Teachers who encourage student bullying

[Anonymous]

My DS is a young 7th grader (still 11). He has 13 even 14 year old classmates in his "hip" charter school, where there is a lot of emphasis on the importance of accepting everyone for who they are. The school also takes pride in calling themselves an extended family where everyone feels safe and welcome.

On Friday afternoon, I came home and found my DS in tears. I thought something had happened with the DC CAS yet again (classmates had called him stupid and brainless because he was the last to finish the test), but this time it was completely different. It seems that students had been teasing him for a while saying that the Titanic sank because his momma was in it. I am 47, a size 16-18, 5'5, a big woman considered overweight, but not obese according to my BMI. I have seen much bigger moms in the school. So when my DS finally tells, the teacher about the mean jokes, he just laughes and says it could not have happened because the Titanic sank 100 years ago, and that I don't seem to be over 100, or am I. And of course, to that comment, the class laughs more saying to my son that his momma is fat and old.

I emailed the principal and the academic coordinator on Friday afternoon, explaining briefly what had happened and asking them to look into this issue. It's been almost 4 days and I still have not heard from either lady.
I do not want to let go. What's the best thing to do in order to get a reaction from administration.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to the teacher

[Anonymous]

This one incident does not tell me the teacher encourages bullying. Shouldn't you at least talk to the teacher first before going over his head?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This one incident does not tell me the teacher encourages bullying. Shouldn't you at least talk to the teacher first before going over his head?

Previous emails (related to homework and other stuff) were always ignored.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I lol'd. But yeah, that was so wrong. But you know if this was DCPS I would say never yuse email as a first response. Go in and talk to people directly. Write down what happened on a piece of paper. Then when you present it to them, it takes some time for them to confirm what actually happened based on talking to other students. Then you can start emailing--but it's too late now. You've backed them into a corner.

[Anonymous]

OP,

This is such a ridiculous incident that the teacher could have nipped in the bud. FWIW, he's probably trying to be buddy-buddy with the kids and has issues with disciplining them. In our system, there is a strict protocol for observing and evaluating teachers. If you have enough evidence, this behavior can be documented and added to his performance evaluation.

Since your son seems to be the only "outlier," for lack of a better word, I would indeed ask for a conference WITH the teacher and principal, as this type of behavior is completely inappropriate and unprofessional.

He's a buffoon.

[Anonymous]

It's not acceptable that no one has gotten back to you in that length of time. I would call and request a meeting with the principal and the teacher.

[Anonymous]

the teacher's behavior, if true, is unacceptable. even if he tried to defuse the situation making fun at it, he should have talked to your child in private (and it would have still be wrong, because the teacher should have shown your son that he was taking your son's concerns seriously), not making fun of it in front of the class, ridiculing your son in front of his classmates and exposing your son to further teasing. go to the school and talk to the teacher and principal in person.

[Anonymous]

If there are sustained aggressive behaviors against your son making him feel uncomfortable or threatened in such a way that it interferes with his abilities to be successful at school, well then it is bullying and the administatIon must be notified. However, if it was a one time or even a seldom occurring event then it was probably a "yo' mama" joke which although tasteless may not rise to the level of chronic bullying. The teacher's response my have been an attempt to defuse the situation with simple logic thereby assuring you son that the titanic remark was ridiculous, while avoiding the class disruption that would have been created had he investigated the mean joke at that moment during is current lesson.

However, if you feel this real and sustained bullying, you need to walk in to the school's main office and insist on having a conversation with the principal. Teachers can only control what is happening in their classrooms and even at that theirs powers are limited. True sustained bullying occurs systemically in the classrooms, hallways, lunch rooms, gyms, locker rooms, etc. etc. Ultimately, the credit for ending bullying or the blame for allowing bullying to thrive in any school falls on the principal.

GL

[Anonymous]

The teacher's reaction was inappropriate.

Your son's reaction to the teasing by classmates - well it just illustrates how young he really is.

[Anonymous]

It's unfortunate but not uncommon at all.

For certain teachers, the classroom is the only place they feel in control. I tutor 2 students in the same school, and the same classroom. Recently, one of them got a "4" on her work (superior work), while the other only received a "2" (below grade level work).

This was a photo analysis activity, where there is no right or wrong answer. The photos were different but the way they were analyzed were quite similar to each other.
Tried to get an explanation from the teacher, t no avail.
It's her territory and she uses her power as she pleases.
So sad.

[Anonymous]

It's unfortunate but not uncommon at all.

For certain teachers, the classroom is the only place they feel in control. I tutor 2 students in the same school, and the same classroom. Recently, one of them got a "4" on her work (superior work), while the other only received a "2" (below grade level work).

This was a photo analysis activity, where there is no right or wrong answer. The photos were different but the way they were analyzed were quite similar to each other.
Tried to get an explanation from the teacher, t no avail.
It's her territory and she uses her power as she pleases.
So sad.

What a ridiculous post. Teachers are supposed to be in control in their classrooms and they're supposed to grade assignments. They don't owe a tutor an explanation of their grades and may not be allowed to discuss a kid's progress with anyone other than the parents. Nothing sad about it.

Threadjack over. I just hate dumb posts.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to judge this incident without more context. but I too would say there may well be two very different narratives here: A teacher encouraging bullying and ridiculing your child in front of others, or a teacher trying his/her best to teache you son a few funny life skills to shrug off taunting, of which there inevitably will be in 7th grade. In fact, in my DS's upper ES class, there now is a contest to find the worst slanders about "your momma", so much so, that my DH went online to find some really good ones to counter with...
Here they are if your son wants to read up some: http://www.thejokeyard.com/your_momma_jokes/index.html
I shrugged it off and my son shrugged it off, turning it into a something of a sports, but looking at your post I wonder if there are others on the receiving end who don't feel that way.

I do think you should talk to the teacher but with an open mind. I don't think the focus needs to be on him/her being accused but rather on solving the problem this poses to your son. If all you do is now go bully the teacher, then your son will just have learned one even more humiliating lesson, namely that he can't fend for himself even at that most basic level. There may be multiple sides to work on. The teacher needs to understand that what may have been meant as a joke (if it was) really didn't come across that way. Your son needs to stop taking things personally and he needs to stop worrying about his mom. He needs to develop skills to prevent, sidestep, fend off, and adequately report bullying. And his peers need a few lessons in empathy.

[Anonymous]

The worst part of this whole thing to me is that the administrators haven't replied. That would infuriate me. I would definitely get right on the phone and demand to speak to them. What are you waiting for? They are clearly not going to answer. I think you can assume after 1-2 days, that they have totally forgotten it. Be a pain in their butt. Sometimes that's the only thing that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's unfortunate but not uncommon at all.

For certain teachers, the classroom is the only place they feel in control. I tutor 2 students in the same school, and the same classroom. Recently, one of them got a "4" on her work (superior work), while the other only received a "2" (below grade level work).

This was a photo analysis activity, where there is no right or wrong answer. The photos were different but the way they were analyzed were quite similar to each other.
Tried to get an explanation from the teacher, t no avail.
It's her territory and she uses her power as she pleases.
So sad.

There should be transparency in grades. Teachers should be fair and treat every child equally, but this not always the case. My son comes home and says he is rarely acknowledged when he raises his hand. In most instances the teacher just says " I am busy" without even looking at him. It's so sad when a child comes home and says teachers pay attention to the kids who hae "important parents" ...