If a parent doesn't see their kids during their custody time, can they lose it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. As my lawyer said "it's a right but not an obligation."

Huh? This parent is flaking out almost entirely on their custody time. It’s absolutely the basis for the other parent to make a strong argument to get more custody. Not sole custody (as in zero time for othet parent) but certainly most days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg the kid is being left with their family, not crackheads. Be thankful family is stepping in, be grateful that the kid is loved. I do not understand your thinking behind taking the other parent to court.

Because the other parent is showing they have minimal interest in parenting. What if the relatives change their mind? What happens when the kid gets older and needs an actually stable home with their belongings there? Essentially having your child couchsurf with relatives during your custody time is not an appropriate parenting plan. Such a parent deserves to have their custody time minimized and a court would do so.

The more important factor here is actually that the child be able to preserve relationships with the relatives who are stepping up like OP. So OP should be sure to reach out to the other parent and make clear they are not a threat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The family member can write on the custody agreement a right of first refusal.

Right of first refusal in child custody agreements commonly means that one parent must first offer the other parent the opportunity to look after their children before contacting a babysitter or another family member to care for the kids.

I feel like ROFR is fine for things that come up in advance, but using it multiple times a week would be exhausting. One parent has to keep the kids available at those times, and also be available to pick up, rather than being able to plan for that time. Plus they’d need to pay child support for time that isn’t taken.

ROFR would result in the kid basically spending 100% of time with the responsible parent, a tacit admission by all that the other parent is uninterested in parenting. It would possibly be a gentle and non-confrontational way to handle the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg the kid is being left with their family, not crackheads. Be thankful family is stepping in, be grateful that the kid is loved. I do not understand your thinking behind taking the other parent to court.

No. Are you a divorced parent? Sounds like you are not. Or if you are, you're the lazy, uninterested parent in the equation.

The child spending some time with extended family on both sides is just fine, even a certain amount of time weekly. But being dumped on and passed between various extended family like a game of hot potato during the *majority* of the time the child is supposed to be with the *parent* is not appropriate. That scenario would most certainly call for an adjustment in custody time. It would not result in the uninterested parent losing custody at this point.

Are you saying it would or wouldn’t lead to a reduction in parenting time?

— OP

It *would* lead to a reduction in parenting time for the parent who is unloading the child onto others for the majority or all of that parent's custody/parenting time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg the kid is being left with their family, not crackheads. Be thankful family is stepping in, be grateful that the kid is loved. I do not understand your thinking behind taking the other parent to court.

No. Are you a divorced parent? Sounds like you are not. Or if you are, you're the lazy, uninterested parent in the equation.

The child spending some time with extended family on both sides is just fine, even a certain amount of time weekly. But being dumped on and passed between various extended family like a game of hot potato during the *majority* of the time the child is supposed to be with the *parent* is not appropriate. That scenario would most certainly call for an adjustment in custody time. It would not result in the uninterested parent losing custody at this point.

Are you saying it would or wouldn’t lead to a reduction in parenting time?

— OP

It *would* lead to a reduction in parenting time for the parent who is unloading the child onto others for the majority or all of that parent's custody/parenting time.

OK, you also wrote that it would not lead to the parent losing custody, which is why I was confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg the kid is being left with their family, not crackheads. Be thankful family is stepping in, be grateful that the kid is loved. I do not understand your thinking behind taking the other parent to court.

No. Are you a divorced parent? Sounds like you are not. Or if you are, you're the lazy, uninterested parent in the equation.

The child spending some time with extended family on both sides is just fine, even a certain amount of time weekly. But being dumped on and passed between various extended family like a game of hot potato during the *majority* of the time the child is supposed to be with the *parent* is not appropriate. That scenario would most certainly call for an adjustment in custody time. It would not result in the uninterested parent losing custody at this point.

Are you saying it would or wouldn’t lead to a reduction in parenting time?

— OP

It *would* lead to a reduction in parenting time for the parent who is unloading the child onto others for the majority or all of that parent's custody/parenting time.

OK, you also wrote that it would not lead to the parent losing custody, which is why I was confused.

Yes, it would lead to a reduction in parenting time, but not elimination of parenting time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg the kid is being left with their family, not crackheads. Be thankful family is stepping in, be grateful that the kid is loved. I do not understand your thinking behind taking the other parent to court.

No. Are you a divorced parent? Sounds like you are not. Or if you are, you're the lazy, uninterested parent in the equation.

The child spending some time with extended family on both sides is just fine, even a certain amount of time weekly. But being dumped on and passed between various extended family like a game of hot potato during the *majority* of the time the child is supposed to be with the *parent* is not appropriate. That scenario would most certainly call for an adjustment in custody time. It would not result in the uninterested parent losing custody at this point.

Are you saying it would or wouldn’t lead to a reduction in parenting time?

— OP

It *would* lead to a reduction in parenting time for the parent who is unloading the child onto others for the majority or all of that parent's custody/parenting time.

OK, you also wrote that it would not lead to the parent losing custody, which is why I was confused.

Yes, it would lead to a reduction in parenting time, but not elimination of parenting time.

DP. Yes. This can be confusing. It IS very hard for a parent to lose custody altogether and have zero visitation time. But a court definitely would order that a parent like this have much reduced custody time, even just 2 weekends/month or a night a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg the kid is being left with their family, not crackheads. Be thankful family is stepping in, be grateful that the kid is loved. I do not understand your thinking behind taking the other parent to court.

No. Are you a divorced parent? Sounds like you are not. Or if you are, you're the lazy, uninterested parent in the equation.

The child spending some time with extended family on both sides is just fine, even a certain amount of time weekly. But being dumped on and passed between various extended family like a game of hot potato during the *majority* of the time the child is supposed to be with the *parent* is not appropriate. That scenario would most certainly call for an adjustment in custody time. It would not result in the uninterested parent losing custody at this point.

Are you saying it would or wouldn’t lead to a reduction in parenting time?

— OP

It *would* lead to a reduction in parenting time for the parent who is unloading the child onto others for the majority or all of that parent's custody/parenting time.

OK, you also wrote that it would not lead to the parent losing custody, which is why I was confused.

Yes, it would lead to a reduction in parenting time, but not elimination of parenting time.

DP. Yes. This can be confusing. It IS very hard for a parent to lose custody altogether and have zero visitation time. But a court definitely would order that a parent like this have much reduced custody time, even just 2 weekends/month or a night a week.

OP here,

We're in MD where shared physical custody is defined as each party having at least 25% of overnights. If a parent has their children less than 25% of nights, then it's considered visitation. To me, it seems reasonable that the parent would lose physical custody (dropping below 25% of overnights), but keep some overnights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg the kid is being left with their family, not crackheads. Be thankful family is stepping in, be grateful that the kid is loved. I do not understand your thinking behind taking the other parent to court.

No. Are you a divorced parent? Sounds like you are not. Or if you are, you're the lazy, uninterested parent in the equation.

The child spending some time with extended family on both sides is just fine, even a certain amount of time weekly. But being dumped on and passed between various extended family like a game of hot potato during the *majority* of the time the child is supposed to be with the *parent* is not appropriate. That scenario would most certainly call for an adjustment in custody time. It would not result in the uninterested parent losing custody at this point.

Are you saying it would or wouldn’t lead to a reduction in parenting time?

— OP

It *would* lead to a reduction in parenting time for the parent who is unloading the child onto others for the majority or all of that parent's custody/parenting time.

OK, you also wrote that it would not lead to the parent losing custody, which is why I was confused.

Yes, it would lead to a reduction in parenting time, but not elimination of parenting time.

DP. Yes. This can be confusing. It IS very hard for a parent to lose custody altogether and have zero visitation time. But a court definitely would order that a parent like this have much reduced custody time, even just 2 weekends/month or a night a week.

OP here,

We're in MD where shared physical custody is defined as each party having at least 25% of overnights. If a parent has their children less than 25% of nights, then it's considered visitation. To me, it seems reasonable that the parent would lose physical custody (dropping below 25% of overnights), but keep some overnights.

Yes that seems like it’s possible. The point is that they will retain some legal entitlement to spend time with the child.

But a word of advice. I don’t know what you are hoping for or think the best thing will be, but even very dysfunctional parents often want to perceive themselves as good parents and love their kids. So everything should be framed to the parent as positively as possible: not “you are going to lose physical custody” but “seems like maybe one weekend a month and one dinner a week might be good? You’ll get to spend quality time with the girls!”