Emotional relationship / affair - Where is the line

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard, I have something similar but not as bad as you. I definitely feel like it’s more than just a regular friendship because of the tension between us. We usually ride together to work events, respond to each others messages on weekends, I notice he will touch my fingers is grabbing something or lightly brush against me, put his hands around my waist once, stuff like that.

It’s fun but neither one of us will take pass this tension phase because that’s the best part and we don’t want to blow up our families.

Agree. Been there. Whenever I thought through what would happen if we actually slept together I broke out in a cold sweat -- no good endings there. But then tension and ambiguous part is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard, I have something similar but not as bad as you. I definitely feel like it’s more than just a regular friendship because of the tension between us. We usually ride together to work events, respond to each others messages on weekends, I notice he will touch my fingers is grabbing something or lightly brush against me, put his hands around my waist once, stuff like that.

It’s fun but neither one of us will take pass this tension phase because that’s the best part and we don’t want to blow up our families.

Agree. Been there. Whenever I thought through what would happen if we actually slept together I broke out in a cold sweat -- no good endings there. But then tension and ambiguous part is good.

You freaked yourself out over tension?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard, I have something similar but not as bad as you. I definitely feel like it’s more than just a regular friendship because of the tension between us. We usually ride together to work events, respond to each others messages on weekends, I notice he will touch my fingers is grabbing something or lightly brush against me, put his hands around my waist once, stuff like that.

It’s fun but neither one of us will take pass this tension phase because that’s the best part and we don’t want to blow up our families.

Agree. Been there. Whenever I thought through what would happen if we actually slept together I broke out in a cold sweat -- no good endings there. But then tension and ambiguous part is good.

You freaked yourself out over tension?

Seems like the thought of actually going through with an affair freaked them out

[Anonymous]

If you aren’t attracted, it’s fine. Is there an attraction? If so, back off and create more boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t attracted, it’s fine. Is there an attraction? If so, back off and create more boundaries.

This is a dumb question, you would not be so available to someone you are not attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard, I have something similar but not as bad as you. I definitely feel like it’s more than just a regular friendship because of the tension between us. We usually ride together to work events, respond to each others messages on weekends, I notice he will touch my fingers is grabbing something or lightly brush against me, put his hands around my waist once, stuff like that.

It’s fun but neither one of us will take pass this tension phase because that’s the best part and we don’t want to blow up our families.

The fun can be quite risky and needs to be managed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard, I have something similar but not as bad as you. I definitely feel like it’s more than just a regular friendship because of the tension between us. We usually ride together to work events, respond to each others messages on weekends, I notice he will touch my fingers is grabbing something or lightly brush against me, put his hands around my waist once, stuff like that.

It’s fun but neither one of us will take pass this tension phase because that’s the best part and we don’t want to blow up our families.

The fun can be quite risky and needs to be managed.

We have managed the fun for almost a year. It’s not constant, one of us will pull back for a few weeks here and there and start up again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard, I have something similar but not as bad as you. I definitely feel like it’s more than just a regular friendship because of the tension between us. We usually ride together to work events, respond to each others messages on weekends, I notice he will touch my fingers is grabbing something or lightly brush against me, put his hands around my waist once, stuff like that.

We have managed the fun for almost a year. It’s not constant, one of us will pull back for a few weeks here and there and start up again.

I am surprised u can keep it non physical.

[Anonymous]

Don’t get drinks or dinner with her again. Stop texting after 6pm work day. No hugs, no holding hands, avoid touching at all costs. Keep conversations to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get drinks or dinner with her again. Stop texting after 6pm work day. No hugs, no holding hands, avoid touching at all costs. Keep conversations to work.

Agree you need to cutoff contact. Grey rock.

[Anonymous]

The posters here are crazy. The only thing that even brings to approach a line is the hand holding, which is no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The posters here are crazy. The only thing that even brings to approach a line is the hand holding, which is no big deal.

texting at night and weekends because spouse will get suspicious needs to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t attracted, it’s fine. Is there an attraction? If so, back off and create more boundaries.

This is a dumb question, you would not be so available to someone you are not attracted to.

Trying to understand this. If someone makes themselves available to you, it’s only because they are attracted to you?

[Anonymous]

One big litmus test for me is comparing the amount of emotional intimacy, time spent together, communication etc. with that of your spouse. How often do you go out for drinks and dinner with your spouse? How often do you hold hands with your spouse? How often do you text your spouse? When you text your spouse, do you share the mundane things you're doing? Do you chat with your spouse late into the night? Do you talk about common interests with yoru spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posters here are crazy. The only thing that even brings to approach a line is the hand holding, which is no big deal.

texting at night and weekends because spouse will get suspicious needs to stop.

Texting at night and weekends is suspicious? That's a weird take.