Not sure what I should, or shouldn't, do.

[Anonymous]

Yesterday the father of an old friend was murdered. I haven't seen this friend since I left my hometown ten years ago but to be fair I haven't seen a lot of friends since then. We are facebook friends and have been in contact for the last couple of years. I acknowledged her told her that she and her family were in my thoughts and prayers, as did all of her other FB friends, but I wonder if I should do anything else, maybe send her an Edible Arrangement or a card.

I just feel so bad that her father was taken so suddenly and brutally. He and his gf were stabbed to death

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear about this OP, I would send an edible arrangement or can you order the family a set of prepared meals from a meal delivery service?

[Anonymous]

That is horrible, OP.

My sensing that you "feel" like you should do more than just the facebook post. I think it would be nice to send something.

[Anonymous]

If you can't afford to send flowers or food, at the minimum send a card. But I think it would be nice to receive both.

[Anonymous]

OP, my BIL was murdered, so I speak from unfortunate experience. Anything you do will be appreciated but the best thing you can do is to stay in touch with her after the funeral. She is in shock now and will be for some time to come. She will be able to function and people will think she is fine, believe me, she isn't. She needs someone to listen to her because, just like cancer, there are five stages. It was almost a year before the police found who murdered my BIL and why. Please do not say to her that this is God's will and she will find out all she needs to know. Someone said this to me and I wanted to strangle her, instead I just screamed and screamed.

Send her a card or whatever now and then call every week for awhile and just let her talk. It was so important that I did have a couple of friends who did just let me talk, sob, and every week one of them would call or visit.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I will send her something now and in a few months from now as well as talk to her more often. I will also never say it's God's Will.

Thanks PP's.

[Anonymous]

OP, I second the recommendation to keep reaching out to your friend in the weeks and months to come. The first days and weeks after my husband died were horrible, no doubt. But i was protected from much of the pain by shock, being surrounded by people, and a long to-do list. It's only after everyone was gone that painful reality hit.Don't worry that you'll be causing her additional pain by bringing up her dad or noting milestone dates. Especially as time goes on and people go quiet, she will appreciate that someone remembered and reached out. Another thing: you might not hear back from her. Please don't assume she's okay or ignoring you

And don't worry about not having been in touch for so long.

[Anonymous]

My experience is in no way comparable to your friend's, but a long-ago friend of my, who had become little more than a name on FB, went through something awful. He and I really re-connected during and after. He said explicitly that finding old friends again was the silver lining of the terrible event.

[Anonymous]

bump

[Anonymous]

I think you should reach out in whatever way feels comfortable for you. Send whatever you can afford! I'd just be happy to know that someone was thinking of me at such a tough time.