OP here—we only have three families in the neighborhood attending our elementary school. The other two families/moms present at the gathering and us. Other families are empty nesters or in middle school/high school/home school and privates. |
+1000 |
OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS. |
Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you? |
I have not read this long string but I’m surprised no one from the lunch group has posted here? Maybe they have. It’s terrible to feel excluded but it’s going to happen. My kids are teenagers. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more circumspect about it. Sometimes I’m excluded (still feels terrible) sometimes I’m inadvertently doing the excluding (also feels pretty awful)! Best to avoid doing the latter and accept that the former happens to everyone from time to time. Find your people (which can take time) and it won’t sting as much when it does. |
How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this? You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong. Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"? |
This is where I land. There is a bit of a mom clique at my DD's elementary. They were pretty cold to me initially but as my DD became friends with their kids, they started extending invites. But the truth is, I don't want my social circle to be so closely tied to my DD's. I also don't like to just socialize with coworkers. I'm friendly and pleasant with people both places, but decline most invites and my close friendships are with old friends I've known since before kids and most don't work in my industry. Part of the reason why is that I think these communities are more susceptible to these kinds of dynamics, with someone getting left out, or feeling left out, and then there's awkwardness or drama. I don't like that feeling if being unsure of my friendships, or like I need to work to maintain my role in a group. I didn't like that those other moms only became interested in me as a friend after our DD's became friends, for instance. That's a weird metric for deciding if you want to be friends with someone, IMO. |
Be sure to report back in the bus stop interactions this morning, OP! |
You’re weirdly worked up about one person’s comment. Take a break from the thread if you’re taking it that personally. |
Nope, not worked up, just baffled by the commitment to the idea that OP is unreasonable here. I've never been in OP's exact position but I get why it was awkward and weird and didn't immediately jump to the conclusion she is overreacting. |
Well, you seem oddly invested in the idea that these women went out of their way to exclude OP because she, along with many other schools parents, wasn’t invited. OP never did say if she was planning to invite every one of these women to the event she is planning at the same winery. |
The issue is with the insistence that OP, or anyone really, was being deliberately and actively “excluded”. It sounds like she’s just not in this group of friends. People are allowed to have friends, and to do things with their friends, without extending invitations to every acquaintance they all happen to know. |
I am predicting that OP is White. This level of entitlement ... |
There are millions of people in this area. Don't get hung up on this stuff. Host your own get together if you want. |
It wouldn’t. I actually think it is delusional to be bothered by this. No one did anything wrong or weird, except OP |