever suffered because his needs have always come first

[Anonymous]

I thought she would fit right into our lives. I was wrong. It depends on the day. Sometimes, it is a good idea to do X, and sometimes, it is a bad idea. We sometimes chance Y, we sometimes don't. But, we do nothing we did before baby. All playdates and buying diapers and stuff now. She naps in carseat or stroller when really tired. We do extra planning when we can to make sure she is happy when we go out.

[Anonymous]

Hmm here's an idea: hire a babysitter. That's how I've kept up my life post baby.

[Anonymous]

We were always quite structured with our son, and truth be told, I find it comforting. I love knowing that on weekends, he will be asleep from 2 to 6 and these four hours will be mine - to cook, to run errands, to watch telly, to log quality arse-on-couch time. We make him fit into our lives in the sense of doing things that we enjoy together - for instance, I just took him to brunch at Mintwood place yesterday, just me and my pint-size date; we spend time with friends, he goes with us everywhere - within his waking hours. And then he must go to bed and he does.

I don't know if it's a coincidence, but he's 2 years 8 months old and he has NEVER had a tantrum yet, in public or private. I like to think that it's because he's just a well rested kid. but I'm sure personality comes into it too.