co-parenting with a verbally abusive ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important to always always always blame the mother for abuse

Failure to protect. She interacts with the court, the child cannot.

There's no evidence the ex abuses the child, and if the mother is just being verbally abused, there's nothing the courts would do about custody.

He is an addict in her description and that entails safety concerns. Also someone carrying on like that outside a door (is it an apt or house, OP?) has anger management issues. DV to one does not mean Mr. Rogers with everyone else.

OP did not tell us much about the child's situation.

Have you interacted with the court system wrt an addict of any kind, when the addict hasn't been involved with the police? Nothing happens. No drug testing, no breathalyzers get ordered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you do the exchange in public or with a neutral 3rd party?

Can you negotiate with him about moving? Tell him that you’ll make sure he gets some visitation time if he moves?

You can do hand offs at the police station. No need for him to come to your home. I'd get a parenting app ordered so he is not texting you either. Have you spoken to your lawyer about these episodes and his addiction issues?

How does one get the court to order a parenting app? What actions have to be shown to require it?

She says she has texts where he goes on a tirade, which would hopefully be enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If something happens on his time and OP has done nothing to document, CPS may come at her for failure to protect. Not saying court WILL but if she does NOTHING it is considered negligence by HER. Have seen it.

OP has not been back to tell us how he treats the child or what he is addicted to...

Why is it pertinent what he's addicted to? How would that change anything?

Also, frankly, I wouldn't expect OP to be back, given how trash this thread has attracted, and how much blaming the victim is happening.

Meth v alcohol for instance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If something happens on his time and OP has done nothing to document, CPS may come at her for failure to protect. Not saying court WILL but if she does NOTHING it is considered negligence by HER. Have seen it.

OP has not been back to tell us how he treats the child or what he is addicted to...

Why is it pertinent what he's addicted to? How would that change anything?

Also, frankly, I wouldn't expect OP to be back, given how trash this thread has attracted, and how much blaming the victim is happening.

While it isn’t her fault, it IS her responsibility. She is the only person who can do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If something happens on his time and OP has done nothing to document, CPS may come at her for failure to protect. Not saying court WILL but if she does NOTHING it is considered negligence by HER. Have seen it.

OP has not been back to tell us how he treats the child or what he is addicted to...

Why is it pertinent what he's addicted to? How would that change anything?

Also, frankly, I wouldn't expect OP to be back, given how trash this thread has attracted, and how much blaming the victim is happening.

While it isn’t her fault, it IS her responsibility. She is the only person who can do anything.

She actually has no power over his addiction, and likely has no ability through the courts to do anything preventive if he hasn’t physically harmed the child or done anything continuously and seriously neglectful. (And particularly if there is no external record of his addiction.). She actually can’t do anything until he actually gets a DUI or harms the child or physically threatens her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If something happens on his time and OP has done nothing to document, CPS may come at her for failure to protect. Not saying court WILL but if she does NOTHING it is considered negligence by HER. Have seen it.

OP has not been back to tell us how he treats the child or what he is addicted to...

Why is it pertinent what he's addicted to? How would that change anything?

Also, frankly, I wouldn't expect OP to be back, given how trash this thread has attracted, and how much blaming the victim is happening.

Meth v alcohol for instance

Again, aside from the type of testing, what difference does it make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you do the exchange in public or with a neutral 3rd party?

Can you negotiate with him about moving? Tell him that you’ll make sure he gets some visitation time if he moves?

You can do hand offs at the police station. No need for him to come to your home. I'd get a parenting app ordered so he is not texting you either. Have you spoken to your lawyer about these episodes and his addiction issues?

How does one get the court to order a parenting app? What actions have to be shown to require it?

She says she has texts where he goes on a tirade, which would hopefully be enough.

Enough for what? On what basis can she file a court order?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If something happens on his time and OP has done nothing to document, CPS may come at her for failure to protect. Not saying court WILL but if she does NOTHING it is considered negligence by HER. Have seen it.

OP has not been back to tell us how he treats the child or what he is addicted to...

Why is it pertinent what he's addicted to? How would that change anything?

Also, frankly, I wouldn't expect OP to be back, given how trash this thread has attracted, and how much blaming the victim is happening.

Meth v alcohol for instance

Again, aside from the type of testing, what difference does it make?

Well, smoking meth in a house literally makes the house unsafe. Literally those chemicals get into the walls and floors. Places have been condemned bc of it. Alcohol doesn’t do that.

[Anonymous]

Get started now because the courts take a long time. Tell your ex you want to select a public place for exchanges moving forward and for all communication to be strictly through the app because of his verbal outbursts toward you, which is not good for your child. If he refuses, file for modification.

[Anonymous]

I’m no expert, but it seems like smoking meth in a house can contaminate it, but not as much as manufacture. It can also be absorbed by the skin and young kids also tend to put things in their mouths. It’s not clear that there’s a LOT of contamination, but who wants to take that risk with a child?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6926576/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't the mother matter at all?

Yes, the child matters, but they aren't the only person that matters. If the mother is being abused, that impacts the child. If the mother is going 'numb', that matters.

But also the mother matters in her own right.

Are you the op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't the mother matter at all?

Yes, the child matters, but they aren't the only person that matters. If the mother is being abused, that impacts the child. If the mother is going 'numb', that matters.

But also the mother matters in her own right.

Are you the op?

DP, but it's telling that the thread got moved from something defining the relationship of the mother to the ex (relationships) to something defining the mother only in relation to the child (Parenting--Special Concerns).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't the mother matter at all?

Yes, the child matters, but they aren't the only person that matters. If the mother is being abused, that impacts the child. If the mother is going 'numb', that matters.

But also the mother matters in her own right.

Are you the op?

DP, but it's telling that the thread got moved from something defining the relationship of the mother to the ex (relationships) to something defining the mother only in relation to the child (Parenting--Special Concerns).

It’s only telling because DCUM loves to attack moms. There’s a subset of mentally ill posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't the mother matter at all?

Yes, the child matters, but they aren't the only person that matters. If the mother is being abused, that impacts the child. If the mother is going 'numb', that matters.

But also the mother matters in her own right.

Are you the op?

DP, but it's telling that the thread got moved from something defining the relationship of the mother to the ex (relationships) to something defining the mother only in relation to the child (Parenting--Special Concerns).

It’s only telling because DCUM loves to attack moms. There’s a subset of mentally ill posters.

It's telling that the OP got reduced to only her relationship to her child, and nearly this entire thread is about how she has to protect the child. Moving the thread here just reinforces that she is only a mother.

It not like OP is getting saved from attack here.

[Anonymous]

You can ask to have parenting exchanges at the police station and all communication in an app like Our Family Wizard. You can also use AI (I like Grammarly) to draft your own texts to ensure the tone is not combative. I did both of these things for some time.