This thread reminds me of a Star Trek the Next Generation episode, titled "Tapestry." Captain Picard (Sir Patrick Stewart) is given an opportunity to time-travel back to his youth and make different decisions, but then it changes his present and future. He chose to avoid getting in to a bar fight in his youth, and then he travels back to the present to find out he is no longer a Captain and he now has a safe, boring job on his ship where he won't get noticed and will never get promoted. Also, this episode came out 31 years ago, so I'm clearly middle-aged now.
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Tapestry_(episode) |
I read and watch a ton of books/videos on near-death experiences--it brings me peace when I am in a headspace of regret.
Links UVA School of Medicine https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/our-research/near-death-experiences-ndes/ https://www.brucegreyson.com/about/ https://www.nderf.org/ https://www.youtube.com/@cominghomechannel https://iands.org/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_Long I also know people in my personal life who have had near-death experiences. They didn't have a book to sell me, a website to promote or research to fund. Also, when I view events of my life symbolically ---I spot all sorts of beautiful coincidences around me and deeper meanings that weave the regrets and successes of my life into a beautiful, imperfect tapestry. Peace. |
Is the OP ruminating or just thinking, daydreaming? Maybe it's typical for the age and current life circumstances of the OP or maybe it's an active imagination. For example, OP mentioned thinking what if they had become a doctor and imagines what that life would have been like. That doesn't necessarily mean they hate their life or are having unhealthy thoughts. I read about an author, maybe Stephen King?, who uses "what if" in their story creation. What if X happens? And builds the story from there. |
This so resonates. My high school self would have been AMAZED at where I am now, my amazing spouse, nice home, fun and comfortable job. But I realize how limited my understanding of the world was when younger, and choices I made had impact on impact on my spouse and children (mostly that I followed a passion job rather than maximizing income, which means my spouse is stuck in a job they really don't like, and my kids likely will need loans for college). I think when you are younger, you think you have time to pivot or improve things, but now at 48 my options for changing my life are so limited or would be extremely disruptive for my family. And I have had health scares, and mortality seems even closer (and to be honest my parents died in my 30s, and I already started thinking about how to ensure my children would thrive without me -- but in my 40s it feels even more immediate), and that drains my motivation for somethings, like "why learn to play piano now if I'm going to be dead soon anyways"... OP's original post really resonated, I think many of us have these "what ifs"/near regrets at this age when the die is cast. The PP who says nothing is set in stone hasn't tried entering a new career field in their 50s or contemplated moving a teenager in the middle of high school just because the parent has midlife malaise? |
That episode dovetails nicely with the Inner Light episode where he lives an ENTIRE lifetime in his mind, with wife and children, on a doomed planet. He knows exactly what he gave up to live the Captain's life...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Inner_Light_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation) |
I’m a guy, but I get this line of thought. I’m an introvert, but pretty smart. Sometimes, I see my extroverted peers do their leadership thing in their executive position and think that I could do that. Why didn’t I do that? They’re no smarter than me. But then I think about keeping up that persona all the time, and I have to admit that it’s not me. Similarly, I have a friend who went to a prestigious college, got a medical degree and is doing great. But, he practices alongside doctors who went to state schools and who get paid the same as he. He’s bitter. He also knows people from college who are in the C-suite of BigTech, have lots of stock options, and are loaded. He says he could have been one of them. But, the reality is that he wouldn’t have been them because he never once considered tech. My takeaway is that it’s natural to take a midlife pulse on your life, and part of that is a comparison to others. It just is. Sometimes that leads to woulda, coulda, shoulda, but I’ve always found that none of those options were truly live options for me. Ever. All that leads me to think again about who I am, and what brought me to where I am. It makes me happier with my journey, and recenters me on what’s important to me. Finally, like OP, I have it pretty good, and I know many family and friends who have it worse. Divorce. Special needs child. So, I’m working on zooming out for the big picture, realizing what’s great about my life, and practicing gratitude. I know, it sounds corny, but it does give me a sense of fulfillment (I have accomplished a lot), reminds me that the glass is half full, and that my next goals should be true to who I am. |