How do I (nicely) tell DH that he stinks in bed?
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Anonymous
| So the situation is that we have a young daughter (almost 3) and for a while the sex was not that frequent, but I was really trying to turn it around - I was working out again regularly, getting my energy back up, all that. The problem is that there is literally nothing in it for me. He might have gotten used to me not being into it for a while, but I really did try to have a compassionate discussion that it needs to be more equal, that there are two of us (I did say this very diplomatically). He seemed to "hear" me but then nothing changed. He literally acts like he's the only one in the room, and the whole thing lasts about three minutes, start to finish. How in the world do I get through to him that I have no interest in being a human blow up doll? It's sad to say, but he really does suck in bed. What's a good way to get through this and try to get a better sex life going? |
TheManWithAUsername
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| Was he always this bad? Does he seem interested, or do you think he might be doing it out of obligation? How much experience did he have before you? |
Anonymous
| Don't have the discussion beforehand, have it during. Tell him "It used to drive me wild when you ___, do it again now" (even if he never did it before), or "No more ____ until you ____", or even just grabbing his hand and putting it where you want. |
Anonymous
You flip him onto his back and get on top...or in any position that won't stimulate him to the point of finishing. Then, while on top, you say, I AM HERE TOO. 
He probably wants it to be longer and better too, right? |
Anonymous
| Maybe your discussion was too compassionate and not specific enough. Tell him you want him to make sure you have orgasms too and tell him how you want him to do it. I wouldn't be mean about it but be very clear. Just tell him how you are feeling and exactly how he can make things better for you. |
Anonymous
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OP, take charge. It is better than a divorce.
Get a vibrator, bring it to the marital bed, and use it. WHILE he is in you. I am not kiddind. |
Anonymous
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There's a Lily Allen song about this.
Really, you have to tell him point blank that if he ever wants you to go down on him again, then he better spend more time with the man in the canoe. |
Anonymous
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OP,
Did you ever have great sex? |
Anonymous
| ^ I am wondering the same thing. You need to tell him point-blank that YOU COME FIRST. That's my rule and I have no complaints. |
Anonymous
wow, someone's demanding... |
Anonymous
| Haaa, man in the canoe!!! |
Anonymous
| get him to make you come (hands, mouth, whatever) and then - and only then - let him have sex with you. if you're still trembling when he enters you, it'll feel really good for you, and then even if he's done in 3 minutes, you've already gotten yours and you won't be as ticked off. |
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
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| Sit on his face and tell him that you love him |
Anonymous
HA! That's how we do it EVERY TIME. Works great for us. |
Anonymous
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me too - I just get my husband to give me an orgasm with his hand and then the short sex doesn't bother me. Sometimes I even cum again if it's the right position (and I touch myself)... and he doesn't cum in 30 seconds. Not kidding. Sigh.
The last guy I dated before my husband was wild in bed. A poet, soccer player, really sensual. Bad for a whole host of other reasons, but damn it was hot sex. I was so aghast with my husband that I had to deal with this too. And I just simply told him I needed more foreplay and talked about what I liked. He was more than eager to try and meet my expectations. Get a bottle of wine and tell him you want more touching first. That you need foreplay and that when you're ready, you'll guide him in (or tell him it's time) so not to try before that. It will become a comfortable routine. |