Why do some women think it's acceptable to get engaged without a ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and another friend got "engaged" recently. None of them had rings and in the case of my sister, there was not even a proposal, just her and the guy agreeing on a date to get married later this year. I feel like it sets the bar very low for their partners and it's not something women should be ok with. My husband too popped the question without one and it felt incredibly informal, as if he wasn't serious about getting married. I told him that a ring was important to me and he popped the question again a week later with a ring.

A ring doesn't even need to be expensive, there are many cute rings for less than $500. It's the symbolism behind it that's important. It doesn't seem that my friend and sister are being taken seriously by their men, but they look like they're ok with it which is baffling. Women should stop pretending to be cool girls and set higher standards for their partners.

This symbolism?

Anthropologists believe this tradition originated from a Roman custom in which wives wore rings attached to small keys, indicating their husbands’ ownership.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your husband

[Anonymous]

I have not worn my wedding band since I got pregnant with DC 17 years ago.
My engagement ring was stolen ten years ago. Neither of us ever thought it was worth replacing it.

Our marriage is very strong.

Life lesson: Different people care about different things.

[Anonymous]

They think it's acceptable because it is acceptable. Shocking news but: your opinions are not objective reality, no matter how deeply held.

[Anonymous]

You may be wrong, you may be right. Depends on the circumstances. I do think that a lot of men have been sort of gaslighting (not the right word but something like it) women into thinking that wanting some material symbol of commitment is materialistic and high-maintenance. Meanwhile they're lusting after sports cars, ha. These women are being a little bit pick-me.

But some are just bucking tradition and have a strong sense of self-worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and another friend got "engaged" recently. None of them had rings and in the case of my sister, there was not even a proposal, just her and the guy agreeing on a date to get married later this year. I feel like it sets the bar very low for their partners and it's not something women should be ok with. My husband too popped the question without one and it felt incredibly informal, as if he wasn't serious about getting married. I told him that a ring was important to me and he popped the question again a week later with a ring.

A ring doesn't even need to be expensive, there are many cute rings for less than $500. It's the symbolism behind it that's important. It doesn't seem that my friend and sister are being taken seriously by their men, but they look like they're ok with it which is baffling. Women should stop pretending to be cool girls and set higher standards for their partners.

This symbolism?

Anthropologists believe this tradition originated from a Roman custom in which wives wore rings attached to small keys, indicating their husbands’ ownership.

Well, and lipstick used to be a sign of prostitution. The symbolism of rings has evolved. - not OP

[Anonymous]

Isn’t it sad that OP is so emotionally tied up in the idea that engagements should be inherently about a gender power imbalance?

Isn’t it great that ops sister and her husband were equal partners in their decision to get married?

Op get a life.

[Anonymous]

Just re-watched Pride & Prejudice last night. Super romantic proposal. No ring. Sigh. I didn’t care about a ring-and while I got somewhat of a surprise proposal - it was more important to me that I got evidence not symbolism of my future DH’s commitment.

[Anonymous]

Because we are now raising women to give themselves away and expect nothing in return. Presumably, they’ll have to support their families while the husbands play video games and watch porn in a state of perpetual adolescence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just re-watched Pride & Prejudice last night. Super romantic proposal. No ring. Sigh. I didn’t care about a ring-and while I got somewhat of a surprise proposal - it was more important to me that I got evidence not symbolism of my future DH’s commitment.

Me thinks these engagements were not equivalent or similar to P&P, which I love as much as you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it sad that OP is so emotionally tied up in the idea that engagements should be inherently about a gender power imbalance?

Isn’t it great that ops sister and her husband were equal partners in their decision to get married?

Op get a life.

It’s actually about a power balance. Having to work and come up with a ring indicates he’ll work and support his family while his wife endures the ordeal of childbirth, etc. Your brand of feminism has ruined women’s lives. Women aren’t men.

[Anonymous]

I had a beautiful proposal with a gorgeous family heirloom ring full of symbolism. It didn’t stop my now-ex from cheating and lying throughout our marriage.

A ring is just pretty jewelry. It doesn’t say anything about commitment.

[Anonymous]

Because it is kind of old fashioned? Two adults should be able to make the decision to get married as a team. I don't have an engagement ring because that is what we did. We eloped and I have a wedding ring.

[Anonymous]

Not everybody wears rings. I got a beautiful ring from my husband which I rarely wear. It is just a piece of jewelry and I don't wear rings. Your sister and friend likely feel the money is best spent elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

DH told me he loved me and wanted to marry me pretty early on. It didn’t feel formal until he had a ring.

If they have a date, that is more important than an actual ring. In some lower SES, people seem to be engaged forever and never have a wedding. It feels the guy gave the woman a ring and is not actually committed or wants to get married.