When is it okay for rich people to spend money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on dcum are shockingly provincial and basically can’t handle anyone living differently in any way. They want to live in a homogenous neighborhood and social circle where everyone makes about the same, works about the same hours, has about the same mortgage and never deviates from their umc priorities.

This is 22207.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the talking about it that’s a problem. I don’t need to know you flew private and had a private chef and stayed in a mansion- just say you went to Hawaii. All anyone will ask is which island.

We are richer than most, maybe all our friends. I try to downplay our lifestyle. It sometimes doesn’t work. We have a seven figure income, have multiple homes, etc. We have friends who buy blemished cheap groceries or only do free activities for the kids. People will say we live in a mansion or crack rich jokes. I feel like I’m always the one hosting and making plans. I don’t get invited to the casual get togethers.

[Anonymous]

Income wise op has more in common with a person working to pay off their bad debt than Bezos. Op, I assume, is talking about maybe LMC judging UMC judging LUC judging UC...

This is just the nature of some people and it stems from a mix of feelings and insecurities but in my experience, they're just generally judgmental about everything. And it's always the judgmental types who ply you with questions so there is no vague "cool, what island?" It's "what hotel are you staying at?", "what will the kids be doing?"... I know a woman with an amazing career with some years at 7 figures, a second home and year round travel (some international) for work. She is the most vocally judgmental about how others travel (their carbon footprint, the planet!!) and spend on school/camp/clothes/cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the talking about it that’s a problem. I don’t need to know you flew private and had a private chef and stayed in a mansion- just say you went to Hawaii. All anyone will ask is which island.

We are richer than most, maybe all our friends. I try to downplay our lifestyle. It sometimes doesn’t work. We have a seven figure income, have multiple homes, etc. We have friends who buy blemished cheap groceries or only do free activities for the kids. People will say we live in a mansion or crack rich jokes. I feel like I’m always the one hosting and making plans. I don’t get invited to the casual get togethers.

Nobody is crying for you, you poor little rich girl.

[Anonymous]

Is this really a complaint? Do you really want us to feel for you?

Rich people are so pathetic. It’s not enough that they’re rich, they also want to be loved.

[Anonymous]

Don't show too much on social media.

We are wealthy and are not on social media.
When asked questions about where we go or what we do, we answer.
But most of the time, our expenditure is not visible. It doesn't come in the form of particularly showy cars or expansive property, which is what most people notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of DCUM posts talk about how it is in poor taste for rich people to flaunt their money on nice houses, trips or the one I read recently, on a bar mitzvah.

We are rich. We try to teach our kids good values and humility. Certainly there are many things that they want that we don’t let them have.

But we have considerable money. We donate generously, volunteer our time generously and try to be good people.

If you aren’t rich, when and on what, in your opinion, is it okay for us to spend commensurately with our means?

Oh, OP, this is not your real question and not your real problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spend it on getting:

-a read on the room
-manners
-empathy
-lessons in ethical behavior
-hire a tutor on the economic theories of poverty that include reasons outside of the individual
-hire a new accountant who will stop the carried interest deduction you earn an start paying standard income tax on your income; start paying your taxes and stop paying for everything with your trust.

I could go on, but you’re not paying me.

DP
I think you should do #1 on your own list.

Uh, no, they are answering the question that was asked. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, perhaps spend some time thinking about why that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t assume that those with less money have some sort of moral or character flaw.

This.

And those with less money also shouldn't assume that those with have some sort of moral character flaw.

Won’t someone think of the wealthy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the talking about it that’s a problem. I don’t need to know you flew private and had a private chef and stayed in a mansion- just say you went to Hawaii. All anyone will ask is which island.

This. Also, if you can’t think of any other way to have an interesting conversation than to constantly insert comments on your spending, we probably won’t be friends anyway. But maybe your rich neighbor wants to hear it?

It’s harder than you think. We had a homeless family stay with us for a few months, and she was shocked that we had snacks in the cupboard, instead of just 3 meals (We have a lot because one kid needs expensive allergy-friendly food, but we can’t afford to have the whole family eat that way). She was shocked to see us buy in bulk. She was shocked that I had an envelope of money that misplaced. That would never, ever happen to her. I wasn’t sitting around talking about my shopping trips, but it seeps in.

We aren’t talking about a homeless family. You can really can’t just converse about normal things other than money? Talk about your kids, your family, your job, places you’ve visited, books you’ve read, etc. If you can’t do this without inserting the exorbitant cost of everything then I can’t help you.

These are topics full of wealth signifiers, you stifling little person. That is the PP’s point. You don’t object to talking about spending. You just feel panic whenever anyone you see as a peer is living a different life.

No. Someone with a proper upbringing knows how to discuss these things without bragging, even under the radar. I’m sorry your parents didn’t teach you this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't show too much on social media.

We are wealthy and are not on social media.
When asked questions about where we go or what we do, we answer.
But most of the time, our expenditure is not visible. It doesn't come in the form of particularly showy cars or expansive property, which is what most people notice.

Not only that, but research and statistics show that most truly wealthy people don’t actually spend it on those things. Those are “big hat, no cattle” things.

[Anonymous]

Not rich but if I get rich I will spend on whatever I want and won’t care what others think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the resentment comes from seeing people who apparently have no other real personality traits or depth of character outside of having money to spend. Particularly in this area, they just have no other things to talk about, other than how they're spending it. Every single activity revolves around something that requires $$$ to even participate in. Maybe it's just an east coast big city thing. I do have some friends that are actually truly wealthy but they're otherwise normal and live beneath their means. A certain depth of character that comes from working in more economically cyclical industries, perhaps. The money/dbag spigot around here is always on full blast though. I'm sure you're a good person OP!

It’s just DC. There are wealthy people in all big cities and in many non urban areas. I am from NYC and at least 90% of my friends are 1%ers. Only in DC enclaves do I see the level of shallowness (and also, classism) where everything is about aggressively spending money and talking about spending money as an end in itself.

My wealthiest NY friends have tons of money in the bank and live nice lives but they talk about ideas. They don’t socialize exclusively around social climbing and showing off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the talking about it that’s a problem. I don’t need to know you flew private and had a private chef and stayed in a mansion- just say you went to Hawaii. All anyone will ask is which island.

Honestly, why is it a problem? I don’t get it. Are people so insecure that they are uncomfortable seeing people spending their money?

I think a lot of it is related to how some people got very, very rich by oppressing others. For example, Amazon is famously terrible to work for, yet Jeff Bezos was the wealthiest man in the world before he got divorced. He could pay his workers more or allow them reasonable bathroom breaks, but he chose to make more money for himself and his shareholders, who didn’t actually work for those profits, they just had enough money to invest. The people in the table working conditions did not have the money to invest, so in order to eat, they need to take the terrible job. That’s where resentment comes into play. Companies exist to make profit for their owners and investors, who may not live in America.

Compare this to Germany. By law, companies are required to reserve one seat on the board for a worker representative. Companies exist to provide goods or services to the community, as well employment opportunities. Investors are a third consideration, but they don’t steer the boat.

It’s weird how many people on DCUM demonize anyone that becomes extremely successful (outside of sports / entertainment). I doubt the poster above would find anyone on the Forbes 500 wealthiest list to not be oppressing.

Maybe this is a result of too many government or NPO workers that have no concept of how the world works.

[Anonymous]

I'm not bothered at all by what rich people spend or if some purchase or trip comes up in conversation. The only thing that bothers me is comments like everyone must go to grad school/top 10 school (when they have overflowing 529s or family paying). Or I can't imagine living without/ understand how people can live without <an obvious luxury that I can never have>. Or how could anyone stay at the Holiday Inn?

It's not what they do or buy or even that it comes up in conversation, it's the entitlement that's looking down on me and millions of other people at the same time. I know rich people who do this and other rich people where I still feel like an equal even though they have or or do way more expensive stuff.

Either way, it's more the whole of who they are and how the money/consumption does or doesn't define their own worth to themselves, which then spills put into words and actions, that I think males the difference.