Do you think MC families are happier than UMC families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

OP, if you find that you wouldn't be proud and satisfied if your kid went to Arizona or Alabama if that school was a good fit for them then you need to do some soul searching (and probably move). We're UMC, I grew up that way and went to a private K-12, as do my kids. I went to a T20 college and top grad school. I hope my kids find a college that they love as much as I loved mine. If that happens to be Alabama, then Roll Tide! Your thinking is really toxic. And yes, we moved out of DC, not because of this gross mentality (mostly due to commutes we were sick of and a ridiculous cost of living even though our HHI is pretty high), but it was a huge benefit to be away from people who think like you.

[Anonymous]

OP, my spouse and I both grew up MC and went to top tier colleges and grad schools. Through hard work and good luck and a leg up, all of this means we are UMC, and DC being what it is, we are raising our kids in a hyper competitive area. It’s rough sometimes, especially because there is always someone who has more/can do more/ etc. HOWEVER, all of our experience has led to the shared, very firm commitment to loving the kids we were given and teaching them that finding purpose and happiness is going to be much more important than going to a certain college or picking a certain career.

Our advice is always marry well, do something you love, be a kind and generous person… everything else will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

[Anonymous]

Some of the happiest people we know went to Tech and JMU. I’ll be totally happy if my kids go there. If it’s Mary Washington or CNU or Mason that’s fine too. No stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Co cky tiger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

My entire point of my post is that our MC friends seem happier. My kids are still young. It is only natural to want your kids to do equal or better than you. I wonder if we would be happier living in a MC neighborhood where people are less motivated and generally more content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

So the PP is right—the problem is you and your living in an area surrounded by people just like you.

I get it though, it’s exhausting and I want off the umc dmv hamster wheel. Unfortunately DH wants to stay here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

So the PP is right—the problem is you and your living in an area surrounded by people just like you.

I get it though, it’s exhausting and I want off the umc dmv hamster wheel. Unfortunately DH wants to stay here.

I just noticed your post wondering if you would be happier living in a MC area— IMO if it’s still in dmv, then probably not. There’s no escaping the pressure cooker types here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

My entire point of my post is that our MC friends seem happier. My kids are still young. It is only natural to want your kids to do equal or better than you. I wonder if we would be happier living in a MC neighborhood where people are less motivated and generally more content.

How can you just make a sweeping generalization about MC being happier than UMC. It’s absurd. Happiness is a state of mind and it doesn’t depend on your socioeconomic status. Now maybe you’ll be less insecure if you live amongst MC people so I don’t think the problem is UMC being unhappy. The problem is you being insecure around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

My entire point of my post is that our MC friends seem happier. My kids are still young. It is only natural to want your kids to do equal or better than you. I wonder if we would be happier living in a MC neighborhood where people are less motivated and generally more content.

People in middle class are motivated. Middle class has so many professions, teachers, government employees, lawyers, small business owners, tradespeople, accountants plus more than I can think of.

Maybe there’s a certain type of people who choose the $4 million dollar homes and their thinking is they can pay to make their children whatever they want them to be. High salary people who still have money problems because they’re always worried about driving the newest car, updating their homes, vacations to brag about, way too many tutors so they can brag about GPAs. Six figure private schools for two kids. Those certain types probably argue about money and pressure their kids because they sunk so much money into a sport or math school. They want a return on their investments.

If that’s your neighborhood I guess it would be hard to just be content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

Every generation says this. When the current students are 50 they’ll tell their kids that they wouldn’t get in nowadays. So who’s getting in?

[Anonymous]

Your kids don’t have to go to competitive colleges either. That’s what is so great about your situation. You can choose AND afford your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

My entire point of my post is that our MC friends seem happier. My kids are still young. It is only natural to want your kids to do equal or better than you. I wonder if we would be happier living in a MC neighborhood where people are less motivated and generally more content.

If you find this magical place and move there with these assumptions about your neighbors, no one will like you and you’ll be unhappy again.