How do I talk about this with the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yeah... you seem so cold and calculated that i kind of see why your husband needed another woman in his life.

Because an ocean of emotions is exactly what this situation is calling for. Right?

yes. emotions are not evil, they are adaptive responses honed by millennia of evolution. OP is clearly deficient in that area.

You sound like an OW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yeah... you seem so cold and calculated that i kind of see why your husband needed another woman in his life.

Because an ocean of emotions is exactly what this situation is calling for. Right?

yes. emotions are not evil, they are adaptive responses honed by millennia of evolution. OP is clearly deficient in that area.

You sound like an OW.

I wouldn't rather be OW than being cheated on as you appear to be. Though as it happens I am neither. Happily married for 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yeah... you seem so cold and calculated that i kind of see why your husband needed another woman in his life.

Because an ocean of emotions is exactly what this situation is calling for. Right?

yes. emotions are not evil, they are adaptive responses honed by millennia of evolution. OP is clearly deficient in that area.

You sound like an OW.

I wouldn't rather be OW than being cheated on as you appear to be. Though as it happens I am neither. Happily married for 20+ years.

No, you wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

4th question on Carolyn Hax live discussion:

https://live.washingtonpost.com/carolyn-hax-live-20170519.html?hpid=hp_local-news_hax-12pm%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4th question on Carolyn Hax live discussion:

https://live.washingtonpost.com/carolyn-hax-live-20170519.html?hpid=hp_local-news_hax-12pm%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

Oh my! Sounds a lot like OP's future!

[Anonymous]

OP has to be a troll. This story is way to pathetic to be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:enjoy sending large portion's of your family's income to the other woman and child each month. meanwhile, keep financially subsidizing the father of your children.

OP said she's the breadwinner and earns significantly more than her husband. The CS will be based on his income alone and the child is almost out of daycare so the mandatory support amount won't be all that high.

What a ridiculous post.

You think just because the baby isn't in daycare anymore that his payment will change/become less?
Don't be ridiculous.

I guess the kid should stop eating, which will cause them to stop growing, so I guess no need for food OR new clothes since she'll stop outgrowing them every year.
I guess that means that dear old dad won't have to pay for extra curricular activities anymore, such as dance, soccer or art classes, because if she's not eating & not growing, she certainly won't have the energy to have fun.
Then there's that pesky little hindrance of medical insurance, BUT since there will be no food, no clothes, no energy for fun, she definitely won't need a doctor in case she gets sick or anything.

NEWS FLASH PP: Kids don't magically start shrinking or become less expensive to take care of after day care.
In fact, they start GROWING & becoming even more expensive. This means that everything grows along with them, their appetites, their clothing, their energy levels & yes, even trips to the doctor!

Where ever would you get such a ridiculous notion, especially in Montgomery County?

PP here. I get my "ridiculous notion" from §12–204 of the Maryland Code, otherwise known as the child support guidelines. I also get this "ridiculous notion" because of my experience as an attorney.

Child support is based on an income shares formula developed by the state to cover basic needs (food, clothing, shelter and activities) with an extra amount added on to cover the costs of insurance and daycare (see subparagraph (g)(1) of the code). With full time daycare costs ranging from $1,500 to $2,000 per month around here his required payment will decrease substantially once the kid is out of daycare. There will still be aftercare and summer care costs but these are much less than full time daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only asked for advice on framing this for the kids. Some of you gave sensible input, for which I thank them. I am not asking for input into anything else.

OP, you are in shock and denial, in logistical/pragmatic mode, which happens to many of us after a major trauma or loss. You have not truly acknowledged your emotions, I PROMISE you, and this is MORE IMPORTANT for your children in the long run, for you to begin this process in a healthy way, than whatever specific thing you tell your son about his sister. Call a therapist today, for your kids. You are not asking for input on anything else because you are not ready. By posting here about a component of this that is a degree removed from your own feelings (how to frame this information for your kids), you are testing the waters of accepting this trauma that has irreversibly disrupted your family and your life. I am SO SORRY this happened to you. You didn't deserve to be blindsided with a betrayal that will change your life. Call today, call today, call today. Seriously, to protect your kids, to do what is best for them, you need and DESERVE therapy ASAP. You have to put on your own oxygen mask first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only asked for advice on framing this for the kids. Some of you gave sensible input, for which I thank them. I am not asking for input into anything else.

OP, you are in shock and denial, in logistical/pragmatic mode, which happens to many of us after a major trauma or loss. You have not truly acknowledged your emotions, I PROMISE you, and this is MORE IMPORTANT for your children in the long run, for you to begin this process in a healthy way, than whatever specific thing you tell your son about his sister. Call a therapist today, for your kids. You are not asking for input on anything else because you are not ready. By posting here about a component of this that is a degree removed from your own feelings (how to frame this information for your kids), you are testing the waters of accepting this trauma that has irreversibly disrupted your family and your life. I am SO SORRY this happened to you. You didn't deserve to be blindsided with a betrayal that will change your life. Call today, call today, call today. Seriously, to protect your kids, to do what is best for them, you need and DESERVE therapy ASAP. You have to put on your own oxygen mask first.

Thank you for your sentiment. This is a few months old, so the masks are on. already said we are in therapy. I am dealing with the emotions issues separately and do not wish to discuss them here. That doesn't mean they don't exist. It means I don't need any input into them as it is being addressed adequately somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only asked for advice on framing this for the kids. Some of you gave sensible input, for which I thank them. I am not asking for input into anything else.

OP, you are in shock and denial, in logistical/pragmatic mode, which happens to many of us after a major trauma or loss. You have not truly acknowledged your emotions, I PROMISE you, and this is MORE IMPORTANT for your children in the long run, for you to begin this process in a healthy way, than whatever specific thing you tell your son about his sister. Call a therapist today, for your kids. You are not asking for input on anything else because you are not ready. By posting here about a component of this that is a degree removed from your own feelings (how to frame this information for your kids), you are testing the waters of accepting this trauma that has irreversibly disrupted your family and your life. I am SO SORRY this happened to you. You didn't deserve to be blindsided with a betrayal that will change your life. Call today, call today, call today. Seriously, to protect your kids, to do what is best for them, you need and DESERVE therapy ASAP. You have to put on your own oxygen mask first.

Thank you for your sentiment. This is a few months old, so the masks are on. already said we are in therapy. I am dealing with the emotions issues separately and do not wish to discuss them here. That doesn't mean they don't exist. It means I don't need any input into them as it is being addressed adequately somewhere else.

Got it. I missed that you were already in therapy, sorry. Again, sorry for what you're going through, and I wish you well. <3

[Anonymous]

Thank you very much, this means a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP, if he is taking one of your kids to go on visits to the love child he is using your kid as a beard because he must still be boinking his baby mama. So, the two kids can occupy each other watching cartoons or playing while your husband and baby mama are doing the nasty (bow chicka chicka).

[Anonymous]

I was the love child in a similar situation.

I would see my half-siblings (2 older, 1 younger) and all adults knew the situation.

They knew I was their sister and that I lived with my mom.

They moved away when I was little and by the time they moved back to the area a few years later, my family situation has changed and I had forgotten them, so we didn't see each other again as kids. I found out when I was an adult that they existed and I looked for them on social media, but never contacted them.

But a couple of years ago one of them contacted me. She had been looking for me for years. It has been nice to get to know them again. They are like distant cousins to me. The one who is younger isn't interested in getting to know me but the older ones remember me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the love child in a similar situation.

I would see my half-siblings (2 older, 1 younger) and all adults knew the situation.

They knew I was their sister and that I lived with my mom.

They moved away when I was little and by the time they moved back to the area a few years later, my family situation has changed and I had forgotten them, so we didn't see each other again as kids. I found out when I was an adult that they existed and I looked for them on social media, but never contacted them.

But a couple of years ago one of them contacted me. She had been looking for me for years. It has been nice to get to know them again. They are like distant cousins to me. The one who is younger isn't interested in getting to know me but the older ones remember me.

Thank you. May I ask what the adults in your life told you about this situation when you were little? Were you satisfied with it? Did you wish something was said or done differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has to be a troll. This story is way to pathetic to be true.

I'm thinking op is a troll too. Not necessarily b/c of the story (I have a friend in essentially the same situation but they are finally getting divorced). I think OP's 'voice'' sounds familiar from another thread a year or two ago (can't even remember the topic).