Interested to check out Chabad - but not sure I'd be welcomed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Just wanted to provide an update..

I reached out to my closest Chabad synagogue and asked about Hebrew School. The Rabbi said any child can participate in the school. He then asked if my child has any experience with Hebrew and I said no

He said he'd need to speak with his wife, who I assume is a teacher at the school, and ask her if my child would be okay to join mid-year. His concern was that coming in with no knowledge could be detrimental to my child and just throw off the rhythm of the other children.

I said I understand, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

That was three days ago so I don't think we'll be trying to get involved there any further.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but my understanding was that it would be a quick and simple question to ask and then he'd let me know.

I obviously explained that I am not Jewish, and then he said they wouldn't be able to perform any Jewish rituals because they don't believe my children are Jewish - okay, fine.

But I feel like I'm being given the cold shoulder here? I feel like it shouldn't take days to just simply get back with me?

I don't think I'm even going to follow up if I don't hear anything. You get vibes from people and I don't think they're interested in non-Jews getting involved.

Oh well. Now I know!

I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. It was considerate of you to be honest about your/your kids' halachic status and the rabbi could have done you the courtesy of being up front in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Just wanted to provide an update..

I reached out to my closest Chabad synagogue and asked about Hebrew School. The Rabbi said any child can participate in the school. He then asked if my child has any experience with Hebrew and I said no

He said he'd need to speak with his wife, who I assume is a teacher at the school, and ask her if my child would be okay to join mid-year. His concern was that coming in with no knowledge could be detrimental to my child and just throw off the rhythm of the other children.

I said I understand, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

That was three days ago so I don't think we'll be trying to get involved there any further.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but my understanding was that it would be a quick and simple question to ask and then he'd let me know.

I obviously explained that I am not Jewish, and then he said they wouldn't be able to perform any Jewish rituals because they don't believe my children are Jewish - okay, fine.

But I feel like I'm being given the cold shoulder here? I feel like it shouldn't take days to just simply get back with me?

I don't think I'm even going to follow up if I don't hear anything. You get vibes from people and I don't think they're interested in non-Jews getting involved.

Oh well. Now I know!

You had suggested to us that you were interested in conversion. Approaching as someone who wants to be part of the community is different than declaring you are outside the community but hoping to drop in as a tourist?

Yes, I am interested in finding a synagogue who provides sponsorship for conversion.

I never brought up my interest in conversion to the Chabad Rabbi as I know they don't get involved with conversions.

I was hoping, though, that my children, even as patrilineal Jews, would be welcomed. I have heard so many stories of people saying their local (across the US) being welcoming.

However, I know they are basically run independently so not every place operates the same or has the same level of openness.

[Anonymous]

OP here.. forgot to include the words "Chabad houses"

So should read:

"I have heard so many stories of people saying their local (across the US) Chabad houses being welcoming."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Just wanted to provide an update..

I reached out to my closest Chabad synagogue and asked about Hebrew School. The Rabbi said any child can participate in the school. He then asked if my child has any experience with Hebrew and I said no

He said he'd need to speak with his wife, who I assume is a teacher at the school, and ask her if my child would be okay to join mid-year. His concern was that coming in with no knowledge could be detrimental to my child and just throw off the rhythm of the other children.

I said I understand, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

That was three days ago so I don't think we'll be trying to get involved there any further.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but my understanding was that it would be a quick and simple question to ask and then he'd let me know.

I obviously explained that I am not Jewish, and then he said they wouldn't be able to perform any Jewish rituals because they don't believe my children are Jewish - okay, fine.

But I feel like I'm being given the cold shoulder here? I feel like it shouldn't take days to just simply get back with me?

I don't think I'm even going to follow up if I don't hear anything. You get vibes from people and I don't think they're interested in non-Jews getting involved.

Oh well. Now I know!

I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. It was considerate of you to be honest about your/your kids' halachic status and the rabbi could have done you the courtesy of being up front in return.

I didn't mention my interest in conversion, however, I think I may have said I was taking an introductory class. We actually attended a different Chabad's public menorah lighting a few weeks ago. And I also attended an online zoom discussion that was about the war and the t3rror attacks leading up to it.

I don't want people to think that my idea was to just dump my kids and run. Quite the contrary! I want to get involved so that I can learn more.

I understand that Chabad is Orthodox, however, I was hoping that as my husband (who is Jewish but secular) and I would be joining events together that they would be, shall I say, a little more curious to indulge me? Ha.

Like I said, no big deal, you don't know until you ask and start feeling places out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Just wanted to provide an update..

I reached out to my closest Chabad synagogue and asked about Hebrew School. The Rabbi said any child can participate in the school. He then asked if my child has any experience with Hebrew and I said no

He said he'd need to speak with his wife, who I assume is a teacher at the school, and ask her if my child would be okay to join mid-year. His concern was that coming in with no knowledge could be detrimental to my child and just throw off the rhythm of the other children.

I said I understand, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

That was three days ago so I don't think we'll be trying to get involved there any further.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but my understanding was that it would be a quick and simple question to ask and then he'd let me know.

I obviously explained that I am not Jewish, and then he said they wouldn't be able to perform any Jewish rituals because they don't believe my children are Jewish - okay, fine.

But I feel like I'm being given the cold shoulder here? I feel like it shouldn't take days to just simply get back with me?

I don't think I'm even going to follow up if I don't hear anything. You get vibes from people and I don't think they're interested in non-Jews getting involved.

Oh well. Now I know!

I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. It was considerate of you to be honest about your/your kids' halachic status and the rabbi could have done you the courtesy of being up front in return.

I didn't mention my interest in conversion, however, I think I may have said I was taking an introductory class. We actually attended a different Chabad's public menorah lighting a few weeks ago. And I also attended an online zoom discussion that was about the war and the t3rror attacks leading up to it.

I don't want people to think that my idea was to just dump my kids and run. Quite the contrary! I want to get involved so that I can learn more.

I understand that Chabad is Orthodox, however, I was hoping that as my husband (who is Jewish but secular) and I would be joining events together that they would be, shall I say, a little more curious to indulge me? Ha.

Like I said, no big deal, you don't know until you ask and start feeling places out.

I think you should have discussed your family's intention to become fully Jewish. That's really what makes the difference, because so many interfaith families are looking for something they call "exposure" for their kids without intending for them to convert and join the Jewish community exclusively. I think you might have received a very different response had you discussed it this way. If you're intending to convert, you're only a non-Jew temporarily.

I am aware of converts within the Chabad movement as well as one person whose conversion was supervised by a Chabad rabbi. They wouldn't rule out helping you. You just didn't convince this rabbi that you are in earnest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chabad and Reform are very different, a weird choice as your top/only 2.

OP here.

I'm not fixated on any one particular denomination - I understand Chabad is Hasidic but they are known for their outreach, so I thought maybe they could help us all on our journey.

I mentioned Reform because as I understand it, they consider patrilineal Jews as Jews, unlike Conservative and traditional Orthodox.

So if we are not welcomed by Chabad, we'd try Reform next, I think.

Chabad is a cult OP

Not the right place for you and your family
Reform would be a better fit

Yes Chabad is welcoming it’s all a facade.



Jew here am me how I know.

[Anonymous]

You need to stick with a reformed congregation. Conservative, orthodox or Hasidic will not be welcoming. They will tolerate you but it's not going to be comfortable. There are some less formal groups that would be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, Chabad is always welcoming to everyone. But since you're not Jewish, they won't consider you or your children Jewish for religious/ritual purposes. So, you can participate in their programs, but they won't do a bar mitzvah for your kids when the time comes.

Is there a reason you feel drawn to Chabad? Have you looked into the Reform or non-Orthodox synagogues in your area?

OP here.

I think because I have heard how welcoming they are and how much outreach they do with the general public. My family attended a menorah lighting yesterday evening. I joined a zoom meeting a week ago (I think) that was discussing the war.

My mother-in-law was raised Conservative but stopped practicing in her 20s, so my husband and his siblings have little knowledge of anything Jewish.

I know Chabad would be all over him, so also hoping they'd view me as someone who is supportive, too, especially as I am taking a class and doing a lot of learning on my own. And that we want our kids to be exposed to Judaism, too.

Not against other denominations, I'm probably just anticipating perhaps they wouldn't be as open to a non-Jew? Could just be my own silliness at play, though!

Ok since your husband is Jewish (even if he's athiest/non practicing) I think you could actually try Chabad. If you had zero connection to Judiasm I think it would be weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Just wanted to provide an update..

I reached out to my closest Chabad synagogue and asked about Hebrew School. The Rabbi said any child can participate in the school. He then asked if my child has any experience with Hebrew and I said no

He said he'd need to speak with his wife, who I assume is a teacher at the school, and ask her if my child would be okay to join mid-year. His concern was that coming in with no knowledge could be detrimental to my child and just throw off the rhythm of the other children.

I said I understand, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

That was three days ago so I don't think we'll be trying to get involved there any further.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but my understanding was that it would be a quick and simple question to ask and then he'd let me know.

I obviously explained that I am not Jewish, and then he said they wouldn't be able to perform any Jewish rituals because they don't believe my children are Jewish - okay, fine.

But I feel like I'm being given the cold shoulder here? I feel like it shouldn't take days to just simply get back with me?

I don't think I'm even going to follow up if I don't hear anything. You get vibes from people and I don't think they're interested in non-Jews getting involved.

Oh well. Now I know!

I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. It was considerate of you to be honest about your/your kids' halachic status and the rabbi could have done you the courtesy of being up front in return.

I didn't mention my interest in conversion, however, I think I may have said I was taking an introductory class. We actually attended a different Chabad's public menorah lighting a few weeks ago. And I also attended an online zoom discussion that was about the war and the t3rror attacks leading up to it.

I don't want people to think that my idea was to just dump my kids and run. Quite the contrary! I want to get involved so that I can learn more.

I understand that Chabad is Orthodox, however, I was hoping that as my husband (who is Jewish but secular) and I would be joining events together that they would be, shall I say, a little more curious to indulge me? Ha.

Like I said, no big deal, you don't know until you ask and start feeling places out.

I think you should have discussed your family's intention to become fully Jewish. That's really what makes the difference, because so many interfaith families are looking for something they call "exposure" for their kids without intending for them to convert and join the Jewish community exclusively. I think you might have received a very different response had you discussed it this way. If you're intending to convert, you're only a non-Jew temporarily.

I am aware of converts within the Chabad movement as well as one person whose conversion was supervised by a Chabad rabbi. They wouldn't rule out helping you. You just didn't convince this rabbi that you are in earnest.

This. Judaism doesn't get a lot of converts so it throws people off. You should explained that your husband is Jewish and you are considering formal conversion for yourself and your children and want to start with hebrew school.

[Anonymous]

I posted above about doing things with Chabad but sticking with my Reform synagogue for services.

You may want to call the rabbi back. Since Jews don’t actively recruit other Jews, I’ve heard that rabbis initially seem disinterested (this is about conversion specifically) and respond after the person continues to ask to prove they are serious.

The rabbi has a good point about starting Hebrew school in the middle of the year. Maybe your kids could get tutored on what they missed and then join the class.

I’m honestly, though, not sure why you are trying so hard for Chabad when you will find many families like yourself at a Reform congregation. You will be welcomed whether or not you convert and your kids will be considered Jewish. My brother’s wife did not convert but has been raising my nieces Jewish and they each had a bat mitzvah with a Reform rabbi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chabad and Reform are very different, a weird choice as your top/only 2.

OP here.

I'm not fixated on any one particular denomination - I understand Chabad is Hasidic but they are known for their outreach, so I thought maybe they could help us all on our journey.

I mentioned Reform because as I understand it, they consider patrilineal Jews as Jews, unlike Conservative and traditional Orthodox.

So if we are not welcomed by Chabad, we'd try Reform next, I think.

Chabad is a cult OP

Not the right place for you and your family
Reform would be a better fit

Yes Chabad is welcoming it’s all a facade.



Jew here am me how I know.

Ignore this bigoted troll. Chabad is an Orthodox Jewish sect. They are open about what they do, and provide some of the best Judaica resources available , for free.

Like any group of people, some members are crazy or bad. There are some large insular groups in some cities.

You don't have to live like them, but they aren't trying to trick, coerce, or rob anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Just wanted to provide an update..

I reached out to my closest Chabad synagogue and asked about Hebrew School. The Rabbi said any child can participate in the school. He then asked if my child has any experience with Hebrew and I said no

He said he'd need to speak with his wife, who I assume is a teacher at the school, and ask her if my child would be okay to join mid-year. His concern was that coming in with no knowledge could be detrimental to my child and just throw off the rhythm of the other children.

I said I understand, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

That was three days ago so I don't think we'll be trying to get involved there any further.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but my understanding was that it would be a quick and simple question to ask and then he'd let me know.

I obviously explained that I am not Jewish, and then he said they wouldn't be able to perform any Jewish rituals because they don't believe my children are Jewish - okay, fine.

But I feel like I'm being given the cold shoulder here? I feel like it shouldn't take days to just simply get back with me?

I don't think I'm even going to follow up if I don't hear anything. You get vibes from people and I don't think they're interested in non-Jews getting involved.

Oh well. Now I know!

You're overreacting. They aren't proselytizing. They are practicing their religion seriously. You asked for information, and they gave you information.

Also, it was Hanukah week recently.

[Anonymous]

It would at least be professional courtesy for him to follow up with you, as he indicated he would. You got the feeling that you and your family weren’t good enough to be accepted or included, and that is supported by the fact the guy couldn’t even call you back and let you know what his wife said. Do you really want to be a member of an organization that treats people like that? Find someplace that cares about you and your family.

[Anonymous]

My dad was brought up Orthodox and didn't want that for his family. My parents raised us reform and at one point we went to a reconstructionist temple. I felt most welcome there.
Now my kids are at a Chabad. The program they attend is more like a Jewish kids club. That's fine with me but I was surprised to find that at Chabad. My kids love it and I love how it gets them around other Jewish children since there are not many at their school. The program feeds them dinner and they make Jewish based crafts. It is very affordable. That being said, I don't think I would feel comfortable going to service there and while I have attended a few other events, I don't feel super welcome and don't really know many of the congregation.
When my kids get older, we will probably enroll them in Hebrew School somewhere else. I have previously looked at joining a reformed synogage but it was pretty pricey. I think there are some places where you can just attend for the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Just wanted to provide an update..

I reached out to my closest Chabad synagogue and asked about Hebrew School. The Rabbi said any child can participate in the school. He then asked if my child has any experience with Hebrew and I said no

He said he'd need to speak with his wife, who I assume is a teacher at the school, and ask her if my child would be okay to join mid-year. His concern was that coming in with no knowledge could be detrimental to my child and just throw off the rhythm of the other children.

I said I understand, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

That was three days ago so I don't think we'll be trying to get involved there any further.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but my understanding was that it would be a quick and simple question to ask and then he'd let me know.

I obviously explained that I am not Jewish, and then he said they wouldn't be able to perform any Jewish rituals because they don't believe my children are Jewish - okay, fine.

But I feel like I'm being given the cold shoulder here? I feel like it shouldn't take days to just simply get back with me?

I don't think I'm even going to follow up if I don't hear anything. You get vibes from people and I don't think they're interested in non-Jews getting involved.

Oh well. Now I know!

You're overreacting. They aren't proselytizing. They are practicing their religion seriously. You asked for information, and they gave you information.

Also, it was Hanukah week recently.

People who practice their religion seriously, that’s a good way to put it.

People who take their religion seriously and practice their religion seriously should be treated with respect and supported in their beliefs and practices.

They have every right and entitlement to follow the rules and teachings of their religion. If others don’t like or agree with those beliefs and rules and practices, that’s of no consequence, because as Americans, we have a responsibility to protect and defend the right of religious people to practice their religion seriously. Well said.

I am glad to see someone who believes that religious people are not supposed to change their beliefs or actions because it makes others uncomfortable or feel like they don’t belong. Religion is serious, and strict adherence to the rules and traditions of the religion is necessary and should be respected.