No help with #2... Now what?
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Anonymous
My mom just called saying her visa was denied. We have no family or friends in the country and #2 is due in 4 weeks. Now what? 
It was the same way the first time around... they denied her visa and somehow we survived bringing DC1 home and getting started at "parenthood". DH went back to work after 4 weeks (he travels for work) and somehow here we are, DH is home 3 days a week and away 4 days in a row. He's been interviewing for local jobs but no offers just yet. Please share with me what all you think will help us go through the first few weeks of adjustment as a family of 4... DH will be home for 3 weeks, DC1 will be 22 months old. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and plan to stick with what we did when #1 arrived: -Freeze meals ahead of time -Cleaning crew coming once a week taking care of everything including laundry -No visitors for the first few weeks -I have a mother's helper who can come after school to play with DD. She comes once a week now and I plan to have her over more often once #2 is here DC1 has the nursery and DC2 will be in the co-sleeper with us in the master bedroom. What can you tell me to help me feel better about doing this all alone? I'm so upset right now... 
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Anonymous
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that sounds really tough, i'm sorry!
maybe a postpartum doula? here's a list of some... http://www.birthoptionsalliance.org/postpartum-doulas.html if you go to the "expectant parents" forum and search archives, there are specific recommendations for postpartum doulas, baby nurses, etc. |
Anonymous
| I don't know, I don't think this is that unusual. We just sucked it up and did the best we could. Having the mother's helper to look forward to will really help, I would think. |
Anonymous
| You will do just fine if you DH is willing to really help. I'm a single mom and it was quite hard in the beginning but I managed. I let the cleaning go and threw in laundry whenever I got around to it. If people came to visit, I asked them to pick up stuff at the store for me. Nobody said no. I FF so I could get more than 2 hrs of sleep occasionally when a friend of family member could feed the baby so I could take a quick nap. |
Anonymous
| OP, most people do not have help. No family, no sitter, no nanny, no neighbor, nothing. Most people figure it out as they go. You will do just fine. |
Anonymous
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sign up for peapod grocery delivery
go to costco and stock up on toilet paper, paper towels, other household stuff you dont want to have to make a special trip to the store for once baby has arrived. |
Anonymous
| The hardest part will be your 21 month old. Is there a way to send your older child to preschool a few days a week? We didn't have help with DC1 or DC2, but DC1 is in preschool FT. DH was back at work after 2 weeks and it was tough. I also had awful PPD and other health issues. Not a pleasant time for us looking back on it. I think having a cleaning crew once a week - including laundry will be a luxury. But instead of a weekly cleaning crew for a 2 bedroom, send DC1 to preschool. We had a 3 level TH and did not have a cleaning crew come every week. |
Anonymous
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My friend has no family and had just a sitter. Her neighbors, who she thought were friends, tried calling my friends sitter behind my friends back. The sitter was not interested and did not like the neighbor family because the neighbor was sneaky, said the sitter. The neighbors have LOTS of family in the SAME neighborhood!!!!
The balls on some people. Good luck OP, You'll be fine. Just don't piss off the wrong people along the way. |
Anonymous
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My DH only took one week off for DC#2. DC#1 was in daycare so it was really not an issue. Can you try to find a part-time nanny share for the older child or hire a mother's helper? You should post at the career center at your local college. I have a friend who did this with great success.
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Anonymous
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I had a similar situation - same ages apart as well. I figured that my sanity was worth throwing a bit of money at (it's not forever). Get a babysitter/nanny for a few hours a day who is good enough to handle both kids. Sleep whenever you can.
In some ways, it's easier (if you can afford it, obviously) to pay someone rather than rely on family because you really don't feel bad about receiving the help and there's nothing attached to it. Good luck! |
Anonymous
WTF? 
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Anonymous
OP here. We do have a mother's helper. She'll come during the witching hour (after school for her, 4-7pm for us) to take DC1 to the park, feed DC dinner and eventually give DC a bath. Right now she comes once a week - that's when I deep clean the house. It works well, I talked to her and she's willing to come 4 days a week when DC2 comes along. I'll give the pre-school some thought. I didn't want to start now or around the due date because it will be a lot of transition for DC1 to go through. We're also potty training so there's some changes happening already. This is all so overwhelming... I was so sure my mom would get her visa this time around
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Anonymous
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On the upside, we found the transition to 2 much easier than 1. Admittedly our first was a bit of the constant attention required variety while #1 was a classic easy baby. But overall things went much, much smoother the 2nd time around.
but just be prepared for a bit of backsliding on that PT front. |
Anonymous
| i second the preschool idea. i had my kids 2.5 years apart, and was home with them both for about 10 months before my daughter started preschool at 3 years old. i work part time on a very erratic on-call schedule but otherwise was with them, and it was a lot of time being with a toddler and a baby. it's hard to find activities that work for everyone. in retrospect i do wish i would have had my daughter in school...i think it would have been good for her to have her own thing, and to get to do toddler things that were hard for me to do with her while having a newborn. best of luck, i know it's tough, and overwhelming to think about doing it on one's own. i know lots of us do it, but i think there's definitely something to be said for family help, and i can understand why you're nervous and disappointed about not having that. it's great you have the mother's helper and that you are thinking about this all in advance. best of luck! |
Anonymous
| Millions of women take care of two or more children every single day of the year and have no help. Why can't you do the same. The secret is to get organized and not to sweat the small stuff. Make sure they are fed, dry, clean, and loved. Everything else can wait. |