co-parenting with a verbally abusive ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Important to always always always blame the mother for abuse

Failure to protect. She interacts with the court, the child cannot.

[Anonymous]

Courts don’t care at all about addiction unless the addiction can be shown by an external party (not the wife) to physically harm the child.

It the ex has never had a DUI or something like that, there’s no proving it.

The OP just has to hope and pray when the ex has custody.

Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Parenting app like One Wizard
Public drop off, arrange for the kid to walk between cars

Do you have full legal? If he’s harassing you in a way that hinders parenting communication you can pursue that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Courts don’t care at all about addiction unless the addiction can be shown by an external party (not the wife) to physically harm the child.

It the ex has never had a DUI or something like that, there’s no proving it.

The OP just has to hope and pray when the ex has custody.

Ask me how I know.

+1

It's a long road via the legal system to show harm to the child. Basically, the child has to suffer before you can legally change things. There is little to no preventative action you can take.

[Anonymous]

OP, don’t engage in the arguments. He can’t yell at a locked door. There are no magic words to make him stop being like this. You have to use the system.

[Anonymous]

I mean I guess he COULD yell at a locked door, but he’ll run out of steam or have the police called on him eventually. That’s the REAL way to gray rock. Not standing there, repeating the same words like “leave. Please go.” YOU leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important to always always always blame the mother for abuse

Failure to protect. She interacts with the court, the child cannot.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Courts don’t care at all about addiction unless the addiction can be shown by an external party (not the wife) to physically harm the child.

It the ex has never had a DUI or something like that, there’s no proving it.

The OP just has to hope and pray when the ex has custody.

Ask me how I know.

+1

It's a long road via the legal system to show harm to the child. Basically, the child has to suffer before you can legally change things. There is little to no preventative action you can take.

Not always true. OP's child deserves for her to try to involve a CASA, get drug testing, etc.

[Anonymous]

If something happens on his time and OP has done nothing to document, CPS may come at her for failure to protect. Not saying court WILL but if she does NOTHING it is considered negligence by HER. Have seen it.

OP has not been back to tell us how he treats the child or what he is addicted to...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important to always always always blame the mother for abuse

Failure to protect. She interacts with the court, the child cannot.

There's no evidence the ex abuses the child, and if the mother is just being verbally abused, there's nothing the courts would do about custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If something happens on his time and OP has done nothing to document, CPS may come at her for failure to protect. Not saying court WILL but if she does NOTHING it is considered negligence by HER. Have seen it.

OP has not been back to tell us how he treats the child or what he is addicted to...

Why is it pertinent what he's addicted to? How would that change anything?

Also, frankly, I wouldn't expect OP to be back, given how trash this thread has attracted, and how much blaming the victim is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you do the exchange in public or with a neutral 3rd party?

Can you negotiate with him about moving? Tell him that you’ll make sure he gets some visitation time if he moves?

You can do hand offs at the police station. No need for him to come to your home. I'd get a parenting app ordered so he is not texting you either. Have you spoken to your lawyer about these episodes and his addiction issues?

How does one get the court to order a parenting app? What actions have to be shown to require it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important to always always always blame the mother for abuse

Failure to protect. She interacts with the court, the child cannot.

There's no evidence the ex abuses the child, and if the mother is just being verbally abused, there's nothing the courts would do about custody.

He is an addict in her description and that entails safety concerns. Also someone carrying on like that outside a door (is it an apt or house, OP?) has anger management issues. DV to one does not mean Mr. Rogers with everyone else.

OP did not tell us much about the child's situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If something happens on his time and OP has done nothing to document, CPS may come at her for failure to protect. Not saying court WILL but if she does NOTHING it is considered negligence by HER. Have seen it.

OP has not been back to tell us how he treats the child or what he is addicted to...

Why is it pertinent what he's addicted to? How would that change anything?

Yes, breathalyzer vs. drug testing for example.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't the mother matter at all?

Yes, the child matters, but they aren't the only person that matters. If the mother is being abused, that impacts the child. If the mother is going 'numb', that matters.

But also the mother matters in her own right.