Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

So yesterday while visiting my mom she just annouced (no preamble, not related to anything I think I've ever said) that if our family were starving, and would die of starvation, she would not be able to eat her two dogs to live. *WTF, mom.* I just asked if the cat would be fair game.

[Anonymous]

While watching my DD at gymnastics she notes that upper body strength is not good for gymnastics. Is she insane?

[Anonymous]

no, you are clearly neurotic and bordering persecutory delusions. you need meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no, you are clearly neurotic and bordering persecutory delusions. you need meds.

Maybe I'm just not as much of a planner as my mom seems to be.

[Anonymous]

OP again. It isn't the not being allowed to eat the dogs that is the WTF moment, it was that she just throw this out in mid-conversation about her Kindle.

[Anonymous]

"My pussy smells like a hamburger joint."

"You can't go out and drink yourself to death every time a turd comes out sideways."

[Anonymous]

My mom says lots of crazy shit. Here's a fun one:

We were in my sister's small Southern town for a graduation. There is a very large Catholic church in the center of this small Bible-belt town, so I asked my sister the history of the church. Just making conversation in the car, a little curious, etc.

My mom perks up and says "It's for all of the Mexicans".

To which my sister, trying to actually give an answer, says "We actually don't have a large Latino population here"

My mom's reply: "Then who works your fields??"

She was genuinely asking.

Of course now we ask that to each other a lot - "who works your fields??"

[Anonymous]

My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

She definitely has eyesight issues, too.

[Anonymous]

I should've know you'd know where to find the boys and the booze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

I feel like it'd be a bit of an understatement to say my mom's a racist.

this cracked me up.

[Anonymous]

No wire hangers, ever!

[Anonymous]

"I think your brother's fiancee is a gypsy."
"A gypsy?"
"Yes, her name is Romana."
"She's Brazilian. And you are thinking of the ROMA. That is what they are referred to, not gypsies."
"Oh, well, she's very pretty!"

[Anonymous]

Mom: "Oh! So you breastfeed!"

Me: Yes. Both times for one year each

Mom: "Oh. That's some white people shit!"

Me:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom: "Oh! So you breastfeed!"

Me: Yes. Both times for one year each

Mom: "Oh. That's some white people shit!"

Me:

The last line was supposed to be Me: